Limbo

Well, the house is on the market. Now we get to wait and see what happens. Can you say INCREDIBLY STRESSFUL? I am by nature a messy person. There’s nothing I can do about it – it’s in the genes – but now I have to live on the edge. Anybody can call at any moment to see the house and it needs to be PERFECT. I’m trying really hard, but the truth is I feel like no one’s going to buy our place (not really any reason to think this – except maybe the economy and something my realtor said: when you’re done with a place, you don’t think anyone else is going to want it either) and that no one’s going to come see it and yet I STILL have to live like anyone could walk in at any minute. It’s a weird feeling.

Also weird is the fact that when we leave here this summer (fingers crossed we sell the place!!!) we will have lived in our building for EIGHTEEN YEARS! Can you believe it? That means that G and I have lived together for eighteen years. I only lived with my parents for seventeen years. Weird might not be the right word. Surreal? I think about it and I don’t get sad or nostalgic really, just incredulous. It doesn’t feel like 18 years.

I am getting nervous about the move. Not the actual physical part of moving, but being a new part of an existing community. Will I fit in? Will people like me? Will there be knitters? (Actually, the neighboring town has at least THREE yarn stores. The town we’re moving to has almost NO commercial activity, so you have to go to the nearby towns for everything.) I must admit I’ve had fantasies about teaching all the local moms how to knit and hosting knitting days at my house. See? I’m going crazy.

I’m also trying to work through some stuff with the baby. Nothing wrong exactly, but I’m seriously thinking about having to wean her. Not because she wants it and not because I want it either but because we’d like to try to get pregnant again at the end of the summer and that means hormones that are not safe to take while breastfeeding. I’m incredibly torn – I don’t feel like it’s an option to wait on another baby (I will be 40 in January and if the frozen embryos we have don’t work, we could be looking at an even MORE difficult time conceiving) and I am also absolutely HEARTBROKEN about having to wean my baby girl. I’ve read a bunch of stuff and talked to my sister (who nursed three kids until each was two) and I’m going to start slow – trying to cut out nursing sessions during the day offering up lots of snacks and distractions and eventually, later, when it’s not as trying because we don’t nurse so much during the day, I’ll tackle the nights. I dread night weaning. Pure dread. I feel better now, though, because I thought I was going to have to start with nights and last night I tried not to nurse her once, at around 2AM and it was a DISASTER. So day weaning for now – or cutting out sessions that are just habit – and the really hard stuff later on. Still, though, it’s been really sad for me even just thinking about it. We’ve been so fortunate to have had a fantastic time nursing – it means so much to our whole family – G included – that to end it feels so terribly sad.

I’ll ask you this – please be kind in the comments. I’m in a fragile state as it is. Thank you for your support. It’s really great that I have this place to come to and vent. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.

PS – Thanks to everyone who voted for Gale. She made it into the top 20 which means she’s into the final round. Now it’s up to the powers that be. GO GALE!

Comments

  1. I totally understand how you feel about the nursing issue. My 1 year old is now “too busy” to nurse, but refuses milk from a cup so I still have to get him to nurse sometimes when he’d rather play. He still likes to nurse in the morning and at nap/bedtime, but that’s it. It feels INCREDIBLY sad! He’s not a cuddly baby so that was our cuddle time. He’s always nursed so eagerly that now it’s hard to believe that he wants less nursing time. I’m very reluctant to give it up. I hope we find other ways to bond and cuddle and have together time, I’m sure that as you wean Meli the same will happen for you. Good luck!

  2. Don’t sweat it! My two oldest quit nursing before they hit one year, and my youngest quit at 14 months. All three of them are VERY healthy kids. You’ve nursed Meli for over a year, so you have given her tremendous health benefits already. Anything new is and adjustment, both for Mom and baby! It will have some rough patches, but you will both come out fine in the end. 🙂 Expect a few tears along the way, I sat on the couch and cried terribly when my daughter (oldest child) quit nursing. We did both survive though. 🙂 Hugs to you and good luck selling your place!!!

  3. Moving, nursing, uncertainty? I TOTALLY get it.Thanks for letting us know what is going on. Sending you very good juju. My baby Duncan turned SIX today. SIX! I tell you. Oh how I hear you on the bittersweet. Happy Passover.

  4. I wish you the best in all you have going on. I enjoy reading your blog and looking at all of your happy girl videos and pics. I hope your house sells fast and everything goes smoothly with your decision to wean. Kids really pull on the heart strings. Thanks for writing for the world to read!
    You are an awesome person!!!

  5. That’s a tough one. At this point the nursing is not so much about nutrition, but about the physical bond/quiet time/cuddle time. Sneak in lots of extra cuddles and set up a routine around that — it may make the weaning easier for you both.
    I weaned both my kids at around 8 mo. and when I had my last feeding with my second (and last) child, I cried a river.
    It’s ok.

  6. Have you read Tom Hale’s “Medications and Mother’s Milk”? He has a site here (http://neonatal.ttuhsc.edu/lact/) that may help you. I wish you all the luck with both the move and Meli.

  7. Oh, man. That is SUCH a tough choice to make, and so bittersweet. Night weaning was hard, but you CAN do it!

  8. I went through selling a house last year. I totally know where you’re coming from. At that point, we had a 3 year old, and I was pregnant with our second, and our family is one of the un-tidiest around. (It doesn’t help that our 3 year old is spoiled by the grandparents. She’s got more toys than strands of hair.) But you’ll get used to it. Good luck!

  9. Good luck with the sale! I hope it goes well. Living on display is so hard. Esp. with a baby!
    In my experience with B, I night weaned first because I was getting up so early to run that I couldn’t be up feeding. Aaron did all the night feedings from about 9 mos on. It made the eventual weaning 6 mos later much easier. I don’t know if that would help the transition at all, but it’s something to think about. Weaning is both profoundly sad and liberating at the same time – I don’t envy your position! Good luck with everything!

  10. Wow, moving is super stressful. And having to wean on a schedule sounds rough. Hang in there! I can’t even imagine trying to have a house on the market with a little baby around. My aunt once suggested having the top dresser drawer empty so that the clutter could just get swept in there at a moment’s notice…I would wind up with a drawer full of broken crap and still have a cluttered house. We actually wound up moving out of the house for a week while it was on the market…but that was in a time/place where it only had to last a week.

  11. My 3rd/last baby was a champion nurser. My older 2 had nursed for 6 months and weaned themselves at that point. I was working 3 days a week then, so they were on the bottle as much as nursing, so it wasn’t a big deal. My last would never take a bottle, and I’d stopped working out of the home when she came along, so it was a different situation. I didn’t know how to wean her.
    What worked for me was to use delay tactics during the day and offer a substitute (water usually). I would tell her the milk was “all gone” which was a concept she’d grasped by then. Gradually, the time between nursing sessions increased and she learned to fall asleep without it. I’m not saying it was fun, but it was managable.
    It was a bit hard on me knowing she was my last baby, but it was the same with her learning to sit up and walk. My oldest is 9 now, and every day I have that feeling of separation in little ways. It never gets easier.

  12. After two kids of my own, both of whom nursed, I am a firm believer in do what works for YOU. This is a decision that you and only you can make for yourself, and it is not for anyone to judge. Best of luck for having your house on the market and with your decision.

  13. tracy3xl says:

    Ah, weaning. I agree with you about the plan to save night for last. I do know I can tell you that my first stopped at about 13 months because I was pregnanat and it was my idea to stop. My second nursed until 2 because I just wasn’t going to quit! May you have the same pleasure.

  14. Elizabeth says:

    I know this is completely useless to say but – you have no reason to feel guilty or like you’re doing something wrong. Every family has a different situation and nobody can judge anyone else. (My mom had to stop nursing when I was just a few months old for medical reasons – she’s a nurse and was stuck with a needle at work. The only significant side effect for us was having to feed me soy and goat milk since I couldn’t handle cow. And I think that as an adult there hasn’t been any effect on our relationship or my development.)
    also – good luck on your house/move. I’m moving right now and my significant other is in the process of attempting to buy a house, so I can imagine…

  15. What a bittersweet reason to end nursing. I have no words of wisdom, my baby quit nursing at 6 months. It’s so hard. May your weaning go as smooth as possible.
    I hope your home sells quickly and your move is as painless as possible.
    Happy Passover.

  16. Charlotte says:

    Congratulations! I know how much the whole breastfeeding issue can cut us moms to the bone, so do protect yourself. As far as weaning goes, what worked for me for both night and daytime weaning was: if they ask for the breast (and you should be able to read the signs — grabbing or patting at your chest, going into the nursing position, what have you), let them have it. Otherwise, don’t offer (even if you’re exhausted and you know a little nip will get everyone back to sleep). Once they’ve stopped nursing for a week or so, they may ask again, and then you can be mean and say no (sorry, no milk!). Of course, babies are so different from one another, so this may be totally irrelevant to you! Both my kids weaned between one year/18 months (and in both cases it was very bittersweet), by the way. I thought I’d be nursing until they were two, but it just didn’t work that way. There are many roads to being a good parent!

  17. Weaning? Nope, I don’t miss having had to do that! The night weaning was the hardest, because it was a total comfort situation for each of my 3… but, what works in this situation is what works in nearly every other situation with little ones: distraction. Give her something else to touch/taste/focus on, and get the calories into her another way while she’s distracted. If the new calories are what’s distracting her, so much the better. If she’s not TRULY hungry, you’ve got a much better chance to get past the nursing session without giving in. And can hubby/daddy do the bedtime routine? No nursing to be had there…

  18. Good luck with everything, Cara! I hope your house sells quickly so you can resume living as you usually do 🙂

  19. Do what works for your family and pay no attention to criticism from anyone else.
    Good luck selling your house.

  20. Good luck with selling your house, I hope everything falls into place for you guys! And definitely ignore criticism from others – you’re very lucky to still have and love this bond with your daughter. My daughter weaned right around 1, and it was so hard to hear everyone tell me it was a phase, or my fault. But as her mother, and knowing my baby girl, I knew what was going on and it was so very hard on me. I think it would be a little easier on you to have a little more control of the weaning, and babies are surprisingly flexible and adapt well. She’ll replace nursing with all kinds of new ways of showing you how much she depends on you and loves you! Lots of luck, and I’m excited that you guys are considering having another baby! I love your complete honesty when it comes to trying to conceive, pregnancy and motherhood! It’s refreshing!

  21. So often when I read your blog I’m wanting to tell you my whole life story (well, maybe just a fraction of it) so we can commiserate. I won’t bore you with it, but I just wanted to offer support and encouragement in all of the changes your are facing in the upcoming months. And like everything else, in a year you’ll look back at this entry and think, “Wow, made it through that one too. Go me!”
    I wish I had a knitting neighbor I could go hang with during the days! I think starting a knitting group in your new ‘hood is a great idea.

  22. I haven’t had kids so I can’t even really imagine what it’s like to have to be in the position your in but the optimist in me wants to say that yes, weaning her will be hard but look at why you’re doing it: a little brother or sister! Sometimes the ends to have beget the means…

  23. Collette says:

    I’m sorry–it sounds really hard. I have no big helpful information–my son was adopted and I wasn’t able to breastfeed him but I can only imagine how hard it is to let go of that. Getting him off a bottle was difficult enough. Be gentle with yourself–both in terms of the weaning and the house selling–and know that you’ll do what’s right for you and your family. I’d give you a hug and Gabe and I would come knit with you if we could! 😉

  24. Good luck with the house selling – I can’t even imagine (especially without all your yarn to comfort you).
    The weaning, I can imagine, and don’t want to! We’ve been down to just morning and evening since about eleven months. And I am getting a little teary thinking about the end of those! Who knew I was such a sop? But you’re both giving nursing up to offer someone new the opportunity!

  25. jmcmjoan says:

    From the time of birth, a parents main task is to make their offspring independent and able to navigate this overwhelming place we call life.
    Often times this can be more than we parents can grasp, but bit by bit we’ll get there. Do what you can, when you can, with the best intentions and everything will come out just fine.
    The smiles on your daughters face are the best indication you’re doing so much right. Believe in yourself!

  26. I’m not a mom and I have no advice, but I just wanted to say you have a beautiful daughter and I wish your whole family the best of luck in moving, weaning, and conceiving!
    Happy Passover!

  27. I night weaned my youngest first. I slept in the guestroom (he was cosleeping at the time) and let my dh deal with it. The first night was the hardest, but once he realized mama wasn’t there, he rolled over and went back to sleep. After a week, he was sleeping through the night. He is 2.5 and still nursing during the day, but only twice. I think if I pushed it, I could explain it to him and distract him and completely wean him, but he is my last baby and we are still enjoying the nursing relationship – mostly because it is still sweet and not a power struggle. Keep her active, busy and tired. That may help. Introduce a lovey that she can snuggle with.
    Good luck. Nursing is a relationship between two people. It has to be working for both of you to be a good relationship.

  28. I night weaned my youngest first. I slept in the guestroom (he was cosleeping at the time) and let my dh deal with it. The first night was the hardest, but once he realized mama wasn’t there, he rolled over and went back to sleep. After a week, he was sleeping through the night. He is 2.5 and still nursing during the day, but only twice. I think if I pushed it, I could explain it to him and distract him and completely wean him, but he is my last baby and we are still enjoying the nursing relationship – mostly because it is still sweet and not a power struggle. Keep her active, busy and tired. That may help. Introduce a lovey that she can snuggle with.
    Good luck. Nursing is a relationship between two people. It has to be working for both of you to be a good relationship.

  29. Just think of it this way – once you wean the little one, the end result will be double the love, and way more nursing to do with the newbie!
    *hugs*
    -K

  30. I get exactly what you are saying about the pressure to keep the house perfect while you are showing it. It drove me nuts when I had to do it; I like clutter.
    As for the weaning, sometimes when you cut the feedings down your supply goes down and they lose interest. Hopefully, it goes smoothly for you both.
    You have so much stress right now–hang in there.

  31. Oh gosh, as a fellow clutter-bug I really feel for you. Best of luck!

  32. Cara-
    You have already gotten some great advice, but I just wanted to add my 2 cents for sympathy. I had to wean my daughter at 10 1/2 months so that I could take a medication that wasn’t compatible with nursing. I was really sad, but it didn’t turn out to be as difficult as I expected. She is now a healthy, happy almost 14 year old(!), so it all worked out ;o)
    Hang in there and best of luck with selling your house quickly!

  33. Great sympathy for the weaning thing. I bfed my son to about 13 months and my daughter to 17 months. Stopping with Adam was fairly straightforward as he’d had the odd bottle of formula from about 6 months, and by then he could have cow’s milk. With Ruth it was a lot harder, but the unexpected benefit was that when she sat on my lap for a cuddle, it was the cuddle she wanted, not the milk, which was so rewarding.
    I guess I’m trying to say that there are more and different good things to come. Yes, it’s sad to lose that particular bond, but it’s not the end of your relationship with her.

  34. I love those pictures – too cute! What a hard decision to have to make – I know I would be having a hard time as well. I know I’ll be sad when mine wants to wean, and it would be very difficult to have to – but you have such a great reason to! Looking forward to meeting baby #2! 🙂 Good luck with keeping the house clean – that’s one main reason why I dread having to move sometime soon as well.

  35. You have so many life changes coming at you at one time. Do what’s best for you and Meli in the moment, at this hour and don’t look to much into the future. Things will unfold for you both in a good way. XOXO

  36. Moving sucks any way you look at it. But, that being said, several friends have had really good luck lately . . . I’m passing theirs on to you. And weening gets easier. The first two are the hardest and absolutely gut wrenching the first day. But, you can do it especially if you are doing it for medical/fertility purposes. At a year, I was more than ready to ween the girls (felt like a dairy) and they were more than happy to spend that time playing with each other.

  37. I have been wondering about you, so I am so glad you posted. There is definitely too much going on in your world – similar to when I got married, moved from FL to MI, got a job, found out I was pregnant, bought a house (moved again) gave birth and celebrated my 1st anniversary. What a year it was! Totally stressful too – and you will survive this – except maybe the neat and tidy house thing – I can’t do that either.
    I feel for you with the nursing – with my daughter we were both ready and my son quit at 8 months long before I was ready. It was so hard, so all I can say is my thoughts are with you.
    The mom’s knitting group sounds fun though – don’t think it is so crazy. You will find other mom’s with little ones who are looking for the same support you are and life will be ducky.
    Take care.

  38. Big hugs to you. So many stressful things happening at once! Weaning is hard, especially when you don’t feel ready, but you’ll get through it, I promise. You are not short-changing her in ANY way, and giving her a sibling would be a fabulous thing. Be kind to yourself!

  39. Moving & weaning & selling all at once? STRESS! Hang in there, it will be OK. And I know you’ll find knitting mom friends. It’ll work out.
    ps thanks again again again for your support in that contest, MWAH! I have some details to send today and then is is all up to the judges .

  40. I remember weaning…it’s hard and a little bit sad and you’re so afraid that you won’t be as close to your little one again. But you’re a good mom who loves her baby, so the close doesn’t stop it just changes.

  41. I day weaned my son at about 13 months. There was so much going on (toddling) and so many other food choices it wasn’t too stressful. I didn’t night wean until a few months later. We both liked that quiet time together but gradually gave it up as he was (FINALLY) ready to sleep through the night. You’re not giving something up; you’re moving on to the next new wonderful stage.

  42. You’re giving up the nursing now in order to give your daughter one of the best gifts you could ever give her – a brother or sister. I think in the long run that’s not a bad trade off…

  43. I think you have a good plan, Cara. As long as you’re still co-sleeping, the night weaning will be a struggle. When Meli is ready to sleep in her own bed, then she probably won’t nurse as much at night (this is what happened with all 4 of mine.)
    Here’s a tip you might like to use whenever you’re ready to transition Miss Meli into her own bed: When my oldest was 14 months, we moved into our 1st house. We were still co-sleeping, but about a month before the move, we moved his crib into the bedroom with us so that he got used to sleeping in it, but still have Mom and Dad near by. Then when we moved, the crib went into his new bedroom across the hall. Since he was used to the crib, no problems transitioning into his own room, which allowed us to be ready when the new baby came into the house.
    Good luck with the sale and the move!

  44. Selling a house and moving are the most stressful things. Even if it happens perfectly, it’s still very trying. Take care of yourself!
    Oh, and in regards to the weaning issue, I’m sure you’ll get at least a few “you’re not doing it right” opinions. You’ll end up doing whatever works best for all of you. Just remember, women and babies have been going through this for millenia! You’ll figure out the best way.

  45. I know just how you feel. I weaned my firstborn before either of us was ready (15 months maybe?) for complicated reasons that are not relevant here. It was sad, he didn’t like it, but it was me that was truly broken hearted. He got over it and moved on, I felt longing, guilt and sadness for the necessity of it. But parenting is full of that! Truly. Nursing is so wonderful isn’t it. But these babies of ours do grow and they do wean, one way or another. Good luck!

  46. Every time you let go of one special thing there’s something new just around the corner. It’s hard to watch your baby grow up…but there’s a special little girl…then a special big girl…and someday a special friend around the corner. Embrace it all. My baby is turning 4! I can’t believe there are no more babies in my house…but I’m LOVING the little people in my life. The each have such special personalities.

  47. Hi Cara I am so glad you posted. It is great to hear from you. Good luck with the move and weaning. It is hard, isn’t it? I was really sad with my second, who NEVER took a bottle. She was about 15 months, and I too did the night time last. I will say, though, that it was much harder for me than it was for her, and was easier than I thought it would be. I am sure whatever you do will be fine. My pediatrician rarely gave advice and always says follow your instincts as a mother, and he was right.

  48. Big hugs all around. You’ve received enough advice already!! In the long term…it all works out in the end.

  49. I remember weaning, and for one of my children, I even remember the official *last* time–it really is a sad thing, no doubt about it. You need to be gentle with yourself.

  50. Hey, can you email me a link to your MLS listing? I might know someone interested . . .

  51. Take care of yourself and do what is right for you and your family!
    love reading about all the great news – wonder where you are moving? is it up the Hudson by any chance? we have a group that meets monthly in our village library and some of us meet weekly. would love to have you join us!

  52. Hm, interesting. I am not a mom, but I was a baby. To inject a wee bit of levity – I don’t remember nursing at all, or not being able to, and I still love my mommy! Actually, she had to go back to work, and I to daycare, so I guess I got formula. I think it tore my mom up some once or twice, but 20+ years later and Meli won’t remember, though you will. I’m sorry you’re having a hard emotional time though!

  53. You can only do what is right for you and your family. I’m sorry that you are stuggling with it though.
    Good luck with everything. I am in the beginning of my first IVF cycle myself, so I’m hopeful to have good luck like you did!

  54. What you said about having to have your place ready for company even though you don’t think people will really be coming to see it reminds me of what I’m going through now (which is something you’ve already gone through). That is: giving up most medicine and all drinking and avoiding all the foods that pregnant women are supposed to avoid because we’re trying to get pregnant. So I’m not pregnant, but might be, so I have to fight my migraines with nothing by Tylenol.
    Hopefully that actually made sense–I have a migraine now and am not sure how coherent I’m being. But yeah, your apartment and my bloodstream both have to be clean just in case someone shows up.
    I’m messy myself and I’ve been worried that once a kid comes, I’ll have to be super neat to keep the kiddie from picking up everything and drooling on it. I’m relieved to hear that you’re able to continue practicing your natural messiness.
    Good luck with the babymaking!

  55. i nursed my son till 17 months and my daughter – who is nearly three and a HALF – is still not weaned. what i learned: it is much easier to wean before 18 months. they get a lot smarter and don’t forget things. go for it. it is terribly bittersweet, but also, once done, WAY WAY liberating. distractions with really tempting snacks are the way to go for sure- a little tv never hurt either. and being really UP! and fun! and don’t get into those old familiar positions at regular nursing times.night-time? i got nothing – i did the whole ferber thing with both my kids b/c i just couldn’t stand being so tired. so they were night weaned very early (6-8 months). that’s gonna be your hell, tho, i suspect. very hard to hold your ground at 3 am. i feel for you. and i have a guess as to your town – which for some reason i guessed immedialtely upon your original post – i don’t know how or why. but based on what you said above, i’m guessing a town with 2 words and 9 letters. which is where we are looking. if we both end up there, let’s KNIT!!!!!!!

  56. Be cautious when trying to get pregnant again. I am of the opinion that even though a woman has trouble conceiving the first time, once pregnant, the body kicks in and ‘remembers’ what it’s supposed to do. I have friends who had no trouble at all the second time, hence some were not planned. And I think this is what happened to Kate from the show Jon & Kate Plu 8.
    Good luck to you! I myself have been trying to conceive for over three years now. I’m hoping this will be the year it happens. 🙂

  57. Hey, it’s your body and your baby! Do what makes sense for your family 🙂

  58. Goodness me, you have a lot going on right now! I am sending my absolute best wishes your way, C!

  59. I’m sure you’ve heard that you can breastfeed while pregnant as long as there are no issues like having contractions, have you tried getting pregnant without taking the hormones? I read what you went through to have your baby, and my own mother went through similar trials to get pregnant but after doing all that to have her first baby the next two children she had without any extra help. My aunt had her first two via IVF and #3 was a surprise natural pregnancy. Good luck, I hope the best for you and you have this breastfeeding mother’s support for whatever nursing decision you make – you are ultimately doing what is best for you and your family and there is no exact age at which to wean but it is such a touchy subject with an opinion from every side! Keep above the negative!

  60. Being 32 weeks pregnant with our first after IVF, I have wondered what we’ll do when it comes to ttc again and breastfeeding. Of course there’s a few steps between now and then :). We have 5 frozen embryos and most likely by the time we’re ready to start ttc I’ll be 39 or 40. My heart goes out to you that circumstances aren’t different and that you have to face weaning earlier than you would like to.
    FYI, to Annette re: John & Kate, both of Kate’s pregnancies involved fertility meds. It’s really, really rare to have higher order multiples like that without fertility meds. Hope this year brings good news to you!

  61. The Knitting Realtor here…practice the ten minute drill…the first time people come in your house, they usually don’t look under your beds…practice sweeping all clutter under the beds/couches(note the fun Meli can have retrieving whatever it is you’ve swept there…it will make her giggle!)…they don’t usually look in either the dishwasher or the washing machine-they are other excellent quick hide places…
    Now if someone decides to come back a second time to look…then it’s time to really go nutz with the neatening! Then they do look in the dishwasher!
    Have a heat pump? Change the filter…a dirty filter is a sign of a badly maintained home…
    This might be the time to consider having a cleaning service come in…either for weekly cleaning (so all you have to worry about is the daily clutter) OR at the very least for a one time deep cleaning so your house will sparkle!
    I am hearing of market pick up in most of the country…fingers crossed for you!

  62. wow…i missed something! Where are you guys moving to? Leaving NJ? Do tell. Good luck with the nursing/weaning decision. I know it’s tough but it’s tougher to try to nurse two at a time. Can you imagine!??!!?!?

  63. Both my kids decided they were done at about a year old. It may make it easier on you (and won’t hurt Meli) if you transition into another nurturing habit — reading to her and singing to her. Especially at nap time and before bed, you create closeness and a routine. We’re long past those days now, but they’re precious.

  64. I weaned my kids (boy at 3, girl at 2), they didn’t wean themselves. And it wasn’t heart wrenching for them (me? another story – I still sometimes long for my milk to let down!). My LLL sister-in-law gave me good advice and that was to stick to the decision to wean and not give in. It’s really, really hard to do that, but I think you do your kid a favor by not being wishy washy. Even if the kid is really angry for a day, you show them extra double love, work extra hard at distraction, and they will be fine.
    I know this is a touchy subject! You have to do what’s best for you and the family. Whatever works, you know?

  65. I understand your sadness about weaning. I have a bit of a lump in my throat thinking about it…and my youngest baby will be 27 tomorrow! You hit the nail on the head when you said nursing is a way of life. I don’t think it is for all nursing mothers but it is for some and it is hard to see it end.
    That said, you all will be just fine. It’s hard but you will be fine.

  66. I understand where you’re coming from. When we sold our house, I felt, naked, exposed, scrutinized, you name it. It was on the market for only two weeks and it seemed like forever. Hang in there. And about the weaning, take it as slowly as you want to. You can do it. 😉

  67. Good luck to you especially with all these changes going on!
    I’m not sure I’ll have anything great to add that wasn’t said already. My breastfeeding sessions ended at three months with my second child and I took it kinda hard. I loved breastfeeding my first child too and because I was laid off from work at that time I was able to nurse him for 9 months and then pumped. I pumped at work for my daughter but missed the closeness. We eventually went the way of formula but it got better emotionally for me. It wasn’t hard for her because I went back to work outside the home. It’s hard at first but it will ease over time. (((HUGS)))

  68. PICAdrienne says:

    Honey, you are a parent, and as a parent you have to make the tough decisions that you believe to be for the best for you and Meli. No one else can do it, and no one else has to do it. Anyone who wants to step in and change your decision doesn’t have a right to, ok, except G.

  69. Changes are always hard, even when they may be for good reason. I am going through something similar at the other end of the spectrum, having just helped my son move 800 miles away. It is for good reasons, but it is ever so bittersweet. The goal in raising him was to make him self-sufficient, but now that he is it is sooo hard. And moving on top of the weaning adds another stress for you. You’ll do fine with all of it, but consider yourself supported from this corner.

  70. I was in almost the same boat a couple of years ago, boy still nursing & nowhere near ready to wean, my clock running out & wanting to get pregnant one more time– I used soy isoflavones to give my hormones a boost & regulate my cycle & had my baby girl at 41 & continued nursing through ttc & her pregnancy. Good luck!!! (info on soy isoflavones is all over the net)

  71. I know that deciding to wean Meli is a huge decision, but best wishes on giving her a sibling! I hope it (and moving)goes easier than you expect. I may die of the cuteness if your second is as sweet as your first.

  72. K weaver says:

    Oh what a tough choice! Just hang in there, you CAN do it! Just keep you eye on the prizes! 🙂

  73. I had to wean my daughter because I was pregnant with my son and it HURT TOO (@$!%(*& much! With my son, I had to leave town for a few days or I’d still be nursing the boy! (He’s seven. I cut him off at 15 months.) Meli will probably handle it more smoothly than you-I know mine did! Hang in there. Everything will work out.

  74. Good luck with the weaning and the new baby efforts.

  75. Oh, Cara, that’s so hard. Nursing is such a special thing and I can totally understand both the need to wean and the emotions around it. I can say that night-weaning for us went so much easier than I expected. We co-slept (which I think you do as well), and when I was ready to night-wean, I simply moved my son (I have twins but was only able to nurse one of them) out of our bed. Boy was I shocked when he started sleeping through the night almost immediately. It turned out that he didn’t realize he wanted the boob when the boob wasn’t 5 inches from his face all night!
    Anyway, I wish you the best with it. And with the house too! That’s stressful! (I’m naturally messy as well).

  76. Hey Cara!
    No comments from me on weaning… I was not sad to say good-bye to my pump (or vice versa, I’m sure). A little guilty, maybe, but not sad.
    But the house thing… I so totally hear ya. Staging my house drove me NUTS (love the clutter!). But, in some ways it was pretty liberating, too. I got into some good habits for those few weeks – washing dishes right after using them, putting my pajamas away instead of on the end of the bed, keeping all of Raley’s toys neat, etc. It was kind of awesome to come home to a neat house. FYI, none of that has translated to the new house, and I’m back in clutter heaven… or I will be if we (ever) get these boxes unpacked. Good luck with that – it’s such fun having a little helper (NOT)!
    Glad to hear from you, though, and know that we’re thinking about you and wishing you and G and M good house-selling vibes!!!
    (I didn’t think anyone would want to buy our house, either, but we got an offer pretty quickly, so you never know!)
    Love,
    S&R

  77. Big hugs to you!! Everything will work out. It’s an adventure!

  78. it’s always something when you have a child. it’s just that the something always changes.

  79. Lots of ((((HUGS)))) for you with everything going on in your life!
    Blessings!

  80. rosesmama says:

    The girl self weaned at 4 1/2, so my personal advice is brief: we night weaned, because I had a job to go to in the morning and was a zombie, by saying that she couldn’t nurse again until it was light out. After 3 nights, she was sleeping through the night. But I was not conflicted about this, because I really had to get some sleep so I could function and make enough money to feed us and pay our mortgage. Being sure of what needs to be done is essential, as your child will pick up our ambivalence in a heartbeat.
    A great help otherwise is the Nursing Mother’s Guide to Weaning (I think that is the name). The author clearly believes in nursing and extended nursing, but also gives very clear directions and suggestions for different reasons and different ages of weaning in a very compassionate way. I always recommend this one to moms who are have difficulties weaning (I’m a nurse as well as a breast feeder).
    I’m the worlds worst slob and had to move out of my house in order to sell it, so I can only imagine what it is like to try to live in and keep neat the same space. Good luck.

  81. Have you ever looked at Flylady.net? There’s a lot of good advice there about handling clutter and staying “company ready.” She’s really aimed at people trying to change permanently, but you might find hints that will help!
    Good luck with weaning. I’m not a mother, have no advice, but I really enjoy reading about your experiences and living through them vicariously.