Like L-O-V-E.
I’ve been accused of loving everything – actually becoming obsessed over everything – and it didn’t feel very loving when it was said – but I’m here to tell you that it’s just not true. I can hate blindly and deeply along with the rest of you.
To prove it, I’m giving you my very own Stephen Colbert ON NOTICE list that I originally saw over at Julia’s. I don’t think my post will match the brilliance of hers (and by the way, she stole all the things I hate) but I’m going to give it a go.
People who let their dogs off leash
See here. There are places where you are allowed to have your dog off a leash. Go there. I could give two shits that your dog is so well trained you taught him to shit on cue, keep him on a leash. Oh and my god there’s a special place in hell for those of you who HAVE the leash, in hand, but don’t put it on the dog. Poor little doggies. It must be just awful to live with you.
Slowpokes in the left lane
(Not to be confused with Snakes on a Plane. Those are okay.) PASS on the left. PASS. Not PASS OUT. Move the fuck over.
Islamojewchristianhindufascists
Orginally I had islamojewchristianhindubuddhistfascists but G said that was taking it a bit far. I mean, who ever heard of a buddhist fascist? (Richard Gere doesn’t count.) Also it didn’t fit. Here at January One, we’re all about equal opportunity hatred. I don’t care who you are and what god you might happen to subscribe to – if you kill, maim, disparage, torture, discriminate against, or do anything other than love and respect those that do not believe what you believe IN THE NAME OF YOUR GOD, then you don’t deserve a place on this fine planet. Nuff said.
Party Poopers
You know who these people are. They have something to say about everything and more likely than not it’s negative. You know what? My life isn’t so great all the time, but I CAN CHOOSE not to dwell on the negative. Or at least try not too. It’s going to rain (when the sun’s up in the sky.) You’re doing it wrong (my way or the highway.) She’s happy all the time (walk a minute in my shoes.) GET OVER YOURSELF. If you don’t have anything nice to say, then find another Party Pooper and go to it. There is so much negativity in this world why perpetrate it? And THERE IS SO MUCH DIVERSITY it’s paralyzing sometimes. SO IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT I/WE/THEM ARE DOING – GO FIND SOMETHING ELSE!!!
The smell of your cooking
Dude. It might be your favorite dish in the whole freaking world and your grandmother’s secret recipe from the old country and I’m happy for you that the recipe survived three wars, two marriages and a boat ride across the Atlantic BUT I DON’T WANT TO SMELL IT IN MY BEDROOM. Please turn the fan on in your kitchen. That’s why you have it.
Humidity
I’m rendered speechless by the hate.
Entitlement whores
Ah. One of my favorites. I should be able to drive any car/truck I want regardless of its damaging effects on the enviroment and the safety of others because THIS IS AMERICA GODDAMIT! My kid should be able to push your kid around in the sandbox without repercussions because kids will be kids and THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY GODDAMIT! My problems are the most important problems in the world and must be attended to this instant because THAT’S WHAT DEMOCRACY STANDS FOR! I want it NOW. I don’t want to wait. I don’t want to work for it. I WANT IT THE WAY I WANT IT BECAUSE THAT IS MY RIGHT UNDER THE GOOD OL RED WHITE AND BLUE. What happened to this fine country? I’m all for individual freedoms and rights and the pursuit of happiness but we all still have to live together. Whether we like it or not, sometimes that means doing things for the greater good. We’re not all perfect, but we can try a helluva lot harder to RESPECT. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to me.
Pain
Emotional pain. Mental pain. Physical pain. Psychic pain. Pains in the ass. I’m against it all. But especially the pain that my love suffers through every single day. That pain I hate more than anything.
Whew! That felt good! I encourage you all to try it. Thanks person who was so judgemental towards me! I appreciate it!
Yesterday I spent all day fixing up things around here. If you’ll take a moment to notice – I cleaned up the sidebar. There is now a drop down hierarchical topic list for better navigation, as well as a search bar. I hope it makes your reading easier and more efficient. Also, I moved all of the Spin Out information over to its new home: SPIN-OUT.ORG! Getting things ready a bit early for Spin Out 2007. I had a bit of trouble though and accidentally erased the blog for Crossed In Translation. Eventually I will get it all back up – it’s been very very slow for awhile anyway, so I’m not going to kill myself, but BE CAREFUL. Back up your blogs and my god check like eighty times before you hit that delete button.
My back is feeling better – thanks for all the suggestions. I had a really weird episode with a chiro once (had nothing to do with back cracking and everything to do with being half naked in an exam room and being seriously creeped out) so I won’t be going back anytime soon. I’m sure you understand. Anyway, I rested it good yesterday (read: no knitting or spinning) and that seemed to work for me. The other night I did cast on for my BW top down sweater – which meant CROCHET. My god that provisional cast on is fiddly. But I did it and then started the short rows for the shoulders but didn’t like the way I was doing it on the purl side so I ripped and I have yet to go back. I did do some work on my STR Knee High number 2 – I’m past the ribbing so it’s SMOOTH sailing from here on out. Maybe some plying on tap for today. We’ll see.
Have a FANTASTIC DAY!
L, C
wow —– glad to see I didn’t make the list! a know it was a close call ….
where’s Norma? I know, I I I I
I love you. 🙂
Have you ever read John Waters’ essay “101 Things I Hate?” He also has one entitled “101 Things I Love.” They’re both hilarious, though the hate one is certainly more fitting in the context of this post. You rock so hard.
Gotta get me one of those lists…Thanks
i beg to differ … snakes on a plane, totally not ok.
i can’t even think about going to this movie. i can stand bugs, i can stand rats, i can stand mice, but i can not bear the thought of even having a snake in the same hemisphere as me.
Nicely tidied up (reminds me to do the same one of these days). I’m glad your back is feeling better and sure hope that G’s improves. My DH had lots of trouble with his back until he finally had surgery.
Delurking to say BRAVO on the list! best.rant.ever. I may link to you and say “cara says it all!”
Love your blog – have been reading for a while, just shy to comment 🙂
You forgot bears.
Bears are mandatory.
My list would also include morons at airport security who think that even thought the sign explicitly states No Beverages, the sign can’t possibly mean *them*.
I’m with you about people who think their dogs are too good to be on a leash.
We got my dog from the pound when he was only a few months old, but his first few months had been horrific – he’d been beaten and neglected and left on the side of the road, and he’s never really recovered from being nervous of strange people and children and other dogs. We love him to death and he’s incredibly loving with me and my family, but we keep him muzzled because he’s unpredictable, and we can’t trust other people to teach their children not to approach strange dogs, and we can’t trust other people to have their dogs on leash and under control on public streets. Still, every month or so I’ll be out for a walk with him and someone will be out with a dog that’s not on a leash, and it makes me think of what could happen if I didn’t have my dog under control.
There’s always the possibility that a dog might attack someone, and as a result have to be surrendered and destroyed. Leashes and muzzles and all the rest of it are just as much for the dog’s own protection as for the protection of others.
You’re my hero! I would totally make a list like yours except the size of it would make the solar system explode.
i agree with maryse. snakes on a plane, ok? i think not. as far as i’m concerned, snakes should be banned from the earth forever and ever.
great list, though.
What you said. Yeah.
Oddly enough, this gave me just the right amount of motivation to try to actually get some work done today. Nothing like a little hate so early in the morning…Great post. Loved it!
Try this link for a video of provisional cast on. No crochet involved. If you watch it to the end it shows how to use a circular needle instead of waste yarn. Very cool. It’s now my preferred method.
For the record I HATE people that don’t clean up their own messes in the kitchen and bathroom here at work. Pigs I tell ya’!
Me too on the Chiro. I had a creepy experience, too. Great list! Mine would include people who treat waitstaff like idiots!
amen!
hi5!* on the dogs. i am a boxer owner who with the fire of a BILLION suns absolutely loathes people who let their dogs run around off-leash. you know why? those are the very people that ruin it for the rest of us law-abiding dog owners that would LOVE to be able to take our dogs places on the leash, but can’t because people who don’t love dogs, and are rightfully sick of having other people’s dogs forced on them have gotten fed up. over the summer, my bf and i were at the beach, and were extremely disappointed to learn we couldn’t take our dog on the beach, even on a leash, until after 5 pm. fine, great. We left and came back at 5:30. Of course, some women with ugly straw hats, turquoise pants sets & 4 yappy little dogs were letting their dogs run around the beach without a leash. i couldn’t handle it anymore, and ended up screaming something about the sign being in RIGHT THERE and wasn’t it sad that women of their age just couldn’t bring themselves to follow the rules. and along with mote, my dog being a huge 60-lb lump of pure muscle, i can’t guarantee he won’t eat someone’s yappy little off-leash mutt who charges him while barking their head off.
anyway. sorry for the diatribe in your comments, but you touched a nerve. just know that there are lots of us dog owners out here that couldn’t agree with you more. =]
Amen, sister. I so need to make myself a list.
I just love this blog. Every word. Every picture. Everything you knit.
Great list. I’m with ya on the Entitled People. Sheesh, where do they get off?
#1 son gave me that Bruce CD for my b’day last week. What a kid!
I love your optimism! and you know what? you let loose once in awhile–when the mood strikes YOU not when someone demands it! I hate it when people can’t keep quiet when they have nothing nice to say! you are not blogging for their pleasure–you’re blogging for you and if someone wants to come along for the ride then thats even better. Keep on keepin’ it real….
awesome cara! i might have to try that out… it’s like a great release!! oh and it might be too early to say but i totally want in on Rhineback this year 😉
I love it! Oh I do love everything too, but I certainly can find a lot for my list. Love your post and I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better.
Awesome list. It’s a beautiful day here today and there’s NO humidity. Yippeee!
I SO love you.
Today my brain stayed in my head AND I found out my kid is coming home one day early, TOMORROW!
Life is good 🙂
Great list! I’d write my own list but I think you pretty much said it all! Oh and I’m glad your back is feeling better.
I hope you feel better. I tried to disagree with your list, but I couldn’t. Ditto.
That is Hysterical! And so true. I heart Colbert!
Right on, Sista!! You hit every single nail right on the head. Want to know how fed up I was with me and my dog being attacked by other dogs every single day? I moved three states away to the woods and bought my own d*mn park. I used to love dogs, (still love my own more than life itself) but I have developed a terror of dogs that I really resent. If someone jingles their keys behind me, it sounds like a collar jangling and I get a rush of adrenaline.
Anyway, I’ve been lurking for a while and have been wanting to tell you that you are an awesome photographer. I love clicking in for a new post and getting a new ab-fab picture in the header.
Dude! You win for concision, as about three of my list items could’ve been summed up in one category on yours- Ann Coulter, Entitlement Whore & Undercarriage Mosquito Breeding Ground.
I, too, hate the no leash folks. Why, just this morning a gnarled old man with his free-range PIT BULL took a walk through the PLAYGROUND where Biscuits and I were hanging out. May he be eaten by his dog.
ooooh! hate! yes! …. i too hate people who have their dogs off leash (on trails where the sign very specifically says to keep dogs ON the leash)(and then, those morons who use the long retractable leashes that don’t know how to use them)(and then, if they do, they should put themselves between you and their dog on the little trail!). it just makes me want to kick the dog’s owner!
on a positive note, your log cabin is FABULOUS!
You want entitlement issues? Try living in Marin County! We recently moved here from the Pacific NW (aka: “Where People Actually Follow the Rules…Most of the Time”) only to find that the hordes of anorexic lemondrops chauffeuring ONE kid around in 40-ft BMW SUVs don’t really understand the concept of not parking in a firelane. “Oh, but I have a baby” they whine as they prance into Starbucks for their non-fat, no-sugar, no-whip gigante espresso supremo. Listen here, honey. It was YOUR choice to get knocked up so just live with the consequences – walk the extra 10 feet and park in a PARKING SPACE!
Don’t even get me started on the leash thing. I swear there are about 4 dogs to every one person living in Marin and every single one of them is leashless. Big ‘NO DOGS’ signs are posted all over our local beach but apparently the signs don’t apply to the people of Marin county.
Ironically, I’ve never met a more pleasant bunch of rule breakers. Go figure.
PS: Not to harp on it, but my chiro is a chick and I’ve never so much as lifted my shirt, much less taken it off. Ick! Look around. Ok, I’m done. Glad you’re feeling better!
Hallelujah, sister!
Yay!!! Let’s hear it for the HATE! I’m all for it, believe me. hate hate hate
😀
Don’cha love it when people tell you what to blog? By all means, tell me what to write, and when you’re done, tell me what to THINK.
Other than that, I love your list and totally agree. 🙂
Awesome. Love it. Love you! 🙂
Know what I hate more than dogs off leash? Dogs on those flex-leashes that extend 20 feet. You can’t control your dog that far away, and the leash is nearly invisible to passers-by. Many’s the runner I know who has wound up re-enacting a familiar screwball comedy scene by tripping over an invisible dog leash.
OMG, I’m cracking up over here! I may need to do my own list (although I am with you on all of yours, I can definitely think of more). 😉
Entitlement Whore? Oh, that’s great, my husband will want to use that on the way home from work. Thanks!!
Your list is good. I wanted to do one, but I’m in too good a mood.
rah rah! I’m so sick of people who think they deserve everything for nothing. It makes me want to barf. Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me! RETCH.
Get thee to an osteopath, rather than a chiropracter. I don’t even undress for mine. I wear gym shorts and a t-shirt and love her.
Entitlement whores. The side of people in the preop area that I hate the most.
Interesting list.
Even more interesting that you list Party Poopers, yet your list is all about complaining, or pointing out negative things in your life.
Just sayin’.