You know when you wake up with a headache, the day just might suck. Too soon to tell – I have a lot of work today, so hopefully that will keep the demons at bay. Thanks for making me feel like I’m not alone in my craziness.
I’ve lived with anxiety and panic since I was thirteen for sure, but probably earlier. It’s like an addiction – always there – even on the good days. I’ve learned A LOT about it over the years – it all has to do with control. The last few weeks I’ve been making some emotional breakthroughs (baby/infertility stuff mostly) and when I get very emotional I have a very nasty habit of hiding it with rationalizations. I’m not sure about you, but feelings CANNOT be rationalized. And when I can’t rationalize, I panic. It’s as simple or as complex as that. So I’ve let myself go a little. It’s okay – I’m figuring things out. Incredibly hard things, for sure, but stuff that needs to get worked out. I need to be patient with myself and kind to myself and let myself be sad, so I’m working on that too. In the meantime, I’ve got good friends/family who will listen, a shrink who’s kid I’ve put through college already and the greatest husband/best friend a girl could have. And blog buddies who don’t think it’s (TOO) crazy to buy 87 different kinds of self-striping sock yarn. Thanks for that, by the way! (My favorite, so far, is the Trekking Crazy Stripes. I LOVE the colors and the feel of the yarn. It’s all I can do to not cast on RIGHT THIS MINUTE!)
For all of you who asked about where I got the sock yarn from – I googled Cotton Surf or Trekking Crazy Stripes. The three places I bought from were The Knitter (they were super friendly over the phone), The Knitting Zone and Carodan Farms. Hope that helps! Have fun. (Oh and don’t say I didn’t warn you!)
Some progress was made yesterday on the FBS. I finished another repeat. My goal is at least one repeat a day. We’ll see. I’m at nine repeats now and I want to go to 16 or 17 for the large shawl. Or maybe 15 or 16. I’m surprised at how fast the lace row goes (right side). The purl rows seem to take forever. I’m usually a little faster on the purl side. And I hate strongly dislike the first couple rows of the repeat. I don’t like the k2togs or the ssks, so I’m trying to get that first row done on the next repeat. Couldn’t do it last night, but that’s my goal. It’s good to have goals.
Yesterday I was organizing around here a little bit and accidentally deleted two posts. One was the picture of me in the Israeli Army. Don’t worry, they’re back. Apparently when you delete a post it’s deleted from your database, but not from your server. So I was able to cut and past them no problem. The thing I don’t have is all your wonderful comments. They’re there, on my server, but I’d have to cut and paste them all back in. I might. Not today. But I might. Anyway, be careful out there. When’s the last time you backed up all your stuff?
Another one for Norma – go see how her garden grows!
You can NEVER have too much yarn, sock yarn or even self-striping sock yarn.
Row 1 of FBS isn’t fun for me either. The rows of the chart are the bonus for getting through it. Can’t wait to see yours…just wait and see how she takes flight in the blocking.
Cara, you’re killing me with these BEAUTIFUL photos!! Is this just a hobby for you?
And the sock yarn…I’ve only made 2 pairs but have accumulated a small *collection* of yarns, too.
I am green with photo envy — your photographs are BEYOND amazing — and there are so many great ones. Not one, not two, but tons. I am happy to get one not-so-blurry shot of a half-made sock 🙂
Hey C 🙂 Thanks for the reminder about backing my stuff up–I always fear that this is going to happen!
Love the cabbage picture–they are so lovely (and yummy!)
Your photos are incredible; I don’t think I’ve told you that before. Hang in there with the anxiety thing. Since I’ve seen it from a medical person’s perspective, I’m sure that people who have never experienced it have no clue how paralyzing it can be.
And sock yarn? I counted mine after your post yesterday. Enough for 95 pairs. At the rate I knit socks, there will be sock yarn for at least the fourth generation that comes after me. I figure it’s cheaper than cocaine.
Me too, me too! on the beautiful pictures. (I just realized how you use your talent to photograph your yarn/projects also. Duh. me!) Enjoy your yarn crawl this weekend!
Stunning photo. I think I asked you what camera you use. What is it?
Beautiful image!!!
I have anxiety issues, too. It’s like I get to a place where I can’t sleep, can’t sit still …. or then I can only sleep, head under the covers. I’m still learning how to deal with my anxiety, but if you come up with some magic, please let me know!!!! LOL
Sock yarn is yummy.
Stay strong and hang in there…I understand the anxiety thing all too well, and I’ve unfortunately passed it along to my 9 year old daughter, so we both can relate…Some days are better than others. We’re like a work in process. I LOVE all the yarn and I’ve purchased from all those websites (what does that tell you — I also have some sock stash). The picture is stunning…hope you day went well 🙂
Hey there, buddy! About the first part of your post, at least you’re brave enough to realize what your anxiety or panic *is*. Seems like some people deal with unhappiness or unease for a long time and aren’t willing or strong enough to work through/with it. Hills and valleys, eh? Me, too. Everyone!
About your crazy sock yarns, I love them!! It’s good to have so many options when you’re ready for a new project.
Funny how that is about the purl side seaming longer. I have read that before, and felt that way myself. Odd. I have so much understanding in the panic/anxiety forum. Whatever, adds some thrill to the whole life thing, doesn’t it?
Oh honey. E-mail me. Been there, tried to rationalize it and couldn’t, panicked A LOT and then went and did a Mind/Body Workshop to get through the infertility bullsh*t without opening a vein.
That is the most gorgeous cabbage I have ever seen.
🙂 big hugs, you terrifically talented sockyarn hoarder, you…