One of the things that makes writing so amazingly incredibly difficult (and also why it makes it so so satisfying – please let me write again! PLEASE!) is that there is this HUGE gap between your imagination and what actually makes it onto the page. I can spend days and hours and days thinking over stories and having it be PERFECT in my mind and it never makes it out of my head exactly the way I want it to be. I’m not sure I know why this is – but it is. It’s probably the same for painting. Such inexactness is what makes it all so precious, maybe. I don’t know. But I know that writing is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life (so far) and that it’s like pulling teeth to get started and full of disappointment and the greatest feeling when you’ve done what you set out to do. I often cry when I finish a story, or at least I used to. Part so glad it’s over part awe that I created this.
I called G yesterday and in hushed reverent tones I said, “That shawl. My shawl. You know the one on the floor? Well it’s beyond perfect.”
“I know. It’s great.”
“No. I unpinned it. It’s amazing. EXACTLY what I wanted.”
“I saw it yesterday. You’re the best.”
“But it’s OFF THE FLOOR. You DON’T understand. IT’S PERFECT.”
I was like Maria in West Side Story, flitting about the house with that shawl – oh so pretty, so pretty and witty and gay. I tried it on while I was naked. (By the way, triangular shawls – not so good with the naked. Those points don’t cover much.) I did Talia Shire in Godfather III pulling it up over my head dramatically. I thought about greeting G at the door with nothing on but the shawl (I can’t explain why this particular piece of knitting is causing me to take off my clothes. I’m not usually like that with handknits) but then I had to pick him up at the train.
The best part about this shawl is that I had a vision in my mind and I GOT EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED!! No where else in my creative life is this possible. With the writing – well I already explained that. With the photography – it depends. Sometimes I don’t know what I want with the flower pictures or the inanimate object pictures until I’ve taken one – liked it – and gone back to try to recreate it or change it slightly or jump off from there. And the kids, well, the kids is a cross your fingers on one hand, let the shutter fly on the other and hope for the best. It’s a split second kind of creativity and oftentimes I don’t remember framing the shot except it’s clearly obvious I did when I look at the results.
But knitting is different. It’s never perfect, there’s always some handknit anomaly somewhere in there, which is a GOOD thing and something my anxiety/control ridden/ocd mind wants and needs, but I can GET my vision! I can ACHIEVE what I set out to make. As soon as I finished my first DFS I had an idea about a DFS with beads. I was at Rhinebeck when I saw some black(ish) STR and thought wouldn’t it be so elegant in black with beads. I bought the yarn and left it in the drawer, oftentimes dreaming about it, and then the wedding came up. I’m glad I didn’t use the STR in the end, because I think the solid black is much more dramatic. And it’s HUGE. When I blocked it out I measured that it’s 35″ on each side of the middle line – so 70″ at the wingspan. And from the point to the top it’s about 35″ as well. (It hits way below my ass, thank you very much.) I feel such a sense of creative accomplishment. I had a vision, and that vision turned out to be true.
Thank you all so much for your comments. I will absolutely try to get pictures of me wearing it with the dress. Whatever dress works out. Wouldn’t you know it – I ordered some books from Amazon on Monday and did the regular shipping (not the free one) and the freaking books came yesterday. I ordered the dress on Sunday, paid for two day delivery – supposedly it shipped on Monday – and it’s not here yet. Today, I’m hoping. And please think good thoughts for it to fit. I would really, really like to wear the red dress and not the black one. The shawl will look SO much more dramatic against the red. 😉 (And I don’t really know the bride – I may have met her once, so I’m not feeling too bad about showing her up!)
I’ll end with this. SOMEONE better ask me about the shawl at the damn wedding. I asked G if he thought someone would ask about it. Did it look really good? Would people be impressed? (I know – Hello my name is Karen. I’m a validation whore.) He told me that I shouldn’t get my hopes up and used a couple of derogatory monikers to describe the people who most likely will be attending the wedding – excluding us of course. ONE person. I just want to tell ONE person that I made it myself.
Cara – it’s incredible. Don’t wait for people to ask you, just tell them!
I would try yo steal the shawl from you. Even though it’ed be at a wedding where everyone would know me and Ia’ed get caught for sure. It’s that damn good! Am jealous!
Listen up – you made something fabulous – you had a vision and you made it come true. We all know that doesn’t happen often with knitting. Or at least not my knitting.
So, be your own cheerleader! If no one notices it doesn’t make the shawl less gorgeous and your vision less real.
If I was coming to the wedding I’d be drooling all over the shawl and that would be worse than no one noticing, right? XOXO
I wouldn’t worry. There’s no doubt that you’ll get compliments. Your grin will be the dead giveaway that you made it yourself!
All I can think of to say is YEA FOR YOU! Vision and execution. It’s really stunning.
The shawl is breathtaking Cara. If it’s making you disrobe it’s really living up to its name. 🙂
As someone who strives for knitting perfection (sometimes- other times I get over myself pretty quickly) and never seems to get there, I wholeheartedly congratulate you on your shawl masterpiece. I’m sure at least one person will comment on it. It’s so beautiful- how could they not??
Well, you could try wearing it to the wedding naked. People’d probably notice that. 😀
You really have such a lovely way of saying things. I always feel your emotions when you write about them (or I feel what I read into your words). I am really so happy that the shawl is perfect. You, the dress, the shawl, G – you’ll be a perfectly gorgeous couple and to hell with the people at the wedding if someone doesn’t notice that gorgeous shawl.
That part about the shawl making you want to take off your clothes? If you just go with that at some point during the wedding, I guarantee that you’ll be asked about the shawl.
I totally gave up on photography because the vision in my head is never the vision on the film. I realize that with experience you learn how to manipulate the camera to get the vision you want, but I never seemed to get the hang of it. I feel like I have more control over words–probably because I use them every day–but the part of writing I find challenging is the storytelling aspect. I can put the words together but I can’t tell the story.
Sometimes knitting fails me, too, but usually only when I throw the pattern out and wing it. It is important to have the satisfaction of having something come out exactly like you imagined it! Yay for your shawl!
There is nothing like the satisfaction of causing a vision, a creative inspiration, to become a reality. Nothing. Like. It. Congratulations! Because, it’s gorgeous.
Beautiful shawl. I’m glad that you’re so pleased with it. I’ve not yet knitted something that makes me want to take my clothes off, but hopefully someday I’ll reach that achievement. At any rate, congrats on finishing it. Wear it with pride.
What are you, nuts? The bride will be pouting because all the people who should be in the receiving line are over on your side of the reception hall, clustered around you and your shawl. Miss Manners will get truckloads of mail. Traffic will be tied up. Commerce all over the Eastern seaboard will slow to a crawl. A Congressional investigation will ensue. You will be subpoenaed to appear before the Select Senate Committee on Excessively Gorgeous Knitwear. You will wear the shawl, of course. C-SPAN’s ratings will go through the roof. Ted Kennedy’s microphone will short out when he drools into it. You will turn down an offer from the Smithsonian to purchase the shawl for $5.3 million.
Well, OK, maybe not, but you WILL be noticed. Ah guaRAHNtee.
I know exactly what you mean about the realization of a creative vision. There is something breathtaking about seeing something you imagined in your head become tangible. Congratulations on an absolutely stunning piece.
Tell them anyway!!
I’m such a validation ho that I’ve been know to say to folks “What do you think of my shawl?” They’ll usually say something like “Oh, it’s really nice.”
That’s my cue to say “I MADE IT MYSELF! ISN’T IT GREAT??”
(I don’t actually shout, but you get the idea.)
Oh, Cara, congratulations on getting something Just Like You Imagined It. I love playing with paints, but it never comes out right, so I know exactly what you mean about the frustration. I’m so, so happy for you!
Yeah! I can’t wait to see the pictures…oh hurry with the pictures! This is a wonderful moment in the world of knitting…exactly what you wanted!
Woohoo for you! You’re cracking me up, but your excitement is contagious! I don’t even feel as tired as I did.
Yesterday I thought about your post all day. You write so well and the post was so funny. Today you’ve done it again as I can see you dancing around with the shawl because you discribe the scene so well. Can’t wait to see the shawl ‘in action’. If you just act like you are neckid and dance around with the shawl, you will surely get comments;-)
Oh man.. do I know that feeling. I wore Kepler 5 times before someone asked me if I knit it. I was ready to wear a sign on my back.
You crack me up! Now we all want to see pictures of you wearing the shawl and nothing else! And if the dorks at the wedding don’t ask you about it, it will be because they are so freaking jealous.
YEA CARA!!!!!! It’s George-ous shawl! (i am pure cheese). Congrats, it’s beautiful!!
Very nice. Verrrrry nice. Maybe people will ask, maybe they won’t. Depends on if they are knitters, friends of knitters, or merely cretins. If no one says anything, toot your own horn!
Oh, and by the way, this shawl is SO worth another link over on Silvia Harding’s website!
What? No blogs pics of naked shawl wearing? Yeah, me neither. (You’re going to get some weird google hits now.)
Someone at the wedding is bound to ask. And then tell you that their aunt knits, and that they’d never have the patience to do something like that. You don’t need that sort of validation when you have fellow knitbloggers to say, “Oooooooh! Excellent work.”
Definitely. Someone will definitely ask. It is so awesome, C!
so, the beads are cool against your what, exactly?
Oh, they’ll ask! By the end, you’ll be tired of answering! It’s just gorgeous Cara!
I am going to find me some black lace weight right this minute!
Great, Cara, really great. If I was going to be at the wedding, I would ask about it.
the shawl is spectacular, you should be very proud!
would it be too much to wear it to MS&W? I think you should show it off in person!
Hurrah! It looks awesome by photograph. I wish I could see it in person–touching it is always half the coolness. (Maybe that’s why you have to get naked? To touch more of it?)
That gap between your idea of a story and what it actually becomes is the very best part… When they work they so often become something much better than we could have imagined for them on our own. (MC always told us that our books are smarter than we are. I think that’s true.)
Aw Cara, I love what you’re saying about anticipation and the final thing. I think about that all the time: the perfection of the unknitted project. Needless to say, I have spent a lot of time getting comfortable with imperfection . . .
And BTW, your shawl is just a thing of beeyootee. Those beads, those beads . . .
xoxoxoxoxoxooxxo
I’m with Carole – I’d be drooling over that shawl if I were at that wedding (hell, I drool over it when I see it online!). I hate to tell you this – brace yourself – but there are some people in this world who aren’t impressed with knit things. I know, I know. Hard to imagine. And very sad…but my point is, if no-one mentions the shawl, it’s just because they’re clueless (and probably not the kind of people you’d want to talk to, anyway). 🙂 The shawl is BEAUTIFUL!!!
It’s gorgeous! Really really gorgeous. Awesome pix on the post below.
And to heck with having someone ask you, don’t give them a chance. I’d be announcing to everyone that I made that gorgeous creation the second they were close enough to hear me (but I hope lots of someones ask you where you got it).
Good vibes on the dress getting here. Today. Sheesh.
OMG – that shawl is beyond breathtaking. It’s the Mona Lisa of shawls.
Tell me, Cara, did you make it?
Of course it’s gorgeous. You have GREAT taste, Cara, and that shawl is GORGEOUS!!! I know it’s hard to photograph black in the light too, but you did it really well. Wear it with pride!
How could you NOT post any pictures with this post????? I so want to see this most perfect shawl………not the naked shots, but definitely the shawl………
You are so right about the writing. There’s a quote from someone (sorry, can’t remember who) that said poetry is only 10% of what the poet saw in their imaginations. The same goes for prose as well. When I read things I wrote after a year or so, it’s lost something, because I can no longer remember what I imagined when I wrote it.
Oh My Sweet Baby Jesus.
I just scrolled down to look at your shawl.
The word “lust” does not even begin to cover it.
Oh My Goodness! That shawl is beyond words. Just beyond. It’s beautiful.
You who-ah!!
I love that feeling!!
And the points, they’d cover plenty on me. It’s all in what you have (or don’t have) to cover. 🙂
Yes! I know exactly what you mean about the creative process having one vision in your head, and coming out differently on the page. I do paint, and have the same thing happen. Sometimes it becomes a happy accident, and sometimes, simply ends in frustration.
Your FBS is georgous! I’m sure you’ll be the “belle of the ball”!
It looks stunning in the blocking pictures. I can’t wait to see pics of you wearing it.
Seriously, if you ever decide you don’t like it, I’ll take that in a heartbeat.
ahhh, what an AMAZING feeling!!!! And it DOES look incredible Cara — amazing!! 🙂
it is an incredible knit and you will look gorgeous.
i return the favor and send the vibes for the dress your way 🙂
People will ask you where you bought it – they’ll be stunned that they can meet someone in person who made it. Make sure you’re ready with an amount if someone asks you how much it would cost to make one for them – $3000 or something. Or higher, depending on the exact derogatory monikers G used!