I have found my super power. I am The Human Pacifier.
About a week ago, Meli decided to give up her pacifier – the plastic one. Now many of you, especially the ones with teenagers who went off to college with their pacifiers tied around their necks at the ready, will think I’m extremely lucky that she seems to have given it up on her own. And I would be if she were say two. But she’s only eight months old and her need to suck is strong. She she sucks on me. A lot.
It used to be that whenever she went to sleep – for the night or for naps – we’d lay down and nurse and then when it was clear that she was asleep and only comfort sucking, I’d switch out the boob for the paci. She’d sleep pretty much through the night, maybe waking up once or twice to nurse for a short while and a lot of the time if I stuck the paci back in her mouth she was good to go. And she’d nap well too – maybe I’d have to go in and give her a cuddle and the pacifier, but I’d usually get a good hour or so.
No more. Now she wants to nurse and nurse and nurse and if I try to slip my boob out she literally clutches at it in her sleep and stuffs it in her mouth. Her desperation is simultaneously melt your heart and a bit scary. It takes forever to leave her for naps and when she finally does fall asleep, she’s up in like fifteen/twenty minutes still wanting to sleep but needing to nurse/suck all over again.
I can’t get anything done. That’s why I’m writing this at 2:30 in the morning. I’m up working. This is my most stressful month of the year and I have two more weekends of shooting and probably another month of processing and designing before I’m done for the holidays and man I’m already exhausted. I’m not complaining, per se. I’m happy to have work to do and I’m loving my baby more and more every second (if that’s even possible!) I just wish she’d go back to her pacifier.
Of course, the main problem is that in my exhaustion I’m questioning all of my parenting choices. I shouldn’t have let her sleep with us. I should’ve done some kind of sleep training thing so that she’d fall asleep on her own. In her crib. Deep down I’m happy she’s with us. I LOVE nursing and I’d miss her so much and I know Georgie loves having her with us. This is the right choice for us and if I wasn’t so busy it wouldn’t matter. But I am and it’s hard and doubt is easy.
She’s so much fun these days, I wish you could hang with her. Sometimes I’m sad that I’m the only one that really sees all her nuances and funny personality traits. By the time G gets home from work she’s sick of me and desperate for him (their love affair is precious!) and she’s also ready for the day to end and she doesn’t do her little laugh when I pretend to hiccup. Or when she burps and I say excuse you in a really exaggerated voice. Or when we lay face to face and look each other in the eyes and I just can’t believe she’s mine. I’m sad for G and all of you that you don’t get to share, but also I’m so so lucky that I get to be her mom. That’s my true super power.
I have to get back to work. Thanks for the chat.
PS – When I was growing up we sang The Inky Dinky spider. Most of the books and my sister’s kids all say The Itsy Bitsy Spider. But the class we’re going to sings The Eensy Weensy Spider. I just found it interesting is all. I’m not singing to Meli at 4 AM, but the thoughts do pop in.
PPS – The winners of last week’s contest were Lisa (grand prize) and Caitlin (sock yarn)! CONGRATULATIONS!!
Oooh – I remember that stage – staggering into work on 1 hour’s sleep after my daughter had indulged at the all-night milk bar. It passes. And as for your doubts – if what you are doing works for you as a family, then stick with it. If it isn’t working (if the fatigue is getting just too much), then you will find the strength to change things.
Oh, and I always sang Incy Wincy Spider…
I remember this phase when my now-almost-14-y.o. was little. I clearly remember discussing the same mix of frustration/exhaustion/elation/doubt/confidence at a La Leche League meeting. One person said that my moo-hound son (moo was what we called breastmilk) must’ve been preparing for a big breakthrough, almost ready to tackle some new skill, and needed my comfort and support. That really helped me keep it all in perspective. I wonder what Meli’s working up to…?!
Hang in there!
You know you aren’t alone. Meli sounds like such a wonderful little one. The doubting voice can be so loud at times – mine still chimes in. It does sound like this time is very stressful for you. I have nothing wise to say, just take care!
That doubting voice is never going to disappear, just trust yourself. I suspect that Meli is about to make some sort of milestone though, hence she needs the extra comfort, milk, etc. My only other suggestion would be if she is getting real food(sorry not that your milk isn’t real food) at this point try and give her something before she settles down for the night. I can remember one of mine needing some oatmeal before he settled in for that evening bedtime nurse.
I’m in exactly the same spot, although WB never took a pacifier. We want to move her into her sister’s room, but can’t do that until she sleeps through. She won’t sleep through because she needs to nurse herself back down when she rouses in the night. She had just started sleeping through last summer, then we went on vacation and she was sick and it all went rapidly downhill. Then the molars came.
It’s always something.
It’s the teeth…poor little thing. Poor mama.
I think as mommies we all have the doubting voice when our children decide to change our routine. I remember when my daughter needed to nurse what seemed liked constantly. And, while that made me tired and overwhelmed it didn’t hurt me nearly as much as when my son woke up one day at 8 1/2 months and decided nursing was not for him. I was devastated. I would have traded that for all day nursing anytime.
Hang in there. It will get better. She sounds like a joy and you are a lucky mom.
I’m with livnletrln, and it is the advice I would have given at a LLL meeting (have you found a group, you cannot imagine how helpful that monthly meeting can be). Meli is probably about to make some developmental leap and their little bodies feel the anxiety and stress of that. Just when you think it will be this way forever, it will change and you’ll wonder what you worried about. You are a super mom. Mwah.
Ugh. I remember that stage vividly with our first – although she never took a paci. I wish I could say that I enjoyed nursing, but it was totally a job for me, and by the time she was a year old I had to wean her for my own sanity. We also booted her from our bed at 8 months because she was (and still is) a tornado in her sleep.
You will know what’s right for your family, and honestly you should take every bit of advice with a big grain of salt.
I remember those dark times in the night when my little ones were babies. Just keep telling yourself that this is all a phase. She’ll not always need your boob for sleep and comfort. She needs it now, and how blessed is she that she has a mother who responds to her needs and nurtures her as she ask for it.
She knows you have work to do. This is my theory. I believe it is true. They know! You are all HERS and she is making sure you know it.
My babies have such large pointy BONES. xo Kay
Another human pacifier here, and mine won’t take a plastic pacifier. Our main trouble is that she won’t sleep unless she’s being held, or swaddled (and then only at night). I’m not sure what’s going to happen when she goes to daycare in January, but I don’t think it’s going to be pretty. That said, a “sleep training” thing is certainly not for us either.
Good luck getting your work done!
Don’t doubt your choices. My little boy co-sleeps with us and I wouldn’t have it any other way. And now, the baby girl does as well. Once the boy got old enough to really carry on a conversation, it is the ones at night before we go to bed that I love the most. When there is nothing else to distract except talking about how the day went and what’s on his mind.
As for the human pacifier thing. I totally feel you, but I’ve noticed that when my little one has a tooth finally break through, then it only takes a couple of minutes to get her down. But, if she’s sick or teething, that’s when the marathon sessions happen. Also, ear infections here lately seem to make the difference. I think the motion of the jaw eases the tension on the ears.
Good Luck!! And there are definitely those of us out there who feel your pain!
I know exactly how you feel, and I went through it almost 30 years ago! Like another reader said, our doubts never go away. But this is only one phase, and it will be short. Enjoy your time in the phase Meli is in, because it will soon change into a new phase. Before you know it she’ll be going to school and then college, and you’ll wonder what happened to your infant that gave up her pacifier. I still look back and marvel at how seamlessly each phase morphs into the next one. Don’t worry — you are doing exactly what you and Meli need right now.
Have you tried other brands of paci? When we went through a stage like that turned out we needed the next bigger size paci and then he went right back to sleeping… it’s worth a try!
Someone mentioned teething–that sounds like a plausible theory! Good luck. My guy gave up his paci at four months when his first two teeth popped up. Instead he took to chewing on fabric for comfort. Now it is a blanket he has to sleep with, and chew on. Doubt is ugly, but we all do it! I just keep reminding myself when he gets into a phase that isn’t enjoyable is that nothing ever stays the same and before I know it he changes again!
The class (music together) we go to also sings eensy weensy and it bothers me because we always sang itsy bitsy growing up and that automatically comes into my head when I hear that song.
Good luck with work!
I agree with the milestone comments. There is a developmental spurt at 8/9 months that can disrupt sleep, cause separation anxiety or just generally cause needy phases in kids.
It’s natural to doubt your choices (we all do), but try to trust your mommy gut and just focus on getting through the next few days or the next week. Something will likely change by then (either for better or worse) and you’ll wonder what you were complaining about. π
As much as I want to break my 21-month old of the pacifier habit, I have deep sympathy for you because it helped to get us through some dark times. You could always try to offer it again in a week. Once she gets through the worst of the spurt she might be open to it again.
FWIW, we couldn’t put our little one down for bed or naps without either rocking or nursing her into a state of deep sleep until she was 10.5/11 months old. Now, she generally sleeps well and no “harm” was done by not sleep training her.
Don’t ever feel bad that you co-sleep. She will grow up so fast,it wont last forever. π I have a 7,5 and 3 year old…and one due in 8 days…Dh and I always end up with one in our bed.
Also,maybe the constant need to nurse is either teething or a growing spurt. Your doing great mama π
Hope you get some rest and some work done. BTW…had time to knit lately?
Don’t ever feel bad that you co-sleep. She will grow up so fast,it wont last forever. π I have a 7,5 and 3 year old…and one due in 8 days…Dh and I always end up with one in our bed.
Also,maybe the constant need to nurse is either teething or a growing spurt. Your doing great mama π
Hope you get some rest and some work done. BTW…had time to knit lately?
I don’t really have any helpful advice, but I have a one year old daughter and we went through the same exact thing a few months ago! It is crazymaking, but it did get better for us. We didn’t have to stop nursing or co-sleeping. If you have an Ipod or something like that, that certainly helps make the time go by faster!
It is amazing how functional we can be on so little sleep! Hang in there.
I have been in exactly your same position with both of my girls, and I felt exactly your loss of knowing what to do. If I were in that place again, I would continue both nursing and co-sleeping, but I think I would limit how much I would let her nurse. Eight months is a good age to give up the pacifier, and start to learn to self-soothe.
Make sure you’re offering her plenty of both mama milk and solid food during the day in case it is a growth spurt you’re dealing with, and make up your mind how much nursing you think she needs at night. Then, and this is the hard part – set those limits! Just gently tell her that (whatever word you use for your breasts) are tired and that she can nurse again in the morning. There will be some crying. She may be angry. Consider doing this on a weekend when you and your partner don’t have to work the next day. It will take a couple – maybe several nights to reinforce the limits, but she’s old enough to learn them.
I feel like I made the mistake with my girls of always thinking I had to give more, more, more no matter how much they asked of me. But we do have limits to how much we can do, and we are allowed to say no. In retrospect, I think kids kind of need that gentle prod towards self-reliance (even at 8 months!) I’m not saying don’t offer other consolation – just don’t let her suck you raw. I’m all about attachment parenting, but I think the books and other sources are SO adamant about anti-CIO that they don’t allow for the valid in-between area. Hope that makes sense, and I hope you find the path that feels right for your family. That’s what really matters, and it does get easier!
Agree with Amy M – at that age it always separation anxiety and has nothing to do with sleeping with you.. It has to do with the fact that she now realizes you are going out of the room and away from her.
That being said I believe you have already started feeding her so that’s obviously not the problem. My daughter would go to sleep without a word and started behaving like this at that exact age – as soon as we were out of her bedroom she would scream. We used a method that worked for us but may not work for everyone – we left the room but talked to her – even if she wouldn’t see us she would know we were there.. She was frustrated and started “manifesting” against it but that was the last night she did. The night after we told her it was time to sleep and she went – as the other nights before.. Do not underestimate at that age their power over us.. That being said with humour intended of course (sounds weird writing this all – I wish I could tell the story you face to face, would sound better) π
Lucy and I went through the same thing at about the same age. We were doing many of the same things you are — she sleeps with us (though at this point, she tosses around so much that we have a crib sidecarred to the bed, just to give us all a little more room, but even then, I’m lucky if she spends half the night there). The biggest difference, I guess, is that I never gave her a paci, and she didn’t find her thumb until 4 months… but in the middle of the night, nothing soothes but da boob.
I can’t remember — is Meli crawling yet? Lucy went nuts at night right before she a.) got her top two teeth and b.) before she started cruising really proficiently. My money is on this lasting another week, and then she’s going to have some exciting new skill to show off, and you’re going to be so sad to be sleeping through the whole night…and yet so relieved.
It’s such an amazingly mixed bag, this parenting gig.
We’re almost the opposite, but with similar problems (problem? maybe not so much, I don’t know). Sabrina has been sleeping in her crib since month 2. She’s a thumb sucker. If she wakes up earlier than the alarm, I go and nurse to in the extra bed and we cuddle for the rest of the morning. In the last few weeks, I wake up 2 hours later and she’s still latched on. When I take her off, she throws a bit of a fit. I’m also a human paci.
Do you think Meli is maybe actually hungry??? One of mine, although he wasn’t a paci lover, stopped sleeping through the night because he was hungry. Once we fed him cereal before bedtime, he went back to sleeping well. π
so we are going through this right now. e is six months old and doing the exact same thing…a little spooky! What is working for us is not nursing him to sleep anymore at night. We bob around to Bob Marley or whatever else makes us bob and let him fall asleep on his own. It takes anywhere from 20 to 60 minutes depending on how tired he is. I find he wakes up less at night. I think this is all possible now too because a bunch of teeth just popped through. Ouch. He sleeps with us too. good job mama
Maybe she is getting ready to grow and needs to eat lots. Total faith in you, Mommy. It will all be fine. They don’t nurse forever.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. My son breastfed with a passion from the giddyup. He hated bottles, all bottles (even the fancy smansy ones), and formula, all he wanted was the breast. I tried to give him a pacifier a couple of times but it never worked so we gave up on it. The only thing he would drink water out of were the soft tip training cups from Avent. It was soft and it wasn’t trying to perpetrate a nipple so he was fine.
I literaly felt like a human restaurant becaus ehe would feed all the time! it actually slowed down a bit when I went back to work when he was six months but I was still pumping like crazy. I breastfed until he was 16 months old. I tried to ween him off slowly but he was hip to what I was trying to do so he would want to feed more often then I was right back where I started. It finally ended one day when he was sitting next to me and he lifted up my shirt and began feeding. I pulled my shirt down and said “No, this has to stop, you’re a big boy” in a very firm voice, and you know what, that was it. He never asked for it again.
My son also never slept a day in his crib but that’s another story for a another time. Just wanted to let you know that all mothers can relate on some level or another.
With two pre-teens who rarely stop by my bed and one 5 month old snuggled up next to a breast all night, I can assure you that yes those are hard, hard nights but they do not last forever. (They just feel like they do and they always seem to be when you need to be doing something else!)
Sometimes putting baby on the other side of dad can get a few hours off.
That and finding just the right moment to slip them off the nipple.
If it helps, it’s the pacifiers that are mama substitutes. Not the other way round.
take care!
a loyal lurker
You aren’t alone π I too chose to have my son sleep with us, and though he did for more than three years, it was the right decision for us.
I also nursed on demand as well, but we didn’t use pacis. Instead I used my pinkie to stimulate the roof of his mouth– it’s still you but it isn’t as grounding as the breast.
Best of luck to you. Everything gets better, easier, promise!
Just a thought – Try to get her to suck her thumb or her fingers (nothing wrong with a thumb sucker, in my opinion, as I was one for many many years and turned out just fine).
funny, it must be buckle down time in mama world. i just posted about some teething woes and just talked to julia about baby wearing woes. woe is us…but not really.
now at 18 months, i think i understand how fast the time passes and i can see that this too shall move into another phase. but it is tough in the midst with work and family and obligations and just wanting to enjoy the babies. and have the babies enjoy us.
doubt is okay if you do not listen to them, si? hang in there, it always gets easier somehow just when you need it too. the boys started their really good napping at about 10 months…something to look forward to?
There’s a big 8/9 month sleep regression for some kids (Ask Moxie has some great archives about this stuff) and also I think Zosia hit a growth spurt around that time, which may have something to do with her wanting to nurse more.
Zosia never took a paci (we tried because she did like to comfort nurse and I couldn’t handle as much as she wanted to do) and pretty much weaned herself right about 10 months… (literally… she made my life miserable whenever we tried to nurse, so I decided that she was trying to tell me something.. and we were both happier when we focused on getting most of her nutrition from other sources). That said, she has always had a blankie that she loves to suck on when she gets tired or need a little extra comfort. Does Meli have any other toys or accessories like that?
This may not be something you want to contemplate, but have you thought about keeping a bottle with a little formula nearby at night to give her? If she’s craving calories, that may help a little bit and ease some things for you.
Neither of my boys would take a paci (and believe me I tried) and both co-slept with my husband and I for at least a year (they now sleep through the night and ALONE just fine) and believe me when I say the benefits outweigh the cons.
I still remember the issues my friends had “breaking” their kids of the paci at 2, 3, and even 5 years old. Not taking a paci? Never a concern.
I remember my friends with boys telling me to enjoy the cuddles while they were little because boys don’t cuddle. My 8 and 10yo are still VERY affectionate and fight for mom’s lap to snuggle (good thing the 10yo is small for his age!) I know that MUCH of this was due to the extended time we shared cosleeping.
So hold on. Holidays are stressful in the best of times, doubly so when your work is seasonal. Just give that Meli a squeeze for me. Fingers crossed that she either goes back to the paci or learns to self soothe. But I so can relate to the frantic grab.
I know I’m like comment number 5 million or something, so I’m sure that someone has already said this, but sounds to me like a bit of separation anxiety.
Good luck, you’ll get through it whatever it is!
Ok, so I am SURE that you have had lots of other commenters tell you what I will, but I am going to say it anyway π My kids have all gone through this phase, and I promise it’s just a phase. It may last until she’s 2, but it stops π Be on the look out for teeth.
I don’t know anything about babies – all this is yet to come – but the English version is Incy Wincy Spider – which could be where the Eensy Weency Spider is coming from, just without the British accent!
Good luck with the little one, as with anything, the right choice is what’s right for you and she sounds like a happy little soul so something’s working.
My three month old has still never yet taken a paci. Both her brothers happily slurped away on theirs until forcefully weaned at 3 years old and 1 year old (I’d say I learned with the second). But Phoebe will NOT have anything in her mouth and if you so much as show her the thing she starts gagging.
It may be a growth spurt. Those are real and they do really nurse ALL THE TIME during one. I could be teeth, they make a babe cranky and distracted as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now. Or it could just be emotional social growth. Either way, from 2 children under my belt, I can assure you that whatever it is, its a phase and it will pass. And when you look back you will be so happy you nurtured that little one through it and didn’t get frustrated or deny with her during her short-lived needy phase.
Phoebe currently sleeps almost the whole night in her crib and then joins us for a blissfully snuggly early morning usually at 4:30 am but sometimes at 2:30 am. We get to go to bed alone and wake up with sunshine and smiles. Best of both worlds if you ask me. (Remember to nap if you can, you’re really allowed.)
it’s probably a growth or developmental spurt, and it should pass within a week or two. suddenly you’ll just notice that it isn’t happening anymore (processing speed lowers with lack of sleep).
but the important thing is that you’re meeting her needs consistently, and you’re really tuned in to her – that’s wonderful, and it’ll really really really pay off in the years ahead. so hang in there π
We never used a pacifier, so I’m well-acquainted with the human-pacifier thing. She’ll get better at sleeping without sucking before too long. While this stage lasted, I just used Thumper’s naptime as a chance to catch up on reading. He nursed and napped, I read.
I totally feel your pain! I have twins and KNOW about being a pacifier. At 5.5 months you’d think I have things figured out more, but they are doing their best to keep me jumping. Marathon nursing sessions are their specialty.
Don’t question yourself in your parenting choices, soon enough this will pass and you’ll both move on to something else.
In the mean time have you looked into La Leche League for advice? Do you wear her? I’d suggest trying a wrap, maybe she needs some close mommy time. Best of luck.
One thing to keep in mind is that she may be going through a growth spurt. When a nursing baby does this, suddenly they may seem to want to nurse all of the time. What a baby is trying to do is bump up your milk supply until it reaches the new level she needs.
So just try to keep through this hump. It looks like you’ve got a lot of good suggestions to help you get through it. Get as much rest as you can. Good luck.
Could she be getting teeth? Hyland’s homeopathics make a teething tablet for babies and it REALLY can help with the teething/sleeping problem. My daughter still climbs into our bed every night at four and a half and although some mornings I wake up stiff and grumpy- I would really miss her if she wasn’t there and after having two boys who sleep on their own, I know it will end one day and I will mourn that time so… Good luck with the tiredness and you are a great mom!
At the risk of being another mother saying “yeah, it’s a phase, it’ll pass….”
Ages and stages — and yes, it’ll pass.
(As a grandmother, it’s easier for me to say: for years my mantra was “ages and stages”.)
Will she not take her pacifier at all anymore? Have you tried a different brand/larger sized nipple on the paci?? Maybe she was just tired of the old pacifier?
Hope you get everything worked out. Nursing is TOTALLY worth it, though – keep on keepin’ on!!
:O)
“Deep down I’m happy she’s with us” “I love nursing”….listen to those deep down thoughts. You know what’s right for you, you know what to do, you’re making the right choices for you and your family. I don’t even know you or your little precious baby – and I can feel how much you love her and what a great Mom you are. Trust yourself Mommy. (and I hope you get some sleep, poor thing)
Aaah, welcome to my world. Except my daughter is 14 months. Actually, she’s not really doing the all-u-can eat nighttime buffet right now, but I usually find that she gets like that when she’s teething. Maybe that’s it? I’ve been getting work done in the middle of the night as well. This mothering stuff is nuts, isn’t it? But even when you’re the most delirious, it’s still totally worth it! Hope you get some sleep soon!
Sounds like either a growth spurt or teething, neither of which will last forever π
My girl never took a soother at all, but she did go through phases of nursing lots and then easing back and sleeping longer. You do doubt yourself when sleep is lacking and there are always people who will be shocked that she co-sleeps or nurses on demand. But I have a happy, healthy, affectionate and independent almost 3-year old now and I think we did OK π
this too will pass!
Don’t fret. This too shall pass, the mantra of parenting. It sounds to me like she may be going through a growth spurt. She is combining the eating and sleeping. And stimulating you to make more milk for her! Every time my girls went through a big spurt I felt like I was nursing non-stop. The thing about babies is that it isn’t a one way trajectory of progress. Sometimes they need to go back to more comforting things, like nursing or cuddling and then they leap forward and reach another new milestone. Unfortunately, from a Mom’s perspective it is hard to identify until it is all over and you have that aha! moment where it all makes sense in retrospect, or once you actually get some sleep. Hang tough.
It’s so sweet of you to share this with us. My babies are teens now, but I too was locked in this love at one time. My first instinct was to say it marks a big change coming in her behavior (I’m also a pediatric nurse). Please don’t “should” yourself. I don’t think you wouldn’t tell me what I should do. You’re doing the best thing for your own family.
Warning: Unsolicited parenting advice ahead
You need a sling. 3+ yards of fabric and 2 D shaped rings.
Sling goes around you, baby goes in sling. Two hands free to work.
I’m not sure what kind of work you do, exactly, but if it’s feasible, it might work.
xo
p.s. thecowgodess.com
I would be inclined agree with the teething and/or developmental milestone theories — my daughter has always gone in and out in nursing intensity (she’s 2 now).
I find the bonus of co-sleeping in these periods is that you don’t have to get out of bed to deal with it which makes it much easier (at least for me and my daughter) to go back to sleep again!
Since I got nursing lying down figured out I don’t always wake up all the way when she needs to nurse in the night (these days she comes and climbs into bed with me as she sleeps in her toddler bed across the room, but depending on the timing I hardly notice). Of course that doesn’t much help if you have a hard time napping during the day at times like this.
But I hear you on second guessing yourself, I think that’s just part of being an engaged parent and knowing there are so many ways of parenting out there. I second the Ask Moxie recommendation — you can read about what’s worked for lots of families whether you looking for new things to try or evidence of someone going through what you are!
Maybe she’ll take the paci again after whatever she’s working up to comes through – or maybe she’ll just figure out how to get back to sleep by herself. I hope you get better rest soon. I’d say go with what works for you guys, but at the same time don’t be afraid to experiment with variations. (Is she in between you two? We had a side-car co-sleeper which we used sometimes depending on how touched out I was during the day, whether I wanted to pull the blankets up without worrying about smothering her, where she was with sleep etc. For a while we had it on my husband’s side of the bed because I was feeling like I woke up too easily to her stirring and maybe woke her up unnecessarily sometimes when she was just turning over not actually looking to nurse. Sorry this comment turned out so long I’m a rambler over sharing, not trying to tell you what to do.)
We are in the same situation and Ossley is nearly nine months. We call him the all night snacker. It is reassuring to hear that someone else is also questioning her choices, essentially the same choices we’ve made–co-sleeping, etc. People keep advising me to sleep train and I’ve let my mind wander there only to feel sick. I can’t do it, I love sleeping with the little one and I know we will get through this . . . But, I am a proponent of doing what works for you not what works for someone else! Ossley has just started crawling and pulling himself up on everything . . .
I had 2 thumb suckers and then my 3rd. No thumb, no pacy, just boob. I feel your pain. I too loved nursing too much to be too upset about it, it was just a bit frustrating at times. Do I keep him a baby or foster independence?
That thing where you’re questioning yourself? Yeah, it continues. Try to remember you made the decision that was best for you and her at that time. Doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind. At any moment. Or back again. Several times. Ask me now I know.
They’re all different and you can’t make them how you want (kids). I had one who I was proud to get to give up the pacifier (at early school or pre-school age) only to have him switch to his thumb and then his shirt. I’d rather have stuck with the paci. My second wouldn’t take anything but me.
Someday, you will look back on these days with fondness. When my son was tiny, I think I bought 10 kinds of pacifier, in desperate hopes he’d take something. But time went by, first came staying asleep, then falling asleep, then choosing his own room over mine.
Now that he’s 12, it all seems to have flowed so smoothly π
First of all, I think it’s really great that Meli has given up her paci. She’ll do just fine. It’ll be ok. My kids gave them up early, too, and they were fine. From what I’ve seen, breaking that paci habit later can be brutal.
Second of all, have you heard of Richard Ferber’s book “Solve your child’s sleep problems”? We’ve used this at various points through these past 11 years of parenting, and it’s been a miracle book. Really. And it works fine for kids as young as eight months old. Good luck!
I had one with a pacifier (and the horrific battle to wean him off it aged 3.) I had one thumb sucker and that was just fine…he just sort of stopped that himself. I had one who loved my boob, but only in times of stress.
It’s easier to get them off the boob than a pacifier, trust me. And eight months is awfully young to be worrying about it. But take my fervent advice…do not get into a situation where the only way she can get to sleep is to nurse. This is the classic rod for your own back. Give her five minutes, two, one…whatever you can stand after she wakes up and starts screaming for your boob. Send the OH in. Anything. But don’t offer the boob as the first resort. You want her to be able to settle herself to sleep, so at least give her the chance to try.
I don’t really know anything about co-sleeping as we never did it with our kids (except when they were really little, two months or younger, and they slept in a bassinet next to the bed and I would sometimes wake and find them in the bed and not remember how they got there).
Could she be teething? My kids would suck/chew on anything including a paci, but maybe these new things in her mouth have thrown her off stride? I suppose you could try introducing a differently shaped pacifier or teether, maybe the kind with gel-ish stuff in it.
I do agree with the advice not to get into the box where she needs to nurse to sleep. I was advised fairly early on to make sure they were awake between finishing nursing and putting them down — it was fine for them to fall asleep that way the first few months (that is after all why you change them before, not after) but thereafter they should fall asleep on their own.
The magic weight for sleeping through the night is supposed to be 11 pounds — after that theoretically they can, with proper training. Taz slept through the night at six weeks, but Miss B woke up at least once a night until six months, whereupon I caved (I was back at work by then) and Ferberized her. I guess it would be hard to do that with Meli sleeping in your bed — could you maybe put a crib next to your bed and move it away a little at a time? I know it’s hard to think of doing that, but at a certain point (trust me, I know) the sleep-deprived captive breaks and must take drastic measures.
/me Π² ΡΠΎΠΊΠ΅
Didn’t see this advice anywhere, so here goes – the only thing I gained from the _No Cry Sleep Solution_ was this tidbit: break the seal and remove your nipple after she’s asleep. When she roots for it, let her latch on again. Count to 5 or 10 or 20 (your comfort level) and then de-latch again. The first time it will take 5 or more de-latches before she’s too sleepy to reattach. But at least for me, by night (or nap) #2 I could get away after one or two tries. It shouldn’t wake her or upset her – but you’ll be free so much faster!
yep, we’ve been there. don’t give up on the bink. It’s probably just her teeth coming in or some other developmental miracle.
good luck
you can do it!
If you feel like you are at the end of your rope you might try teething tablets like these.
http://www.hylands.com/products/teething.php
I gave them to my older child when she was getting her molars and the younger when she was starting to teeth. Using them before bedtime and naptime reduced a lot of the waking up in the middle and needing soothed back to sleep. Having just one less wake up in the middle of the night really helped my outlook.
Separation anxiety! Am dealing with it right now myself. Walking is a challenge with a little baby hanging on your legs!
Oh, I can so relate. Henry’s only 5-going-on-6-weeks, but I can NEVER put him down. He doesn’t cry for anything but the boob, and nothing calms him down but the boob. He won’t take a paci, which is kind of ok with me, and so far won’t take a bottle – which I’m torn on, because I need to go back to work, but I’m only going back 2 days a week and am wondering if I can just wait until the next school year when he’ll be older. But I go through the same thing – constant nursing, nights where he FINALLY sleeps about 3-4 hours at first, then is up every 30 minutes or so, and the sense of desperation if I pull him off – or if he falls asleep, falls off, and then realizes his mouth is nipple-less – he’ll scream himself purple in the time it takes me to hurriedly stuff my boob back in my bra and switch to the other side! Cute, but scary!