I guess that’s not entirely true. I knit like one round on a sock in the morning while G was in my office. That didn’t last long and I could barely get my fingers to move.
I will have time to knit tomorrow. Because all my work will be done? Because it’s finally time for some holiday cheer? Why no. Thanks for thinking it though. I have to go down to Philly for a funeral. One of my father’s oldest and closest friends died and my sisters and I are going to the funeral to support him. He’s worked very closely with the man for forty some odd years and while it feels good to support my father (he’s not an easy one to take care of) I’m sad about the circumstances. So there will be train knitting.
But that’s two days I’m out of commission. Two days. I don’t sleep anymore. When I do crawl into bed I dream about all the things I need to be doing. Not very restful.
That said, Jaywalker updates might be late. And Showcase #3 might be late. I don’t know what I’ll be able to get done at my sister’s. If the goods arrive today, the Showcase will go on as planned. If not, we might have to wait until Sunday. And the updates, well, they’ll come soon. Maybe Friday. Maybe not.
I have to publicly flog myself now. It’s all about Sockapal2za. If you remember, I made these great socks for Leslie. (I say they were great not because they were actually great, but because I had such a great time knitting them. Great pattern, great yarn, great recipient – what’s not to love?!) Anyway, I sent my socks out and Leslie was wonderfully grateful and I sat back and waited for my own pair. Which never came. Yeah. I got shafted. But not one to complain about an all around good experience, I let Alison know that I never heard from my pal or received any socks. And I volunteered to be a sock angel. I was given my sock angel’s information and I started thinking about what socks to make her. Honestly, I wasn’t in a rush. Alison didn’t give a deadline (that’s NOT an excuse) and I was doing other things.
And then I received a package. This package was addressed to me and inside was another package, completely sealed, addressed to someone else. Well, the address was kind of ripped off but it was clear the package was going to someone else. Inside this second, sealed package was a pair of socks, and some sock yarn. And a note. The note, addressed to someone other than me, basically said this was the first and last socks that the gifter would be knitting (you could gather it wasn’t a good experience) and that here they were. Sorry they were late.
These were my angel socks.
I was pissed. I never blogged about it. It was what it was and that’s how things can go in these exchanges. If it had been me, I would’ve at least unwrapped the original package and somehow personalized it for the new recipient. How hard would that have been? I have to admit, it soured me. I like to think I’m immune to these things – I mean the whole secret pal thing is akin to lending money – you can’t expect ANYTHING back. But this felt sort of like a slap in the face. I got something, but how crappy is that? I let it affect me. I let the bad feelings seep into my own feelings about knitting a pair of socks for someone else. Because I was disappointed, I ended up disappointing my angel.
When I finally got my act together, I couldn’t figure out a pattern. I cast on a bunch of times. Poured over sock patterns. Nothing felt right. And by then I was starting the whole Jaywalker kick and my knitting time had become very precious and I couldn’t bear to knit for someone else. I suck. I know.
Long story short, I’ve been dismissed as a sock angel. How awful is that? I feel really, really bad about it. Really bad. I don’t like to disappoint. EVER. And when I say I’m going to do something, I DO IT. I guess there’s a first for everything. Here’s a public apology to Alison: I’m sorry for dropping the ball. To Lisa: I’m sorry for disappointing you YET again. And a huge thank you to the Sock Angel that picked up my slack. I owe you one. Thank you.
Please don’t leave comments telling me how great I am or how I’m really a nice person or I didn’t mean it – think about it. If you were in Lisa’s shoes, you’d be sad and disappointed and maybe have some not so nice thoughts about knitters and people who don’t live up to their promises. I certainly did when I was disappointed. It is what it is. We all make mistakes. I know this doesn’t make me a bad person. Or even a good person for owning up to it. I just feel bad I flaked. Done. Besides I want to be in Sockapal3za and I don’t want any bad karma hanging over me.
Back to work. People keep counting down to this wretched holiday, but it doesn’t seem to be getting any closer. There’s still so much to do. Bah humbug!
My first post to you – I found you cruising Carrieoke’s “links I like”. It does suck to get blown off like that and it is hard to NOT let that stuff color our life for a few moments/hours/days/weeks – but we all get over it and keep on going. I’ve yet to join into sock-a-longs and the sharing stuff BUT it does sound as if you’ve normally had good experiences so I’ll take that part and maybe join in one soon! Have a merry Christmas. You and your sisters ARE great to support your dad by attending this funeral so enjoy your family while they’re close.
That’s the trouble with this SP thing… It’s hard to feel enthusiastic and giving toward your giftee when your gifter has, well, sucked. I’ve been a good SP, though I owe an angel gift and a reveal gift this month (and the end of the month is soon at hand), but my original SP completely flaked and it soured me on the whole process. I out a lot of time & effort into my gifts, and though I realize my gifter was busy, she was STARTING A NEW YARN STORE. Which means she probably had yarn at hand and the UPS guy coming every day. She keeps promising to send stuff but never doing it.
Eh. We all let things slide that we shouldn’t. Hopefully we all make up for it eventually in other ways we might not even know.
Mistakes are made and moved past. But hey, have you received my package? It should have gotten there by now.
And this here entry reminds me of the exact reason you are my friend. Brutal Honesty Man.
Kudos for coming forward and talking about not doing what you set out to do. It takes a courage to confront your failures publicly.
Your honesty is completely refreshing. People sometimes forget that the whole point of these things is that they’re (supposed) to be fun. I’m really sorry that you got the crappy end of the stick, but I know know know that karma’s got your back. And if it doesn’t? Well, I’ll be right there too. Take care!
that does totally stink and i am taken in by your honesty. i would be so pissed off if i felt like my gifter just haphazzeredly did that. what’s worse getting something like that or nothing at all? (i guess both options blow.) sorry! you are a good daughter to be there for your dad, no matter what.
It takes a very big grrl to admit to being a flake. Many of us have flaked out on things and it doesn’t feel good, that’s true. Life is so overwhelming this time of year and plans don’t often work out. (Things get thrown in, like funerals, that weren’t in the plan). Do what you can to make things work for you. At least you have that one thing of your list and no reason to sweat it any longer. Now you can focus on others that are more important.
Big hug…even if it doesn’t help it makes me feel good;-)
Brutal honesty is right. Kudos to you for coming forward to admit it. I am the world’s worst procrastinator, so I know about letting things slide. (My brutal honesty bit: why haven’t I heard from you? I will let you slide on the whole philosophy book thing though… 😉 )
Hmm. 1. You did knit for your pal. 2. You did get disappointed because someone else made a promise to knit for you and they didn’t do it! 3. That really sucks. 4. It ruined your attitude about being a sock angel. 5. I hope the person that didn’t knit for you had a very good reason, but then again, maybe it’s cause they were too poor to buy sock yarn or their dog died or they lost their job or their car broke down on the way to the yarn shop or the post office and it ruined their whole attitude and having a good reason not to send socks to you really was a rotten thing for them. They should’a emailed you about it and explained how much they suck in their own words rather than us just saying how much they suck. But maybe their computer broke or their internet is cut off cause they couldn’t pay their bill for all the secret knitting pal projects they have committed to and spent too much on yarn… and then had a breakdown worrying about it.
Sounds like exactly what would happen to me, and oh well. Gotta let go and move on. (((Hugs)))
I think you’re brave for even trying the Secret Pal thing. My own Postal Impairment keeps me away from those types of things. In my opinion, with you admitting your inner flake instead of sending a double wrapped package with a caustic note inside, proves that your heart is in the right place. 🙂
Hey girlie, shit happens. You’re a brave schmoo to publicly admit that you messed up. Hugs to you! 🙂
as your sock recipient, you are a fabulouooso friend and well if anything with how nice the socks were that you knit me I should send you a pair… truly they are so nice and well I wear them often and think of how wonderful you are. You know that I got burnt the first sock exchange too, in my eyes and well you made it all worth it…..look at it this way….crap happens and well it happens to the best of us, by just reading the comments before mine I can say this…..we are all here for you, we love you, and we have your back.
I’m still confused about the package-inside-a-package thing. Why did the first recipient not keep that package? Anyway, whatever. These things happen. I’ve never been a big fan of secret pal things because in the past (grade school, high school, college, etc.), membership has always been mandatory — sorta takes the joy outta giving doesn’t it? Seems like when it’s on a volunteer basis it would be more successful, but maybe not. Don’t beat yourself up. Everyone misses a deadline now and then….
I’m confused about the package-inside-a-package thing, too. I seem to be missing an essential piece of the puzzle. But anyway, shit happens. You were going above and beyond (if I’m following this?) by offering to be someone’s “angel.”
I read someone’s comment about their pal flaking out and being in a yarn-store startup. That sort of thing is pretty inexcusable in my book! I took part in one exchange where my pal kept writing me to tell me she just had been sooooo busy she hadn’t been able to get to the LYS. But then she’d blog that she’d been on a yarn crawl with a friend — more than once this happened. It’s all about priorities and caring – or NOT.
But in the end, it’s really not that important, is it? Will it end world hunger? Will it cure AIDS? nah.
But you better not flake out in BPs or we’ll be all over your ass, woman! (hee!!!!)
I admire that you owned up to something less than flattering, learned from it, and moved on. That takes maturity and grace, since staying quiet would have been so much easier. Looking forward to seeing your SP3 socks 🙂
I was just thinking about your Sock Pal experience yesterday and wanted to email you to see what your pal thought of those incredible socks you knit! But I didn’t want to beat a dead horse ’cause of your experience. Cara, these things happen–and your heart was in the right place. That counts for something, right?
Everybody fucks up now and then. You put on the Big Girl panties and move on.
Don’t beat yourself up over this sock angel thing. Hey – knitting is a hobby, remember? And you do it because you enjoy it, not to please others. So, chin up!
btw – my jaywalker update is on my site! Thanks!
I whole heartly agree with the comment of
Rock Chick & you all…You go girl, And as that old anonynous say goe’s>>>
The best and most beautiful things in the World cannot be seen nor touched, but are felt in the heart……. (except handmade knit socks)
I admire you for posting your story. As much as it sucks to be be let down by someone, it feels worse to screw something up for someone else because you have some control over your own behavior versus none over someone else’s. I totally fucked something up for someone this fall but I did not have the courage to blog about it. I wish I had been able to do it and do it as eloquently as you did. I can identify with that feeling of knowing that things aren’t working out yet feeling powerless to change them. If anything, I’ve learned a lot about the power of forgiveness, because the person I screwed over (albeit unintentionally) showed me great kindness. It’s a lesson learned.
Ah, crap! I hate it when I do something that I feel bad for.
I”m hugging you. Lots. THAT is what is needed!
xoxo