Last night my daughter slept nine hours straight, from about 10 PM until 7 AM.
I promise you, I’m not bragging.
More than anything, this feat makes me a bit sad. I used to love waking up to nurse her in the middle of the night. It was always so quiet, just the sound of her swallowing and her heavy breathing and Georgie’s breathing beside me. Everything was calm and lovely. I never minded it at all – no matter what the hour and how little sleep I had before she woke. The first smiles came in the middle of the night. Same with the first coos.
Now it’s just Meli and her dad snoring away. I sometimes wake up, but she doesn’t. She’s growing up. Growing away. I’m being a tad melodramatic, I know, but it’s true. Everyday she does something new and better and that means I’m doing my job well, but it’s not lost on me that doing my job well means that one day she won’t need me – as much – I hope she will always need me for something.
It seems so long ago I was pregnant. So long ago that she was first born. It’s true the whole time flies thing. And yet I can’t wait until she’s just a little bit older when she can do this or that or the next thing. A conundrum this parenting thing. Definitely a conundrum.
Meanwhile, she’s been sleeping in her swing for an hour and a half already. Put herself to sleep there sucking on two fingers. Woke up once, but quickly fell back asleep. I pumped (one day I’ll talk about pumping) and took pictures to prepare for this post and now I’m writing it. I’m experimenting with this nap thing. So far so good! I feel like a new woman with all this free time! YAY!
Anyway, last night my sister was telling me that the pictures I took of Meli the other day reminded her of some of my baby pictures. I thought I knew which ones she was talking about and it turns out that I have them, and they are of me at pretty much exactly the same age Meli is now. The date on the back of the pictures is April 10, 1970. You all remember my birthday, right?
(Sorry for the shitty pictures. My scanner’s broken and this is the best I could do!)
What do you think? Here’s Meli again, in case you forgot what she looks like:
Unfortunately, I don’t have any real baby photos of her daddy, although the resemblance is definitely there. I have to confess, I was so relieved when she was born – relieved that she looked like us. From the minute I saw her there was something familiar about her. There was a picture I had in my head – a picture of me as a baby – that I thought was totally like her and I had my sister find it in my house and bring it to me in the hospital.
I was six weeks old in those pictures. That’s my mom holding me. Here’s Meli – maybe a week or two old:
This may seem odd to you, but given how Meli was conceived – an IVF cycle followed by a Frozen Embryo Transfer – it was really important to me that she look like us. Maybe some of you out there who did fertility treatments will understand, but I’m so glad there’s a family resemblance.
Lots of people will tell me she looks just like me and lots of people will tell me she looks just like her dad, but I think she’s a perfect combination of the both of us.
And now she’s up. Which is really really nice because I’ve missed her.
This post reminded me that while my daughter is 15, I can still feel those first pangs of tiny losses when I realized she could do things without me, like put herself to sleep or comfort herself with her fingers in her mouth. I think I will IM her right now and tell her I love her.
Love this post. She is a perfect compilation of you both.
Hi Cara,
Long-time lurker here, first-time commenter. Love your blog, and glad you’re back to posting more frequently! Although I know what a challenge new babies can be for finding time, as I have a 4-week old, and a 2 1/2 year old!
When I first saw the pictures of Meli, my thoughts were how much she looks like George – but those pics above made me realize what a great combination of the two of you she is. Congrats, she gets more beautiful every day.
Hi Cara,
Long-time lurker here, first-time commenter. Love your blog, and glad you’re back to posting more frequently! Although I know what a challenge new babies can be for finding time, as I have a 4-week old, and a 2 1/2 year old!
When I first saw the pictures of Meli, my thoughts were how much she looks like George – but those pics above made me realize what a great combination of the two of you she is. Congrats, she gets more beautiful every day.
Wow, she really does look a lot like you! I keep searching for myself in my son, but it’s a stretch to say he looks like me. He has the shape of my eyes, but the colour is all his own, neither mine or his dad’s. He is built like my family, but has blond hair (mine’s dark brown). His mouth is his dad’s. He’s neither all me nor all his dad, but rather a nice mix of both of us, and in the end, all himself. I definitely miss those moments in the middle of the night, and those snuggles when he fit completely in my lap, but I am really looking forward to seeing what he becomes. He is growing into a really great boy, just like your Meli will become a really great big girl. Just hang on to the little things while you still can, and remember them for when you have to let the little things go.
My daughter is 7 months (just yesterday!) and I know what you mean by time flying! She’s no longer a tiny helpless newborn. There’s so much she is able to do and learning new stuff everyday. Sometimes when I do something in front of her, she stares at me intently and I can see the wheels turning in her head. And the sleep thing – A slept through the night around 3 months too but then things changed. I’ve learned that this sleep thing is fluid! A is a good sleeper *at night* but some nights are better than others. It’s great to see the resemblence of you and Meli! Of course, there’s a bit of Meli that’s NOT in your baby pictures which I’m sure is where Daddy comes into play. Meli is so adorable! BTW, I love your outlook on this whole motherhood/parenthood thing. Sometimes it can get so frustrating but overall, it’s an amazing experience that touches me in the deepest way that I could never have imagined before my daughter was born.
And it just keeps happening – my guy is 17 months and growing up and away from me every day. I handle the bittersweet feeling by thinking about how much (at 34 yo) still need MY mom. The ways in which our little ones need us will change, but they will ALWAYS need us.
It’s funny without knowing you IRL my first thought when I saw those pictures of Meli in your last post was that she looked just like you!
Adopted kid here– I totally get how important it was for her to look like you.
As far as her sleeping through the night; Lucy did, too. Twice in a row. And then realized she missed nursing at night, and started waking up once or twice again. If you’re not co-sleeping (I think you said you’re not) then it might not happen for you, but it might. Hard to say. 🙂
Everyone keeps telling me that Moira looks like the Mister. Even the doctor said “well, she doesn’t look like you so who does she look like.” But I pulled out some baby pictures the other day and showed my Mum that there are definite similarities between baby Moira and baby me. And then the other day Moira did something and the Mister said “holy – she looks like your Father there.” I love the she looks like the Mister but I want pieces of me in there as well – I guess that is just the nature of having a child. And I hear you about getting wistful about all the little things, i don’t mind getting up in the middle of the night to fed either (can’t manage the whole in-bed feeding for some reason) but I am looking forward to when she can hold her head up herself – a conundrum indeed.
I’m still loving this mommy blog, Cara. I see you as such a gentle soul with the baby. And I see the baby filled w/ love. How great is that!! And I want you to know that as the mom of two girls aged 36 and 37, they still need me for some things. The 37 yo is planning a wedding and I’m doing what I can to help. But before that there were boyfriend troubles, stressing over midterms & finals, over getting into grad school, and how to make this recipe or that, just life issues. The transition from mom to friend was easier for me w/ one daughter than the other but she came around, too. We are great, good, close friends now. And I can still remember changing diapers and middle of the night nursing! Ain’t life grand!
What a beautiful post, Cara. She is growing so quickly, but you already know that 🙂 she is growing up beautifully! I can see you in her, and I know that G is there too!
Oh yes, there’s definitely a resemblance. Thanks for sharing your beautiful photos of Meli!
(I’ll have to look at the pictures at home…for some reason they’re blocked at work.)
But what I want to say is:
Speaking as a daughter whose Mom is gone…she’ll never stop needing and wanting you.
Speaking as the mom of a 20 year old…there’ll be times when you wish she maybe didn’t need you quite as much and quite as often! :^)
Now I’m looking forward to a pumping post! But if you type that you love it, I’m going to “Unsubscribe”. I loathe pumping. I look at the clock & think “2 more minutes, ugh!” Yesterday I spilled breast-milk all over myself & the rental car trying to pouring the bottle into the bag. Hate it!
My Mom has this theory that babies resemble the parent who had the most fun during the creation phase. Hmmmm, does it still apply w/IVF?
She looks just like you. She’s gorgeous!
And, trust me, a girl will ALWAYS need her mother.
I miss my babies when they’re napping too! (And my “babies” are 5 and 2…)
My “baby” is 6 and every day there is something I’m a little sad to see go by the wayside. This weekend he wanted to stay at Grandma’s house so I took him over there this morning and now I’m sitting here, missing him. Parenting is the only job where we are working to put ourselves out of a job. I remind myself all the time that there will come a day when he no longer really needs me and that I need to enjoy every day that he does while it lasts.
I know I’ve said this before… even before I saw your baby photos… she looks just like you!
So unbelievably cute! She’s precious Cara! And yes, she looks so much like you when you were a baby! My baby looks nothing like me and everything like her daddy. That’s okay, I like to look at him more than I like to look at myself anyways! Sorry, I veered…the sleeping through the night thing might not stick – I was the same way, I missed my baby so much that I would run to her at the slightest peep just for more time with her!
Got home…saw the pictures…and had to post again.
Meli is just the cutest little dumpling ever!
I totally cracked up at the “looking like us” comment. My DH & I used to say that if the clinic screwed up – we were hoping for an Asian baby since our friends (who are Chinese) had the most adorable little girl. This was, of course, to deal with the stress of not really knowing what was going on in the lab. (btw – our daughter is the spitting image of her dad with my eyes)
Meli is gorgeous. Thanks for the walk down memory lane
If you do your job right, she’ll get to the point where she may not need you as much but she’ll WANT to be with you. While they’re not as cute when they’re grown(well, they’re a different kind of cute), they’re still enjoyable and even fun.
She’s a beauty, just like her parents.
totally see the resemblance in all those photos! this post will be great to look back on when she gets older 🙂
I’m a long-time lurker, but I just had to say that, awwww, she looks just like her mama!
Yes, I’ve thought from the very first picture of her that she look just like her Mommy! I’ve gotta tell you, she is the cutest, happiest little thing and those smiling pictures always make me laugh.
My favorite feeding was always the one in the middle of the night too. We’d watch Car 54 Where are You, almost 20 years ago and believe me, it seems like just yesterday!
Sheri in GA
Yay (and boo) for sleeping through the night!
She looks so much like you, Cara. There’s some Georgie in there, too, but lots of Mommy! I went back through some baby pictures when I was home, and while Raley has a touch of me, she’s actually the spitting image of my (younger) sister. How strange is that?
Ah, pumping. Love/hate for sure.
I love reading your blog. My husband’s and my baby pictures are interchangable, so we knew all the grandmas would be happy. But it means a lot to me that my 17 year old son looks like my sister’s boys and my mom’s brothers. Those husband genes are strong, but my 15 year old daughter resembles me and my neice in the way she walks and dances.
I didn’t know the IVF thing was so difficult until friends of ours told us that they had done the needles and the visits and it didn’t work. They adopted a wonderful boy from overseas (who looks like them). But why didn’t they let us, a nurse and a vet help them? Because it is so very personal.
Honestly I thought that first pic of you was Meli! Yes, their growing up is so bittersweet. It’s wonderful to see their accomplishments, being able to hold their head up to graduating from med school, but it also indicates time flying by. Time is so out of our control 🙂 All we can do is grab the memories, which you can do so well in your photography. And even if you have children without IVF trust me you WANT them to resemble SOMEBODY in the family!! Just quirky humanoids. Meli is a lucky little peach! From a daily reader(lurker).
What a lovely post. I totally hear you about parenting– my oldest is 7 yrs old and while I enjoy the time when he’s at school (less time for him to bicker with our 5 yr old!), I do wish I could go back to the time when he was a baby and needed me more. 🙂
Yes, definitely Miss Meli looks like both of you. In previous family shots I thought she looked more like your husband, but comparing her to those baby pictures of you…she looks just like your baby pictures!! I can definitely see both of you in her. (lucky you– my kids look so much like my husband it’s scary…I guess I was just the “vessel,” carried them for 9+ mos and now they look like daddy lol)
Lately, it seems that every other blog entry I write is about how quickly my children are growing up-the Bat Mitzva definitely triggered a storm of bittersweet feelings. However, one thing I said in one of those entries is that I know have always done my best to truly enjoy every moment with my children and as a result, as maudlin as I can get, I don’t feel I’ve missed too much (aside from the time before we adopted them of course).
I was fascinated by your words about family resemblance. She does really seem to look like you and that must be so sweet. Still, for myself (who is also an adoptee), I know no one in the world who looks like me and most days that’s fine. I can’t deny though that sometimes I wonder what it would be like to see myself reflected in another person.
Melodramatic? The first time our daughter slept through the night (at 5 months), my husband and I woke up at the same time with the same thought–she’s not breathing! She was, but we were hyper parents. Meli’s a cutie!
Wow she really does look just like you.
And congrats on through the night sleeping. There will be lots of chances for middle of the night snuggles for many years–I promise.
Yes, she definitely looks like you! What a great Mommy you’ve turned out to be, my my.
Really loved and enjoyed your post. I love seeing family resemblances and yours was no exception. It’s just incredible isn’t it?? I showed a picture of my son to a family friend who has known 5 generations of our family and the minute she saw him she said he looked exactly like my mother. My husband is adopted, so to see himself in our son is especially wonderful. Keep up the good work…don’t worry she’ll need you for a long while yet, there is so much more fun coming around the bend. ENJOY!
She will always need you..
Golly, all these pictures are just wonderful. I love them. Meli is just so beautiful, so perfect. And the resemblance b/t your baby pics and hers is pretty amazing.
I totally know what you mean about the fertility treatments and the need for the babe to look like you and G. I went through the same thing. The whole pregnancy I had this bizarre concern that the babies were somehow not going to resemble my husband, even though it was his sperm. I kept worrying that somehow someone else’s sperm got in there, and that they would look like that guy.
So, yeah, big relief that both boys resemble both of us….
It is wonderful to see the comparison photos! I can certainly empathise with your feelings; when my eldest son was in his last semester of high school, I was really grieving over any of the children being ready to ‘leave the nest’. My mantra was “If you do a good job, you work yourself out of a job”. Luckily, doing a good job has also meant that they grew up into really cool people I want to hang out with.
It is wonderful to see the comparison photos! I can certainly empathise with your feelings; when my eldest son was in his last semester of high school, I was really grieving over any of the children being ready to ‘leave the nest’. My mantra was “If you do a good job, you work yourself out of a job”. Luckily, doing a good job has also meant that they grew up into really cool people I want to hang out with.
Every year, as the first day of the school year approaches, I am continually near tears. The day before school begins, I weep; I can’t help it. My son is growing up and away. He needs me less.
And he’s 14yo now!
They say it gets easier. I’m still waiting for that.
Every year, as the first day of the school year approaches, I am continually near tears. The day before school begins, I weep; I can’t help it. My son is growing up and away. He needs me less.
And he’s 14yo now!
They say it gets easier. I’m still waiting for that.
Isn’t it fun to see how your baby can one day she looks like you and the next she might look more like your hubby. You have a very sweet baby girl!
Oh My gosh Cara! Its liking looking in a mirror–your own little mini you:)
Meli is precious! Looks like you all had a wonderful vacation too.
Happy 4th!