In the chicken or the egg fashion, I ask: Which came first the desire to write, or the need for readers?
In other words, if a blogger blogs but bloglines doesn’t update the feed, does a blogger really blog?
Yesterday I spent a lot of time on my post – it was great fun for me, don’t get me wrong. I linked a lot, I relieved past lives, I longed for long hair. But since bloglines didn’t update me until around 10:30 last night, I was pretty lonely all day. Which got me thinking (yet again) about the whole blogging thing.
I used to be a writer. Used to be, because I haven’t written a story in quite a while – a fact that breaks my heart every day. But since I started the blog, I’ve been writing again. No, not what’s ultimately most important to me (telling stories – fiction) but about myself. And it really doesn’t matter because it’s still writing. I think about my posts almost the way I would write my stories in my head. I craft them, if you will. I’m getting my groove back. It’s coming.
I’d still rather pick up the needles than the pen – but honestly – there is nothing harder in the world, mentally at least, than staring at a blank screen and hoping to fill it with your blood and guts and genius. I’m in a rut.
Do you know what writer’s block really is? I teach this to my students all the time, so why not here? A writer has two distinct personalities living in their head (see – we are crazy!). A Generator and an Editor. The generator’s the personality that sits there and cranks out the words – the zone head – filling up pages and pages and pages of pure unadulterated Nobel winning genius.
The Editor’s the personality that takes one look at all that superiority and says CRAP! CRAPTASTIC CRAP! And starts rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically at the hubris of the generator.
Don’t get me wrong. The Editor is an essential partner in the writing process (remember – it’s all about the process) but really needs to be kept in a sound-proof box until about the second or third draft. Second draft. Really. Get two under your belt before you want to rip the thing to shreds. There will be that much more to save.
The Generator needs peace and quiet and unconditional love to work the magic. People – I’m all about the love.
So what happens with writer’s block is that these two warring factions are together a bit too early – like right out of the starting gate.
Here’s an illustration of what happens:
Generator: Okay, so they’re at the mall and they see a fortune teller and the fortune teller gets all freaky when the first girl walks by…
Editor: Snort. In a mall? Puleese. You’re setting it in a mall? Sweet Valley High, here we come!
Generator: Fine. They’re at a fair. Lots of noise in the background. Lots of lights. It’s hot. Sweating lemonades. All the sights and sounds and there’s a fortune teller…
Editor: Don’t forget the freaks! Got to have freaks. C’mon – what’s a modern short story without a two headed midget? The New Yorker’s going to want first rights!
Generator: Gotcha. I’m worthless. Let’s go knit and watch bad TV.
See how fast the Generator folds? Not very strong of character I’m afraid.
Life sucks and then you write.
Anyway, back to my problem. Yesterday I was frustrated. The nice thing about blogging is that I can convince myself that it’s JUST LIKE REAL WRITING (which it is – I’ve just got issues with myself)and I have an instant audience. Well at least I thought I did. It’s like my editor self and bloglines are conspiring against any and all writing progress I’m making.
The generator is a muscle that needs to be exercised. We’re about one step up from atrophy at this point, but getting better all the time!
Just so you know, I generally update my blog every day Monday thru Friday. I blog in the morning usually so my posts should appear mid-morning. Just so you know. In case you’re missing me or something.
I’m not quite sure that this post makes sense in any way. I’m PMS and pissed and tired. My neighbors think it’s fun to sit on their balcony and talk really loud at 6AM in a foreign language that I can’t understand right off my bedroom window and wake me from sweet dreams. That is when they’re not stinking me out of my own bedroom with their homemade delicacies. Seriously. Bloglines better watch out.
Obligatory knitting content: I will finish the short row sleeve tonight and immediately cast on for the front. I don’t care about the ends on the back anymore. I’ll deal with it later. AND in big, BIG, news – we may be attending this (yes, honey, dinner at Hearst Castle) and if we do it’s black tie and I need a new dress and I want to wear FBS. So I have about three weeks to finish it. Think I can do it? Oh Zephyr! God Speed!
I will find out for sure today or tomorrow. You know what that means though – I’m heading out to La La Land. Who’s going to entertain me with knitting delights?
I have blogline issues too — and sometimes my link is dropped from others’ sites if they use bloglines to post their links.
so the question remains, if a blogger falls in the woods and no one is around to hear her, does she blog about it?
I got two updates for you this morning.
The story about the Generator and the Editor is great! I like the part about how the generator decides to watch TV and knit. heehee.
I think that if the options are to either blog daily or not write at all, blogging keeps that writing muscle alive. It counts. definitely.
Don’t fret too much…some of us don’t count on Bloglines for notice of your site being updated, but rather check obsessively the old fashioned way for new posts. 😉
I think you can start and finish the FBS – and seeing another one (in the process and finished) will probably propell me to start looking for the fiber trends pattern for the FBS! (I missed the IK issue, and learned not that long ago that there is a FT pattern that has lots of modifications for it. The search is (almost) on!)
As for reading, I’m a “click on the links” and see who’s updated person. Bloglines sounds like a good idea, but I like being surprised by the page that appears in front of me.
I hope you’re feeling the love! Like Meredith, I pretty much check out your site every day the old fashioned way. Where else can I get such pretty pictures and witty writing? (the answer is no where, just in case you were wondering)
Are trying to say something about the tortoise and hare? No? Oh well.
I check my favorite blogs even if Bloglines doesn’t update. Especially when I know they usually post during the week. If you only write for me is that writing?
Do you think you could be my writing tutor via on-line?
I get updates from you every day, and always read – sometimes I’m just lazy at commenting (which has been often for the last week or two, I’ve been so busy – I mean, I’m not even blogging!). I know it is disappointing when you work hard on something and it doesn’t get the response you were working on. But I try to remember that I’m always blogging for ME, and that helps a bit.
Cheers, lady!
I get rss updates through my browser (Safari), so I haven’t been missing you, just lurking. I started reading sometime around the pinwheel creation and have since made one. I’m so out of practice writing I can barely put together an email. Thanks for the generator/editor and all those amazing photographs.
Love the turtle – it’s like he’s giving Bloglines the stink eye 🙂
I of course have no idea if my feed works because I never check it. Instead I’ve been assuming that the Editor hasn’t been working very well and my posts are truly craptacular thus my comments are way down. Its the process.
I read you everyday and don’t usually post a comment but decided to let you know I recd. update this a.m., but have you on my bookmarks and look you up that way sometimes. Wonderful blog and have fun at the wine event. Wish I was there.
You said: “I will finish the short row sleeve tonight and immediately cast on for the front. I don’t care about the ends on the back anymore. I’ll deal with it later”
See, you just let your Generator win over your Editor with your knitting too – good job!
Ack, you have no reason to complain! You shoulda been bloggin’ back in the days before bloglines and RSS feeds. It was crazy, I tell ya. There was NO way of telling when someone had updated so you spent even more time online checking to see if your fave blogs had something new up.
The younger generation. So spoiled. 😉
Loved your pic and story yesterday!
Regardless of your Generator/Editor conflicts, you’ve got an awesome Photographer in there! The photo of the wee turtle is adorable!
Oh, Cara, I love your stories! Everything from Israel to Generators & Editors — entertaining, enlightening, thought-provoking. Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
I just sent my Generator over to your place to stand on your Editor’s head for a little while. (I’m not using the Generator lately cause I’m in revisions and she was annoying me, hanging around, making lots of noise, eating all the food in the fridge, talking like a Beat poet in the bathroom mirror, the usual Id shit.) Anyway, sometimes she gets…um…a bit unrestrained, so don’t let her hurt your Editor too bad. Just know that your Editor will be kept occupied until at least tomorrow morning.
Now go get your Generator. (I think I hear her rooting around in the back of your closet) Get her and get to work, Missy.
XO
You updated for me.
I was thinking along the lines of Kerstin…pre bloglines. And there was my inability to change and actually use bloglines. and tutorials from everyone’s purlingswine on bloglines…i gotcha covered now thanks to you showing me where to go to get your updates.
So how was the appointment? Feeling a bit better now I hope. 😉 Love ya baby!
Ooooh la la, dinner at Hearst Castle; it will be super decadent.
As for blogging and bloglines, it’s frustrating, but eventually bloglines updates and then I have more posts to read. You should definitely continue to write/blog. Your post yesterday was fantastic. 🙂
I love the Generator/Editor description, very insightful. I think I’m starting to realize that I blog for the community, and not necessarily for myself, as much as I’d like to say it’s the other way around. I like getting responses and hearing what other people have to say. I don’t think the “people pleaser” side of me is a bad thing all the time, just when I let it get out of hand!
At the risk of sounding like a crochety, old blogger (who me?!?), I have to agree with Kerstin and Kathleen. Tsk, tsk you newbie blogger you. In the old days you could blog for days before someone read a post.
I love your blog and I just found it, thanks to Margene…keep writing!!!!
Oh that turtle is beautiful. I always get your updates, but then that may be to do with the timezone thing or perhaps that I am on the right feed. This does remind me that I should check my list of feeds for people that haven’t updated recently. I think the worst thing about bloglines is that I get slack about actually remembering anything for myself…
So you’re telling me you knit, are a pop culture fanatic AND used to be a writer? I think I love you 😉
I haven’t had any issues with your updates from Bloglines, just to let you know…
I think my Generator skipped town a few years ago, when I brought my puppy home. Maybe she’s afraid of dogs? Or (more likely) afraid of the competition–and heaven knows it takes a lot of creative thought to raise a puppy (or a child, I understand), and that doesn’t leave a lot of imagination leftover for creative writing. Meanwhile, my Editor’s been lounging around, using her excising knife to file her nails. It’s a sad, sad state of affairs, I’m telling you. At least the knitting provides some creative outlet!
And! Not everyone uses bloglines for their RSS feeds. I use a pc-based news reader and I get all my updates as soon as they post! (It’s called FeedDemon and I love it!)
Bloglines is a free service and much like blogspot and other free online services, the price you pay is often in the quality of service!
🙂