Meli and I were out for an hour and a half today – on a WALK! I can’t tell you the last time we took a walk – something we were doing just about every day for the first six months or so of her life. And here she is FOUR WEEKS from her FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!! (Sorry for the caps – but MAN! MY BABY is going to be ONE!)
It was overcast and probably not as warm as I pretended it was but we were outside and I feel like a new person! In the past, when she was a wee one, I sometimes had trouble on walks because she couldn’t fall asleep and was cranky and crying and there were many times I carried her home in one hand while pushing the stroller in the other. Today was like the total opposite. She was riveted! SQUIRRELS?! Who knew? And WATER! And CARS! It was absolutely amazing to see her little face peering out behind the canopy excited by everything and anything. Made the walk super fun and we even stopped off at the playground for her first swing! She protested a bit when I first fit her in, but when I pushed it she was like WHOA! What’s this? I can get on board with this! She didn’t laugh but she had a big smile on her face.
This past month – actually six weeks – has been really hard. We’ve been sick – all three of us – more than we’ve been well and that’s trying in the best of times. I knew my baby girl flipped my world but now I find myself hating winter. Longing for summer. Never in a million years would I think that would be the case but it’s true. Being cooped up in the house with a baby in freezing temps is not a lot of fun. Maybe even crazy inducing. At least for me. Your mileage may vary.
I think I’ve been feeling really isolated this winter. I don’t have any friends who have small children or even friends that are close by and my parenting forays haven’t yielded play dates – for adults or kids. I think we’re still a bit young for that right now. It’s okay. I’m getting through and being outside helped SO MUCH today. And every day we’ll get closer to SPRING! when we can be outside all the time.
I also think my experiment last month blogging on a daily-ish basis was a bust. It felt a bit forced to me – although the fact that I was sick a lot of the time may have contributed to that – and it wasn’t easy the way it’s been in the past. I’m sure it wasn’t that successful for you as well – in fact one of you so generously let me know that they were giving up on my whiny foul-mouthed self. Apparently I suck as a mother – compared to their successes, whine free, of course – and should just keep my complaining mouth shut. Yeah. I pretty much stopped blogging when that little beauty came in.
I know that I shouldn’t take these things seriously. It’s not like I haven’t had bad comments before – that’s the nature of the internet and blogging. But why do the bad ones always hurt so much more than the good comments feel good? Maybe I do whine too much. Maybe I complain all the time. Maybe I do suck as a mom.
Now, before you flood my inbox, I know that’s not true. My daughter is beautiful and happy and healthy and curious and I love her more than I could have ever imagined. I’d like to think that some of that is a directly affected by my parenting. We choose to have me stay home with our girl. It’s hard a lot of the time. Parenthood is hard a lot of the time whether you work outside the home or not. Whether you’re a single parent or not. Whether whatever. Just because I come here and talk about not feeling well and lash out a bit doesn’t mean I’m miserable. It means I have a blog and I get personal sometimes – a lot of times – and well, you can take it or leave it.
The day to day tediousness of parenting an almost toddler (my eyes need to be ON HER EVERY SECOND!) are supposed to make you a bit batty. Not to long ago I said to my guru in all things that I didn’t understand why I felt like bursting into tears when I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. She said you’re stuck home with a baby. You’re supposed to feel like crying. That and the fact that I’m exhausted. Exhaustion really fucks with your mind.
There are so many things to look forward to and I do spend a lot of my time looking forward. Every day we practice “Happy Birthday To You!” (replete with the hooray at the end and trying to blow out candles – pfew, pfew!) We sing songs and take classes and practice pushing the stroller. We kiss and hug and play and cry and our lives are perfectly imperfectly perfect. If I ever gave you the impression that all I do is complain, well, then I’m sorry. I’ve left out all the best parts.
Surprisingly, even with all the sickness, I’ve actually managed to knit the entire body of my new shawl collar sweater – back, fronts, and I even seamed the shoulders together (three needle bind off to be honest.) I’ve also started two new pairs of socks (because, you know, I don’t have seven others on the needles already.) I will get to knitting again soon – before I finish the sweater – I promise.
In the meantime, I’m going to go back to snuggling my daughter. I started this entry hours ago, when she was napping after our walk and now it’s late and my eyes are struggling to stay open. She’s breathing deeply by my side, smelling a little sleep sweaty, her hand buried deep under my back – always touching, never not touching – and I just want to kiss her until she wakes up. I pray for her to sleep and inevitably I miss her when she does.
I’m going to dream about our walk tomorrow. Maybe we’ll see some ducks.
Thanks for reading. I always appreciate the audience.
It is tough, isn’t it? You are making it through the hardest part, when they’re so young and it’s that first winter. It does get easier, and even more rewarding, if you can believe it. Don’t let a few nay-sayers get you down. You’re only being real and if readers don’t like it, then they’re only here for the knitting and not the whole you! Sometimes I try to remind myself that when I went to work for pay everyday, I didn’t enjoy every minute of every day then, either. Why should being at home be any different? It’s actually easier to take the difficulties when you’re at home, frankly, because you actually have more control over changing them. Hang in there, and keep telling us about it!
And here was I envying you for how happy and satisfied you are with your life with baby LOL! I was so NOT and SO regret not being at peace with it. I guess it all depends on your perspective – lucky *I* don’t have a blog I suspect…
Oh, hang in there, Cara! Being isolated with an infant/toddler in the winter just blows, no matter how much you love your kid. (BTW, ignore bitch emails. Better yet, publish commenter’s info, IP lookup, let friends do your bidding, just sayin’.)
I just joined a gym with a really nice childcare area and I wish so much I had known about this gym-with-kid-care thing and been willing to leave my kid guilt-free when B was a baby and nursing. It would have improved my stir craziness, I think, if only for providing me with a way to break up the day. My biggest hurdle was figuring out how to fill 8 hours with stuff to do. Maybe that would help? Your mileage may vary, of course.
But happy birthday to baby Meli!!! And congrats to her parents on surviving Year 1!
Hi Cara,
I have five words for you:
Early Childhood Family Education classes
I live in the Twin Cities (talk about long, cold winters) and the only thing that kept me sane for a couple of winters (OK, more like three or four winters) were ECFE classes.
It was so fun and comforting to share milestones and challenges with other moms. So many times I thought “I’m such a bad mom”. It was so reassuring to know I wasn’t the only one with those feelings.
Hang in there!
Kari
On the plain non-parenting blog business topic, I think January and February bring out the weirdos. I had one almost exactly like that, who “had” to leave me because of my potty mouth, etc. The person HAD TO TELL ME, because it was the POLITE thing to do, dontcha know, and claimed to have been a reader for years. If so, I wondered, why all of a sudden is the potty mouth bothersome? It certainly wasn’t anything new! Hah. It was clearly something else that bothered her, and again, I wondered, over all the many entries and all the many words I write, if one leetle teeny thing bothers the person enough to inform me they have to stop reading — well, whatever — it could be a “last straw” kind of thing, but again — whatever. It does seem as if these things happen more in Jan. and Feb. It’s the lack of light, I think. 😀
I love coming here and reading what you and your daughters been up to and to see if maybe just maybe you were able to find those five minutes to yourself to knit. I think all mothers have the right to have that wee moan now and again… dont listen to those who say you shouldnt or that you moan to much or are a bad mother like you said your not your little girl is happy and you guys as a family aree happy thats all that matters. People being snot nosed foold arent nice but they are always out there.. just try to ignore them and keep on keeping on with what your doing! and as for getting the body of your sweater finished, WOO HOO hopefully before it turns warm you will manage to find the time to do your sleeves and wear it! 🙂
I love coming here and reading what you and your daughters been up to and to see if maybe just maybe you were able to find those five minutes to yourself to knit. I think all mothers have the right to have that wee moan now and again… dont listen to those who say you shouldnt or that you moan to much or are a bad mother like you said your not your little girl is happy and you guys as a family aree happy thats all that matters. People being snot nosed foold arent nice but they are always out there.. just try to ignore them and keep on keeping on with what your doing! and as for getting the body of your sweater finished, WOO HOO hopefully before it turns warm you will manage to find the time to do your sleeves and wear it! 🙂
Just thought I’d leave a comment for once and say; I love your blog. It enriches me, and if it didn’t I would just stop reading, by no fault of yours, but because it was no longer what _I_ wanted. Because ultimately this blog is for you, about you, about things you care about. If I don’t like what you write, that is my problem, not yours.
Also, the “constant whining” thing is total humbug. I think who ever wrote that must have missed the “I love my baby my baby is amazing look at this video of my amazing baby doing amazing things!” posts… 😉 I love those by the way, always make me laugh myself silly. She really is amazing.
I feel compelled to comment (I usually just lurk in the background). It’s been my experience that those who are convinced that they are good mothers are the ones the rest of us need to watch very closely to make sure they don’t harm their children. You are not a bad mother…and anyone who comments negatively about potty-mouth and constant whining is blowing off steam because they’re having a bad day. It’s nothing you did. Who’s writing the blog? Them or you? If they object, they can stop reading and delete your address. My kids are grown now and I look back and am glad that I let the housekeeping go to take them outside to the park. You will never get this time back with your little one. Savor every moment and tell us about it.
I totally sympathise with you. I stay at home looking after my 20 month old girl and sometimes the sheer tediousness of it is mind boggling. I love her to bits and she is gorgeous, happy, curious, sociable and all those good things but there are days when I seriously consider bouncing her head off the wall out of sheer frustration with her. Hey ho. It has been always thus and anyone who tells you different must be some other species than human or been given boundless reserves of patience which should have been distributed more evenly between us all.
If you can look at your child and see a happy, healthy, interested and interesting person then YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB! As am I! Good luck and love your blog xxx
Spring is coming and you will feel so much better when you are germ free and can get out and breath in that fresh spring air for a bit. You’re doing a great job and don’t worry about the negative comments. I always fail to understand why people bother to read and comment on a post they don’t enjoy, I only read the blogs I like, life is too short to waste on the ones I don’t enjoy. Strange people!
Ah sleep – I do want mine to sleep and I do so miss her when she is, which is even harder for me, since I’m back at work. I loved staying home for the few weeks I got to, and would love to get to again, but yes, it’s a little crazy inducing. I think the only thing that saved me was having my neighbor who has 2 little ones to talk to, to walk with, to tell me I wasn’t crazy.
You’ve always got us – no matter who doesn’t want to hear you!
Cara, I can’t remember when I started reading your blog, and several years ago I would probably have stopped. But somehow I like hearing the real people stories of being a mom. I have no idea how you do it, honestly. I work 80 hrs a week as a surgery resident, and I constantly think this can’t be anywhere near as hard as having kids! I completely understand about the exhaustion. My hope for you is that some time in the next year you’ll get some real sleep, too.
Oh my goodness- you sound just like I did when my first was born. Man, that brings the memories flooding back! Now he’s 9, and I have 2 others (girls) and you know, I still can’t tell if I’m doing this right. Frankly, I think anyone who doesn’t doubt her parenting now and then is the one who’s not doing it right. You’ve got to remember, every day is uncharted territory or them at this age (at most ages!)- how are we supposed to tell them exactly what to do? How are we supposed to know, exactly?
Play it by ear, and listen to your heart, and go for long walks. It’ll all be OK.
oh, and don’t plan to sleep much for some time yet. Nap when she does, and expect a good night’s sleep in about 25 years.
yeah, this winter has sucked and I too am not normally one to say that, but a viral cough, pneumonia, bronchitis and a drug interaction since the beginning of December does that to your winter. And I don’t even get sick. I have kids too, the difference is that mine are a little older, 18,15 and 11. When I was at my sickest, they cooked meals, did laundry, brought me tea and put an extra blanket on me. They were able to do those things because I did all the things that you are doing so well with Meli right now. Hang in there, you are doing fine.
I can’t believe someone would even make a comment like that. They have the choice to either read your blog or not…no comment necessary. Regardless of what you blog about, I love reading your blog. It’s a look into someone else’s life, good or bad. You’ve made me laugh and you’ve made me cry and I’ve appreciated every moment of it! So, thank you. And you sound like an awesome mother!!
I did the exact same thing yesterday! It was above 40, so I took out the stroller and we went for a walk. H kept looking at me like I was insane, but I *needed* to get out of the house. I find myself in a similar situation- I don’t know anyone in this city that has children and we’re trapped at home during the winter months. I’ve been struggling a lot with needing to get out of the house, but H isn’t old enough for storytime at the library and we have no gymboree options. So, even though I’m most definitely not a summer person, I’m looking forward to the weather changing so we can go to the park.
And please, don’t change the tone of your blog. Sometimes I come just to hear that your life isn’t all peaches and cream, too. Some mom-ish blogs make it sound like their days are filled with absolutely no troubles, which makes me feel like I’m letting my son down. We have so much fun together, but there are moments when both of us are fed up. I, for one, need to hear that others are having similar problems. Thank you for blogging.
When my son was just a bit older than your daughter we moved from CA to CT…in January (don’t ask). It was the hardest season of my life. Not only could we not get outside, not only did I know not a soul in CT, but I also didn’t even know where the grocery store was, or the gas station. The list could go on and on. I cried a lot and I’m sure I was not a pleasant person to come home to. But over time, the weather changed, I got used to my new surroundings, made a few friends and started getting out. It gets easier as they get older. And for the pouty person? Just think about how hard her life is, having to be perfect all the time. I say it sucks to be HER. At least you know things will change! 🙂
JanuaryOne, i have been reading your blog for a while and I am loving you and your stories. Your daughter is adorable and one of the cutest things i have ever seen. Truly, i believe you are a great mom.
Whenever you read a bad comment, discard it right away. It is a fact that it need TEN positive comments to neutralize ONE negative. Don’t expose yourself to the bad people. It’s there choice to read what you have to say and what you are willing to share. But they don’t have to read it.
i love your stories and I am always looking forward to hearing about your crafts and family (I am a crafter, not a mom and that’s what drew me to you).
Have a wonderful day and a fun walk next time. Can’t wait to hear about it.
C.
De-lurking here Cara – I check your blog for updates every day, and am disappointed when there aren’t any for awhile. BUT, I completely understand – as a young military wife, I had 3 babies that were 3 years old and under – my husband was sent to Desert Storm when the youngest was 4 months old – that’s my story. Today, I have 3 young adults in college, a successful career, and am still married to that same soldier who just returned from his latest deployment. Being a mom, being a parent, is HARD, HARD, HARD – if it’s the only thing we do somewhat right in our lives, then we have succeeded. My dad always told me, “Don’t let the bastards get you down,” he was a wise one, huh? But that’s how I live my life. It’s mine, I can’t be anybody but myself and if somebody doesn’t like it – oh well, no skin off my you know what. So I guess what I’m trying to say is this: I read your blog regularly, I don’t agree with your politics all of the time, I don’t particularly care for the same music as you, I didn’t have the fortune (good or bad, you choose, hee hee) to be able to stay at home with my babies – finances dictated otherwise; but we have two big things in common – we’re moms and Knitters and that’s enough for me. For pete’s sake, it’s your blog – if I chose to quit reading it, I don’t think I would be compelled to tell you and tell you why I made that choice – I know you well enough to know that you really wouln’t give a rat’s ass why – It’s like changing the TV channel!
I think your baby is beautiful & happy, it sounds to me like your marriage is beautiful too. We could all pretend that marriage & kids are always lovely and easy couldn’t we? Except then we’d all be liars. So from the wisdom of a 24 year marriage (22 of those as a parent), with a much different set of circumstances as you, rest assured that some day, and there will be times when it seems as though that day will never come, Miss Meli will know that she has been and will always be loved by her parents in a way that no one else can love her…..and she will appreciate it.
I’m not inclined to be a mother but I think watching you and Meli discover the world is fascinating and rewarding and haven’t really felt it to be a negative experience in your writing. Life isn’t easy and it is a different experience for everyone. Life would be pretty boring if we all lived the same one. Best wishes to you and your family. 🙂
I still love reading your blog. Less frequency just makes each post more special. I’m happy to read you find time to knit now. This stage of parenting will pass and soon you will wonder what happened to that baby you once had. When you wear that fabulous shawl-collar sweater, it will transport your memories back to the days when you knit it and remind you of this good time. Each phase is its own good time. Thanks for sharing yours with all of us here!
Dear Cara, you are loved more than you could ever imagine. You are a wonderful, loving mother, and you have one of the most beautiful babies in the world (I happen to have THE most beautiful one…even though she’s now 28!!) This too shall pass. It may not feel like it, but it does. Big hugs to you, Meli and Georgie.
maybe it’s today’s temp, but i don’t think i’ve realized how much i’ve missed the spring and being outside until today. i am sending you all good vibes and germ free love 😉
i’m just down rt. 3 in hoboken if you ever want to just get away 😉 would DIE if i saw you! haha!
🙂
Motherhood is hard, pure and simple. There was a cover story in the NY Times Magazine some years ago that summed it up best: it was “Moms Can’t Win.” If you stay home, there’s a certain segment of the population who will look down their collective noses at you and make judgements. If you work outside of the home, there’s another segment of the population that judges you and in some cases, pities you and your children. It’s gross. We should support one another. I’m not naive enough to envision all mothers locked in an eternal Kumbaya moment, but jeez — when did motherhood become a competitive sport? You’re a great mom and a great person, and i’m proud to know you. As to the cursing, I had a conversation with my son’s Vice-Principal yesterday because he got into a verbal altercation with a boy who’s been bullying him all year, and he finally responded to the boy’s taunts and curses with a few choice words of his own. He called me to tell me about it, so I followed up with the Vice-Principal. She said “Noah is one of the most articulate children I know, and I was shocked that he would resort to that kind of language.” I replied, “well, I have a mouth like a sewer. Normally, my kids don’t curse, but sometimes we lose our tempers, and sometimes it’s the only way to get our point across.” I was met by stunned silence. I then explained that yes, even though I’m fairly articulate, I cuss like a sailor at times, and it’s ok, because I’m a grown-up and that’s how we talk. She recovered, said that Noah is a great kid, and she understood completely, and thank you very much for always being so involved and on top of things. It’s so funny how people react to cursing, though. One would think there are so many bigger, more meaningful issues to deal with. Sigh.
You don’t whine. Since the moment you gave birth, you’ve totally and completely projected your utter joy at parenthood. Really. (I swear I wouldn’t say this if it was the God’s-Honest-Truth).
My humble experience has always been that women can be real bitches to each other.
Whining? I don’t understand.
If you weren’t a mother, and both you and Georgie were sick, I’d expect to see unhappy blog entries about it. Why would it make you a bad mother to be unhappy about more people being sick at the same time?
Honestly, while I cherish every happy Meli moment you share with us, sharing your grievances makes me feel like we’re seeing the real you, and not just some stepford wife-type facade. You seem more human, and thus more lovable.
Plus, if you shared every happy Meli moment with us, your fingers would never leave the keyboard. Share the happy moments with her. We’ll be here for the stressful ones.
From everything I’ve read you’re on the better than normal side of normal. As a non-perfect parent, it’s nice to see that other folks have similar highs & lows. Happy early birthday to Meli.
Being a mom is the hardest job you’ll ever LOVE. I do see how much you LOVE Meli…so if the working out of that job (the laundry, sickness, constant vigil) wears on you, that’s to be expected. You’re doing great. And if you suck at being a mom…then so do I. You’ve put words to many thoughts I’ve had…just I’ve not always been able to speak about it.
Bravo Cara for a great post. You expressed all the emotions of a new mom (maybe not so new too). My daughter is 17 months old and I feel so much of what you are feeling, good and frustrated! It IS the hardest job on the planet, being a mom, but absolutely without a doubt the most amazing and most rewarding. FUCK that woman who left those rude “my shit doesn’t stink” comments. I thank you for your writing. I can’t believe Meli is almost a year old!! How did that happen already?!?!?
Cara,
Wise and thoughtful comments from your many readers. Being a parent is a great journey. I will tell you each stage is interesting, rewarding and challenging. My girls are now almost 14 and 10 1/2. It seems like only a moment ago I was pushing them in the stroller looking for ducks. Actually, because the world is pretty miraculous no matter your age we still eagerly look for ducks and exclaim our admiration for darn near everything. And then there are the days if my kid sighs at me and looks huffy upon my every word I think I will run screaming from the house.
Thank you for giving of yourself in your blog. I enjoy it very much.
I consider what you write to be Honesty not Whining. Very few are comfortable to answer “How are you?” with something other than “Fine, and you?” I appreciate your blog because of that. I wouldn’t continue to read if various pleasantries and artfully cropped glimpses into your life were all you posted. This is real – and reality is what resonates with me. It brings me back to when my babies were small (only 9 years ago)and helps me to remember the intense joy, the loneliness, the fatigue… all with a sense that it was OK – I wasn’t crazy, because here is another mom going through the same stuff. Thanks Cara!
Cara-
Hang in there! Winter is so hard when you have a little one at home.
My recommendation would be to find a group of moms with children Meli’s age. I met other moms through a Gymboree class and we formed a playgroup that met 1-2x/week. We went as a group to the zoo, museums, parks, etc. It was wonderful to not feel so alone.
Also, an organization like MOPS(Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) is a great way to meet other moms with young kids. Some of those groups are more structured, with speakers, crafts, etc., so it depends on what you are looking for.
Anyway, enjoy your little girl and know that spring is not too far away :o)
Huh? I read all your posts in January and you didn’t strike me as particularly whiny or unhappy. I even just went back to check – one post that said ‘ugh, its the depths of winter’ and then when you got sick. Seemed pretty normal to me, so I don’t know what the whiner who emailed you was talking about. Talking about cranky – that’s her, not you.
Hello! I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy reading your blog. I’m a 35-year-old, first-time mama. I’m staying at home with my baby girl while trying to finish up grad school (the latter isn’t really happening). Often you write what I’m feeling. My lovely baby was born on April 5th, just a few weeks after Meli, so I followed your pregnancy closely as well. The funny thing is that when you wrote about something happening with Meli, it would happen to Zoe just a few weeks later. The first laugh. Magic. The first sickness. The first ear infection. Really really really wanting to nurse. Zoe has only diverged from Meli developmentally in that she is not yet crawling (I don’t know if she will crawl before she walks). She loves to stand all the time, she doesn’t want to sit down, and puts everything in her mouth so I hear you about needing to watch her all the time. And I know what it is to feel utterly exhuasted, and on the verge of tears a lot of the time, and yet to feel abundantly grateful and amazed to have this little life in your arms. So. Just wanted to say I appreciate your writing. Winter is crazy-making (I live in a cold, cold part of the country). But your blog has helped me feel less isolated this winter.
coming out of lurkdom to say: pretty hard for me to figure out anyone thinking you whine. All I feel when I read your blog is LOVE – you just love your baby and your life so much. It makes me happy to read about your first year with Meli and I cannot tell you how much I dig it when you give us a video – Meli laughing just lights up my day. Hang in there, mama – you are a superb one!
Teri
Cara, you are a great mom. You are a GREAT MOM. But please don’t underestimate the power of a play date, even at this age; even if they both just sit on the floor and play without noticing each other. It’s as much for you and the other mom as it is for the babies. Maybe more. Have some coffee, laugh at all the baby slobber on everything, complain together. It’s all good, and it helps. You are a great mom.
You’re amazing. I love your blog, and I haven’t missed an entry for months. Don’t worry, you’re a fantastic mom!
So, this person was…complaining…because you were…complaining?
Sometimes I don’t think people realize that a blog is not a business. If they were paying for a service and were not happy with it, then they would have cause to complain. But, they’re not paying for it, so you have no responsibility to try to please them. Actually, that’s probably what makes them mad. Since they can’t cause you economic harm by not patronizing your “establishment” they just decide to hurt your feelings instead.
I personally love your blog, especially your beautiful photographs!!!
Hooray for sunshine and the chance to get outside! As for your naysayer – I agree with everyone else – what the heck is the point?!?
I thought of you yesterday as I sat knitting on my Feb Lady sweater and your post on the healing powers of knitting – the repetitive nature of gull lace was keeping me focused while my mom had surgery = round two is tomorrow.
the problem with being a mom and of course blogging about it is that people love to judge and compare, or think you should be doing it different, or their way. The trusth is each child is VERY different, and the only way to know the right answer is to be the one watching that child 24/7 and that’s why mom knows best, because she knows her children best because she is with them the most, doing the most for them and with them (in most cases).
I always trust my mommy instincts and if someone tries to tell me different I listen to their ideals but after so many times of trying those alternatives and failing I have realized that, I will figure it out if I keep trying, and I do know better then anyone else what will work and what is best for my child. it may not be what THEY would do, they may not agree with it, but I do what I do to keep our family happy and heatlhy and what works for US is different then what works for others.
I found your blog through your beautiful cards, of which I bought two boxes. I have been reading ever since because you actually voice so many of my own thoughts. Even though I am 58 and have a grown son (29), I can identify SO MUCH with the life you are living. Thank you for sharing with the public. If people don’t like it they don’t have to read it!
Your comments today were almost identical to things I wrote in my journal when my son was about 2. He was my reason for living, yet I was often depressed and wondered why I couldn’t be happy with a phenomenal husband and being a stay-at-home mom, which I always wanted. I look back on those years now as some of the absolute happiest ever. They really did go so quickly. You sound like a great mom and a bright, creative person. We all need to vent. That’s what keeps us healthy! So…..carry on!
From a fellow knitter/mom
When I lived in the Northeast, I used to say that I would one day die of February. Oh, that month went on and on. Longest damn month of the year. Dreary, dismal, gray days. If I had nothing to whine about in February, I’d sure as hell find something. So hooray for you & Meli for a walk and getting out. You are an awesome mom, Cara. We all know a part of what it took for you to have Meli and how treasured she is. Don’t let those idiots get you down, kiddo!! It’s February. And it’s almost half over.
Hey there, sounds like normal MOM stuff. And, if you want to vent your spleen on your blog, so be it.
Hey Cara… thanks for posting today! I always enjoy reading, but even more so today, as my daughter is just a few weeks younger than yours, so I like hearing what Meli’s up to, and imagining my little Miss doing the same soon. Winter HAS been hard, and unfortunately, where I live it’s nowhere near over!! I’m sorry to hear you haven’t found any mommy and baby activities, they’re few and far between here, but the things I’ve joined have been a lifesaver. Good luck creating these networks for yourself and Meli… it’s hard to do (at least for me… I hate joining things, and I don’t especially like meeting new people) but it’s so fun to see her with other babies and toddlers, and it’s great to talk with other moms. Keep enjoying family life!!
The year after the girls turned two was the worst. Before we had lived in a small town that was completely accessible with a stroller and I had a good group of friends from a play group that kept up with each other. Then, we moved to Michigan in a large city that wasn’t accessible without a car and there were no friends. Honestly, NPR saved my sanity. Had it not been for the adult information on “All Things Considered” I would have gone bat-shit crazy with the girls. So, feel free to vent any time. It happens to everyone . . . even those who swear it doesn’t.
–Exhaustion really fucks with your mind.– you said it! glad to read your post today. rest and growth and health are coming.
So often you put into words exactly how I felt when I was home alone with baby(sometimes with hubby out of the country) and feeling isolated. Kids grow and all that time you spend keeping each other company? Maybe you’ll be as lucky as I am to have a daughter who is still happy to spend time with me, even 17 years later. It’s so worth it.
And you’re not whining. You’re reaching out to your friends online. A real friend recognizes that.
Cara, I’ve been lurking and reading for a really long time. I love your blog and your writing. When it shifted from a mainly knitting blog to a mainly family/real life blog I was just as pleased as I’d always been. Your thoughts and ideas and pictures and turn of a phrase are just as entertaining as they’ve always been. And I’ve got to agree with what someone already said – if that trampy pain had really been reading, she’d know your style and how you speak already.
That being said, in my decidedly foul manner of speech, I’d tell her that you don’t give a flying fuck thru a rolling donut about her opinion and to move it along sister, we’re all full up and don’t need your shit on our doorstep.
I am glad you and Meli and George are feeling better! I seem to recall that you’re in the Keystone state – just to let you know, the Garden State is not too far away for a cuppa tea should you ever need one!
I have been reading for about 2 months and find you refreshing and honest. I stay at home with 9 month old boy/girl twins. I too absolutely adore my children, but some days it is rough. While I don’t know you personally it seems like you are doing a great job, as for the rude comment makers, f*** them, in the grand scheme of things, they don’t matter a bit. I hope you are having a great day and many more with your daughter.
You’re not whining — you’re talking to your friends, and if there are readers who don’t want to “listen,” well – they’re not really your friends! Personally, I like blogs where I learn a little about “real life,” not just knitting, and I would so miss hearing about Meli and Georgie.
I love your blog, because you often seem to find a way to tie things up nicely and leave me with a smile. On the days that things aren’t going so well, I realize that that happens for all of us at times. That’s why we need blogs and we need each other. You also have a wonderful writing style that I vey much enjoy.
It’s my personal view that whining and complaining are the only way to get through motherhood with your sanity somewhat intact — it operates as a pressure venting system. I have found that having a good friend/relative listen to my rants does me a world of good and lets me return refreshed to the insane world of parenting. Maybe the blog helps do that for you, in part? I love your blog and I love the fact that you own up to your frustration. We know it doesn’t make you any less of a parent. IMHO, it makes you more of one. Hope you got out for another walk today! Fresh air helps too. ;o)
Cara, I am sorry that someone felt is was necessary to write hurtful things to you. Remember you have the support of many here. That said, I understand your happiness with Meli, and your frustrations with other things. I am sure it is no consolation, but I had the same feelings when my daughter was little, but I was 8,000 miles from my family, in a foreign country, trying to navigate motherhood and see the light at the end of the tunnel(in my case, the yearly trip to my parents home in the U.S.). My daughter is now 10, I am still in Japan, and still trying to navigate, it is just a different challenge. I will keep you in my thoughts
I want you to know that I really enjoy reading your blog – on the good days, as well as the bad. You see, I am the mother of two boys, one 6 years old, and the other 9 months old. I get where you are coming from. As much as we love our kids, parenting is tough. I come here because you keep it real. Our children are so close in age, it’s reassuring to see you going through the same things I am going through. Take care.
you know what? fuck those people who sent you the nasty comments. really.
i have an 8 month old, and reading your experiences have really helped me feel like i’m not the only one going through this and that. i look forward to my kid doing the stuff that yours is doing now- keep the posts coming, foul language and all. it’s real. 🙂
Being a parent – you love it more than anything, but some days you hate it. That’s just how it is. I think any honest parent feels the same way. Hang in there! Spring is coming.
That was one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. (first-time, stumbled-upon-you visit, too)
Also, good for you that you realize that the rude people who feel the need to peer into your personal blog and then insult you because it doesn’t fulfill THEM aren’t important at all. I also suspect they know this on a deep level, given their thoughtlessness and cruel need to lash out like that. “But why do the bad ones always hurt so much more than the good comments feel good?” I believe it is because they tap a place in us where we already harbor self-doubts and insecurities… and these are the moments we are given the chance to look inside, shed the baggage, heal the hurts, and grow. Hugs and blessings to you.
oh honey, those commenters can fuck off. whine when you want, you said it right when you stated you are a good mama. sometimes when times are tough you need to spill it somewhere. and it is your blog and you write what you want. it is funny, i did not even hear those posts as whining, i just felt deep sympathy for you as we have had a rough time of it round these parts too.
staying home is awesome and a bit battifying. but after one, things start to accelerate, options open up so much and life takes on a whole different tone. except winter will always be a suck with kids until they can take advantage of it.
Mommy brain. Cabin Fever. Gray. Isolation. Insufficient interaction with adults. Definite recipe for a struggle. Count your blessings, rant and rave. This too shall pass.
Mommy brain. Cabin Fever. Gray. Isolation. Insufficient interaction with adults. Definite recipe for a struggle. Count your blessings, rant and rave. This too shall pass.
Mommy brain. Cabin Fever. Gray. Isolation. Insufficient interaction with adults. Definite recipe for a struggle. Count your blessings, rant and rave. This too shall pass.
That’s funny. I read this post and had no idea what you were talking about. I loved reading you this month — not artificial at all. Totally enjoyed hearing updates from you on Meli and the knitting. I love your parenting posts. They don’t seem whiny to me. They seem spot on.
I may be biased. I’m trying to get through a long winter, knitting and finishing a dissertation, with a 6 month old girl AND two 5 and 7 year old boys who need to do, of all things, homework. So I get the misery / bliss thing so deeply I probably don’t even notice it. Some people have this idealized image of motherhood and no direct, personal experience of it. These people don’t like to hear about the real thing. It bursts their bubble. I mean, you can’t have potty mouth now that your a MOTHER can you?
Looking forward to spring.
Happy almost birthday Meli.
I understand everything you are saying. Being a stay at home mom makes you feel very isolated sometimes. When I get a chance to go do something by myself, I miss them all terribly. I am glad that you are enjoying being a mom and that your daughter knows that she is important to you is the most important thing of all. Gripe all you want.
I’ve been reading you a long time and love and respect your honest and open self! Keep on being the laughing,crying, whining, sharing, knitting,working,not working,w-etf you want to be person you are! Spring will be here soon…2009 was not the winter to be trapped inside with a young one!
Hang in there, spring is around the corner!
I joined my local mother’s club soon after my son was born and it has been a godsend. Sure, I don’t want to befriend everyone in it, but I’ve developed a ton of acquaintances and a few good friends. Nothing like commiserating and swapping tips with someone going through the same thing.
god, i hate mean people. WTF? and, as you know, i totally feel ya on all this. spring is coming soon! let’s hope we can get together this summer 🙂
Crikey…my youngest of three is seven now but reading your blog reminds me totally of the way the walls used to close in on me and a toddler.
You need some other mothers with kids the same age, for support. Don’t you have Mother and Toddler groups over there?
I so remember the first year my son was sick all the time! I was sick all the time – we had both earned gold status at the dr.’s offices. Look for early childhood reading programs at your local library. There isn’t anything better for mom and darling daughter to do – than explore books. Cherrish the nights you get 4 straight hours of sleep (I didn’t get 4 hours of sleep until my son was 2.)and it is ok to nap when she is napping. Your blogging can wait. Spring is coming soon. Keep the faith!
Being a mom is hard, and the age that Meli’s at was the hardest for us with Cam. And, being sick and having a sick kid really sucks. All that to say, I like reading about what’s going on with you guys!
Hi Cara,
I’m a long time lurker and I love reading your blog. Especially the complaints! My son is 2 weeks older than Meli and I don’t have a lot of friends with babies the same age as mine and I love to be able to read your blog and feel like another mother feels like I do. I live in SD–the epitome of long, cold, isolating winters and I totally understand how being stuck inside with an energetic baby can sap you of strength and sanity. My baby is not a sleeper, I’m lucky if he’ll sleep 8-9 hours during the night (and lucky if he only wake up once or twice) so my nights are short and my days are long. I complain a lot…but I still LOVE my son more than anything. I would never give up staying home with him. It’s just hard some days and it’s hard to admit that in certain company. I think some people believe that if you ever feel like parenting is hard you shouldn’t have had kids, those people tend to make you feel like you’re being a bad mother. But in reality I think most mothers feel that way sometimes (or a lot of the time!) and that makes us human. But it still helps to know you’re not alone. Thanks for helping me feel like I’m not alone!
Bad comments are, unfortunately, part of putting your life out there for everyone to read. Some people are just plain rude and have the audacity to vent in comments what they would never say in real life. I figure no one is forcing those malcontents to read what I write, so if they don’t like my blog, they’re only bringing it on themselves by continuing to read. Power to you for continuing on!