Knit Olympics? What’s that? We’re talking Team Ikea here. And trust me when I say this is KILLING me. There was cursing. There were tears. And yes, there was even a bit of blood. But I was cruising on this damn sideboard and I could see the home stretch. I had the room all Martha Stewarted out in my mind when it all came down on me in a crushing, soul-sucking moment of misplaced wood.
I’d like to say I’m an expert Ikea builder. At this moment, I have no less than 32 pieces of furniture in my apartment from Ikea – all built almost exclusively by me. Fourteen of those are Billy bookcases, which I can build with my eyes closed. I’m not taking into account the gazillions of pieces of furniture we’ve since thrown out, other pieces I’ve built at my sister’s house, pieces I’ve built for friends. If you want something built from Ikea, you call me.
So yesterday, as I set out to build my gorgeous new yarn cabinet, I did what I always do. First, I spread out all the pieces.
4:07 PM EST
Then, I put together all the nuts and bolts and weird Ikea thingamajiggys that don’t look like they’d hold anything together but somehow they do.
4:31 PM EST
Then I go through the directions at least once to see if there’s anything I haven’t already seen before, and get to work. The worst part of Ikea directions is figuring out which side things go on – there are always so many freaking holes in everything and you really have to pay attention. PAY ATTENTION. Get it? Anyway, I started building around 4:45 and I was cruising along – things were going pretty well. There was a moment or two and some chipped particle board when I tried to get the top of the thing onto the rest of the structure. I think I can safely say the top weighs almost as much as I do and it’s almost as tall as me so trying to get all those wood freaking pegs into the holes while matching up the silver doohickeys almost killed me. I say almost because goddamnit, I did it. All by myself.
7:58 PM EST – Ignorance is bliss!
Once the base structure was up, I took a little break and put the new lamp on top and stood back to admire my work. It was going to be great! And I still might have time to build the nine freaking drawers before G got home. No way was I going to have time to fill it, but that’s okay. He’d get the idea.
I started with a little drawer and the first part went well. I finished the first three and then went to attach the runner track that lets the drawer move in and out smoothly. This is a fairly new Ikea innovation. In the old days you just had these clip things – the drawers stuck a lot. The new way is better, but jeezus it was hard to get those little screws screwed in. I had all my tools around me and alas, I don’t think I had the perfect freaking philips head – even though I had about seven philips head screwdrivers in front of me. At this point, my hands are a mess. My palms are killing me – both of them – from screwing in four thousand screws and my back is aching from sitting hunched over on the floor. At least I stopped sweating from when I was trying to get the two-ton top on the structure. Anyway, I was tired and hungry and I slipped with the screwdriver and managed to screw my thumb instead of the screw. Fucker bled a lot too. In the end, it’s a pretty superficial wound, and I managed to stop the bleeding and get on with my work. Once you start an Ikea piece of furniture, you don’t stop for anything. Well, almost anything.
So I’m getting the drawers down good now. I’m doing all the tops first, then attaching the drawer part and in between I’m attaching the runners, because that’s the hard part with the little screw and the wrong size screwdriver and the bum thumb. Every time I finish a drawer I put it in to see how nice it’s goes in and out. This is when I find out that I’ve attached some of the tracks on the base structure incorrectly. Upside down or the left one on the right and so forth but it’s easily fixed. So I fix it.
Here’s where the agony part comes in. I finish one of the two drawers in the middle and go to put it in. But it’s not going in at all. I figure, okay, time to switch out the track on the body. Check it out. DISASTER. I realize that I’ve made a blunder of such colassal proportions I want to kill myself ON THE SPOT. I want to take one of those ill-fitting philips heads and hammer it through my heart. I want to lay on the floor and PULL OVER the four thousand pound gorilla ON TOP of my body and martyr myself to the Ikea gods.
The tracks weren’t on wrong. THE FUCKING PIECE OF WOOD IS ON WRONG. This is the middle piece of wood holding the whole damn thing together. Possibly the first piece I attached. In order for me to fix this, I would have to TAKE APART THE ENTIRE PIECE OF FURNITURE. Everything connects to this piece of wood. And it’s not freaking particleboard either, or maybe it is, but I tried to make a new hole so I could attach the track in the right direction and I couldn’t get through the piece of wood. At this point I’m so desperately sad I make myself something to eat. And I’m not a tension eater. It’s about 10:30.
Around this time, G calls. He’s on his way home and he can hear that I’m upset but this whole thing was a surprise for him and I’m not going to ruin the last remaining joy in the project just so I can bitch. They’ll be time enough for that when he gets home. I fuck with it a bit more, then he does get home and I proceed to burst into tears immediately. He absolutely LOVES the piece and he’s so upset for me because he knows how these Ikea things are being that he can’t read the directions for shit and usually willingly succumbs to my “so-called” expertise. He gets out the drill (which, admittedly, I don’t know how to work) and we try to drill the hole I’ve made deeper. It sort of works, but it’s all wonky and when you put the drawer in it’s very lopsided. Doesn’t work for me. I cry harder. I’ve now spent a solid seven hours on this thing – and I’m fucked. In order to fix it RIGHT, I will have to take apart the entire thing and start over. It’s doable. It really is. BUT oh my god. G thinks that we can use glue to attach the track. Some super duper gorilla glue that works on wood and metal and it won’t be that big of a deal – because it’s not like we’ll be opening the drawers all the time. We can be delicate. What do you think. Will that work?
Colassal Blunder!
Please tell me it will work. The thought of taking this thing apart and put
ting it back together makes me very, very sad.
The morning after.
And to make matters worse, I moved all the crap from one side of the bedroom to other so I could build this thing and in the process my Olympic knitting – yes – it’s still here – I knit three rounds the other day – somehow got tangled up and I spent the next 45 minutes untangling a ball of navy blue yarn at 12:30 AM. And this morning my hands are swollen and killing me and my wrists hurt and my arms hurt. I’m here to tell you – there’s LOTS of crying in the Olympics.
ETA: Now my picture host is off line. So you can’t even see my pain and misery. Fuck it. I’m going back to bed.
Step away from the knitting and furniture. Take a breather for a day. Then figure out what you’ll do. I wouldn’t recommend glueing the track – I don’t think it’ll hold long term.
Hug..
Cara,
Step back, rest, take it apart. Start over. You’ll be happier.
Call a friend to assist you, it’ll be easier that way.
As much as I’d be tempted to use a glue-and-drill combo method to fix this (and Cara, you must get yourself a cordless screwdriver, at the very, very least), I think I would quickly reason that spending a few hours dismantling (as little as possible) in order to correct the mistake would be SO worth it in the long run. You do not want wonky drawers, whether they’re used often or not. Wish I could come over and help you. ; )
I’m jumping on the bandwagon – take it apart and start over. Yes, it will be time consuming and frustrating but much better in the long run. You don’t want the wonky delicate drawers hauntung you.
My hands hurt just reading about Ikea furniture. If it’s just one drawer that’s funky I say go with the gorilla glue. It should hold.
From one who has built LOTS of Ikea pieces, invest in a cordless drill — the kind that comes with the all the different screw and hex bits. Ikea build-it-yourself is a breeze with the right power tools!
Aw, FUCK. That’s all I can say about that.
Sending you a big HUG! *steps back a foot to avoid getting whacked* but I also say take it apart *ducks*………. just think it will be worth it in the end and you won’t have to curse it every time you go to get more yarn!
I hate to say it, but I think you’d be much happier in the long run if you take it apart and start over. But before you do, go get yourself a cordless screwdriver. If you have put together that much IKEA furniture, it’ll be well worth it. I hope things are looking up after some sleep!
I’m also jumping on the “take it apart” group. Like knitting, you would frog it if you discovered a huge mistake way back. Leaving it as is may be bad karma for the knitting to be held in it! 🙂
Okay, I’m not on the take it apart bandwagon! I’m on the “glue it” bandwagon. I say go for it. This isn’t a knitted garment that expresses you and your handiwork, it’s a piece of Ikea furniture. Get some wood/metal epoxy at the hardware store and give it a try. And if it doesn’t hold long term, glue it again in five years.
But I’m lazy, so remember that when listening to my advice.
Its worse than I thought.
hands Cara a nice cold brewski….
I know you didn’t ask for our input, but I’d have to vote for the take-it-apart-and-fix-it-right approach…….Yikes. I’m forbidden to go to IKEA after our last debacle……(and, yes, I AM the builder in our family, too.)
Oh, you poor thing! As much as it sucks, I say take it apart. Just imagine … you jerry-rig the whole thing and it works well enough until one day the glue gives out and as you pull out the drawer, you realize that you see something tangled in the various IKEA thing-a-ma-jiggy mechanisms. What is it, you ask? Not one, not two, but three skeins of beautiful yarn (perhaps Socks that Rock?), now damaged. Yeah, it will be a big PITA, but I say buy that cordless screwdriver and reassemble! (I *heart* my cordless Ryobi — one of the best gifts my dad ever got me. And he built a house all by himself, so I trust his taste in tools!)
Okay, I’m hating to say it, but yup – start over. You really will be happier in the long run, and I don’t think the glue will hold long term.
But before you take it apart – GO GET AN ELECTRIC SCREWDRIVER. Please. My hands hurt just thinking about your hands.
What everybody else said. When you’re ready, though.
Oh good grief! Take lots of deep breaths and stay away for a while. You’re an IKEA genius, so you can solve this problem, but later. Mwah!
Wow, I feel like going into my bedroom and pulling a Magicker over on myself in sympathy.
There is some damn amazing glue out there that make that part of your cabinet stronger than any other part…
OMG. I’m so sorry. I’m also the one who builds all of the furniture so I soooo feel your pain. I hope there’s some clarity this morning after all of that and you find an easy solution.
Why is assembling Ikea furniture like knitting? Because if you make a mistake you can take it apart and fix it! Be greatful that you get a chance to make it perfect. If you were doing brain surgery and you goofed, you would be in big trouble.
Looking forward to the picture of it all assembled and filled with yarn.
i am so sorry for what you are going through. i can relate. what holds the track in the hole? perhaps just a bigger screw to accomodate the bigger hole? or else take it appart. and start over.
Oh dear, I’m another one on the take it apart bandwagon, but not yet, when you feel ready.I have never met an IKEA flat pack ( we don’t have one over here) but if they are anything like B&Q I sympathise. Does someone do a degree in putting these things together?
If I could, I would come over (with the handy husband in tow)and help you fix that darn thing. Yarn storage is of utmost importance. Hope it goes so much better today.
I would love to say screw it and glue it, but I’m joining the majority for a rebuild on this one. I am also chiming in with the rest for going out and getting a cordless screwdriver – those are a must!
oh fuck it- buy a basket that fits in place of the drawer slot and call it quits!
LOL!
I think a rebuild might be in order. You just won’t be happy in the long run, and after all the time and agony and bloodshed, you should be happy.
I am keeping good IKEA-building thoughts flowing your way!!
Beware the drills. I assigned a friend to assemble the cheap IKEA table I bought to extend our dining room table at Thanksgiving, and neglected to supervise her, and she drilled THROUGH the tabletop and INTO our new hardwood floors. I couldn’t even cry because I was trying to be a nice hostess.
I fear I’m in the “take it apart and redo it” school. It will annoy you every time you use it otherwise.
Did you see YarnHarlot’s recent IKEA woes? Maybe they will cheer you up. Misery loves company.
http://www.yarnharlot.ca/blog/archives/2006/01/30/drywall_has_no_healthcare_plan.html
Shit…DAMN…FUCK!!! I hate when that happens and my hands can feel how sore your hands are, too. You could just glue that one drawer shut and never use it…who would know?
I’m all for the electric drill; glue won’t work in that situation. I’ve assembled over a ton of IKEA furniture, literally (the delivery guys rode these massive hand truck things down our steep driveway, yodeling — it was quite an experience!), and the pieces definitely have only a few assemblies in them. It’s like splitty yarn, you know?
One of the flat packs had a nest of baby scorpions, alive, in it (this was Texas). They were about the size of a small jumping spider and I gave DD $20 for spotting them and taking care of the problem…
Do you have any Traumeel cream for your hands?
IKEA is a cruel mistress, that’s for sure.
Persevere. You can beat this thing!
I called the expert (the husband is a construction superintendent and an expert on Gorilla glue). He says it won’t hold up over time. According to him (and I’m just reciting here – I really don’t know what it all means), the Gorilla glue will stick to the particle board but the particle board isn’t structurally sound enough to support the weight over time. It will delaminate and won’t stand up to the use of the drawer. Does that make any sense? I’m so sorry, but I think you’ll probably be happier in the long run (definitely not right now) if you take it appart. Use the drill to screw in the screws – you’ll save your hands.
Having put together oodles of IKEA furniture (living near two of the damn stores helps for that), my hands hurt for you. I’ve done something similar and it usually is that stupid early step that you just can’t figure out the orientation from the stick figure instructions. I’ve dismantled a great number to fix that one screw up but yet I’ve gone the drill route myself. Definitely get a cordless screwdriver!
You should have been chez Subway Knitter when I was putting together my bookcase in December. This *had* to be put together before you-know-who walked in the door, or we would still be arguing about assembly instructions….
Even though I spent oodles of time laying out the pieces and studying the instructions, I still managed to make a mistake in putting together a fundamental piece early on. Luckily I caught my mistake early.
A word of advice for you: power drill with screwdriver bit.
Um, yeah, make more room on the bandwagon, because . . . since it’s not just one drawer you’re talking about here, and you don’t want to think “misery” every time you see this gorgeous piece . . . um . . . yeah. Take it apart and do it right. But before you do–yes, amen, hallelujah sister–get a motorized screwdriver at the very least! I wouldn’t do an Ikea project of this size without it!
Kevin always screws up that shit you have to put together. Sigh. Good luck!
HOWWWWWWWWWL! The misery of it all! If it makes you feel any better, you told this story so well that I was totally mesmerized.
I’m with MARGENE on this one!
And a basket sure would look pretty … If you still needed the storage space, you could find a basket that fits perfectly and tack some wood on as a base (sort-of like a track, but so the basket could rest on it) and it would still slide in and out.
But get an electric screwdriver. Powertools are a grrl’s best friend sometimes …
OUCH! I feel for you – I am afraid that I am the type that only reads the directions when all else feels, so I can only imagine the trouble I would get into assembling this wonderful (it will be some day) piece of storage! You did make me chuckle though!
Take an aspirin, go back to bed, cover it with a sheet for a day, and then tackle it again with the help of G.
Hey it’s like knitting. Go back and fixed that mistake. If not, you’ll see it forever!!! Ribbit?
Here is what I know about myself – if I didn’t take it apart and do it right, everytime I looked at it with a slightly wonky drawer – I would be pissed.
Don’t put artificial deadlines on yourself. So what if the yarn cabinet isn’t done by now.
1. Take a break
2. Get into the 21st century and buy yourself a cordless screwdriver with an extra battery
3. Charge up both batteries
4. Take your time, take it apart and put it together correctly. With a cordless screwdriver it will be a breeze the second time around.
5. Don’t sweat the small stuff. And a yarn cabinet that takes two attempts to put together is small stuff. It’s gonna look great.
I’m getting familiar twinges of sympathy/pain here for you. From ikea experiences…and knitting…I think the ikea piece will benefit from going over to the frog pond. Whenever you’re ready. I’m sure we’ve ALL been there, either in ikea or knitting. It’ll be beautiful when it’s done.
That SUCKS! Stupid Ikea furniture – it’s bitten me in the butt, too, and I am now forbidden to put things together on my own because of that ONE mistake.
Gorilla glue will probably work for a time, but it might actually be too strong (it does indeed glue steel to wood, we use it in the scene shop sometimes). If you go that route, be sure to wear old clothes and gloves, as it will stain skin and fibers dark brown – ask me how I know! Your best bet, and what will make you feel better inside every time you look at it, is probably to take it apart and redo it properly. Just like knitting. Walk away, take a break, and then tink back to the mistake and fix it.
I must second the excellent advice of Stephanie’s hubby. The laminate on the wood is going to interfere with proper adhesion of the glue. You must disassemble and rebuild. 🙁
Just think though…when all is said and done, you’ll have a lovely piece of furniture, and you will not have to worry about glue breaking down, drawers not working, and potential yarn damage. Hang in there, and I hope your poor hands feel better.
Oh, how horrible! I say burn the thing and start over.
That sucks eggs!!
But your last line of your post made me laugh out loud. (I’m sorry, that’s not very nice of me!) I had this image of you in the “Kiss and Cry” with your instructions in Swedish and your screwdriver. 🙂
For sure, take many deep breaths and shots of vodka before starting over. Just kidding about the vodka.
If I ever divorce Hubby I`m keeping possesion of the cordless screwdriver in the settlement. Nuf said?
My vote is to take it apart. Call your first efforts swatching. You`ll go much faster the second time round and it will fit. One bodge leads to another…you`ll have to drill another billion holes to make the last bit fit. You know you will.
Val.
Hey, I’ve built that one. I recommend trying it at 10 PM at night whilst high on caffine.
http://itisrocketscience.typepad.com/knitting/2005/11/and_once_again_.html
I wonder if the hubby would notice if I stored yarn instead of plates in there?
Having an entire living room of IKEA furniture made without benefit of an electric screwdriver, I feel your pain. But take it apart and start over. My experience with glue is that the only thing it sticks to and holds on a regular basis is my fingers.
And it will go *much* faster the second time around, because you will remember what you did the first time, and because you will not take it completely apart, but only the parts that you absolutely must touch in order to fix the little snafu. You can do eeet!
oh baby, don’t let those swedes put you down! you can do it, you know you can! even if you have to take it all apart again. also, didn’t you say your olympic knitting project was too easy? now you have raised the bar!
What Carole said. Sorry. I think you’ll feel better about the furniture in the long run.
I totally hate when I do shit like that. I’m so sorry!
Oh Cara, you poor thing. It can be done without taking it apart! The slider thing has tons of other holes. Patch up your drill hole and attach the slider using another hole. Maybe that’s what they’re there for, the mistakes. Come on, chin up, hon.
{{{{{hug}}}}}
I love Ikea furniture, but I love the fact that my husband puts it all together for me even more. *lol*
Oh My! So, okay..now you are frogging furniture..bummer.
Honey, take some elderberry syrup and call me in the morning.
My favorite idea is to glue the drawer front on and just act like it’s not supposed to be a drawer. I like that idea so much. Sure, you won’t be able to put yarn in it, but you’ll have fixed the sumbitch but good. xoxo Kay
You are suffering from post-Ikea Stress Syndrome. It passes when the damned thing is finally put together, and yes I’m sure your fix will work. Well, I fervently hope so, anyhow.
What I would do (besides curse) is try the drill thing again, because it’s weird that it can’d drill through the wood, or glue the damn drawer faces to the furniture and consider those drawers gone. Because I would not have the heart to take it apart.
your hands, your hands! sending sympathy waves, and a virtual version of my woodworker sister (sans broken foot) for the next round.
Oh, C. It looks so sad – yet you can see its potential as a fabulous yarn cabinet. Give it a few days. I was going to suggest glue until I read one of the other posts which mentioned that the particle board might not hold up to the glue over time. Sigh. So I go with Kay’s idea of gluing the whole drawer shut. 🙂 But I know you and know you will take it apart and do it right. Be careful with the hands, though – you ARE in the Olympics, remember??
mwah! xoxo, jen
Cara I agree with Carmen. Take a day, get a friend, take it apart and start over. Glue won’t work well enough for a perfectionist like you to be happy. It’ll haunt you to no end if you don’t “do it right”. I can tell.
It’s a beauty though.
I totally feel your pain – I’m alway the one my friends call to “build” their funiture & inevitably I alway put something on backwards & have to take it all apart. I hate to break it to you but…if you fudge it and it sucks you will be unhappy with the whole sideboard forever. So you might as well just suck it up & do take it apart & put right. You’ll be happier with the piece in the long run. Oh & I highly recomend a cordless screwdriver of some sort – it wil make the whole process much less painful!
Second post on the subject – a confession. I shared the query with my dh last night and he reminded me that there is no way I would ever, ever glue the rail on. He’s right! I succumb to the perfectionist bug each and every time I build Ikea furniture. That said, I gotta go with the start over crowd.
Oh you poor thing. I’ve done something like that with Ikea, but not with such a large piece of furniture.
I haven’t even read the post yet…but I’m noticing that the photos reveal what seems to be a POST IKEA moment!…awww how I don’t miss those days:o)