Stolen from Vicki:

TEN random things you might not know about me
1. I bite my nails, but only for grooming purposes, not for nervousness purposes.
2. I don’t like prime numbers and I often add up numbers to make sure they’re ok, i.e. even.
3. I sleep with my blanket, which I’ve had since I was born.
4. I have a collection of erotic fiction. I like the Herotica series best.
5. I was once a PhD student specializing in Theological Existentialism and Kierkegaard, although I really liked Martin Buber too.
6. My parents split up two years ago right after my 34th birthday. Divorce sucks balls for the kids, no matter how old they are when it happens.
7. I once blew out a tire going 95mph on the New Jersey Turnpike. I was probably listening to Bruce.
8. In order to conceive a child, my husband and I must use ART. Please don’t tell me miracles can happen – like if we just relax. I think science IS a miracle.
9. I am a self-taught photographer.
10. I have two nephews, two nieces and two great nieces. Being an Aunt is one of the greatest joys of my life.

NINE places I’ve visited
1. Mackinac Island (once)
2. Yellowstone National Park
3. Ibiza
4. Israel
5. Venice
6. Toledo (the one in Spain)
7. Newfane, Vermont
8. LaQuinta, California
9. The Big Island, Kona Coast.

EIGHT ways to win my heart
1. Indulge my crazinesses.
2. Do the dishes.
3. Laugh at my jokes.
4. Touch my back before I fall asleep at night.
5. Giggle uncontrollably.
6. Sing to me.
7. Look at me that way.
8. (Because I’m NOT easy…) Bring me gummy bears and/or Junior Caramels.

SEVEN things I want to do before I die
1. Have a baby and be a mother.
2. Publish at least one other story.
3. Maybe, if I’m lucky, publish a whole collection of stories. Like, you know, in a book.
4. See The Garden of Earthly Delights by El Bosco, in person, at The Prado. The first time we went it was out being cleaned.
5. Come to a true peace with myself and my anxiety.
6. Hire a chef and have them cook for me and my husband. Fuck our friends! 😉
7. Knit a fair isle short row sweater.

SIX things I’m afraid of
1. Having a baby and being a mother.
2. Flying.
3. Driving by myself out of my comfort zone – which can change at any time.
4. Heights.
5. Small spaces.
6. Bascially anything my sick, twisted mind can dream up to torture me with. So really, myself.

FIVE things I don’t like
1. Fundamentalism in any shape or form. Right, Left, Black, White, any EXTREME.
2. Dishonesty.
3. SUVs.
4. Housework.
5. The horrifically disproportionate sense of entitlement in American Culture.

FOUR ways to turn me off
1. Be unbending.
2. Lie to me.
3. Fake it. Anywhere.
4. Talk to me disrepectfully.

THREE things I do every day
1. Laugh.
2. Tell someone I love them.
3. Hug and be hugged.

TWO things that make me happy
1. Knitting.
2. Being goofy. Goofiness is terribly underated.

ONE thing on my mind right now
1. Georgie. He’s calling me to come to sleep.

Hehehe! Scared you there, didn’t I? C’mon – I don’t have that much. I’ve seen some of your stashes and mine is positively small comparitively. Come out all you Koigu hoarders! I know you’re out there! And don’t be jealous. Really. It’s hard having all that beautiful yarn. Everyday I’m overcome with guilt knowing I can’t knit fast enough – which yarn to choose next – AHHHHH! It’s torture, really. 😉

It may come as a surprise, but yes, I’ve decided that STR and Jaywalker will become (heck, it already is huh!) my signature sock knit. I can’t imagine knitting anything OTHER than the two. I’ve tried. BELIEVE me I’ve tried. I go over and over that Sock Sensation book – Nancy Bush – the Internets – and nothing feels right. Nothing. Last night I wore my Fire on the Mountain Socks – my students have been watching me knit the socks on breaks for the past couple of months and they’ve never seen me WEAR a pair, so last night they had their class debut. Can I tell you, I caught myself not once but TWICE paying more attention to my feet than my students! I LOVE THESE SOCKS! (And based on the comments I know you all do too. It’s good to enable. Especially something this good.) So until Grumperina comes up with an equally fantastic sock pattern – that’s it. That’s all I’m making. (In the sock department – I’d love to knit something else anytime the knit gods are willing.)

Before you try to dissuade me, I gotta tell you, I’m one of those people who finds something she likes and buys one in every color. Shoes. Shirts. And now socks. I’m happy.

So happy in fact, I’m giving stuff away! Before I begin with the big announcement – go on over to Claudia’s and wish her a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Us SUPREME GENII have to stick together.

Some people have birthday week. I’m declaring this birthday MONTH! Today is exactly one month before my birthday! YAY! So, in honor of my birthday, I’m going to hold a contest on every Saturday for the next five Saturdays leading up to my birthday. LUCKY YOU! There are FIVE SATURDAYS between now and Dec 31. (Man that SUCKS for me! Five weeks until my birthday! Crap.) Every prize package will contain yarn. Some of it I will be destashing – sock yarn I will never knit up – see paragraph above – maybe some other yarn – maybe some STR. Maybe a Got Gauge t-shirt. Maybe some Sheep Cards. All good stuff! You gotta be in it to win it, so stayed tuned for announcements. LET THE CELEBRATION BEGIN! YAY!

Devils 3 – Bruins 2

The Devils pulled it out with a stunning goal right out of the face off with literally 30 seconds left in regulation to break the tie. I’ll have to make it up to The Beantown Girls this weekend. Sorry honeys.

Georgie and I had a really fun night. I’ve been to a lot of sporting events in my life and I have to say, hockey is the absolute best to watch in person. On TV, not so much – very hard to keep track of the puck. But there’s nothing like the smell of the ice, the cold, the collective gasps and cheers of the crowd. G used to have a job that allowed us lots of free hockey games – especially in Philly. We had great seats – right behind the Flyer bench and man those games were fun. BEST.SPORTS.EVENT.EVER: We were there, Game 7, when the Devils beat Anaheim in 2003. Oh my god. Never have I had more fun. The screaming didn’t end! There is nothing like Lord Stanley’s Cup. Nothing. I always cry when they bring it out on TV – in person – it was just spectacular.

In the early Seventies, my grandmother was the book keeper for the Philadelphia Blazers. They didn’t last long as a team, but when we were growing up whenever we went to my grandparents we would play office with all of the stationery and stuff from the team – what memories this logo has for me!

There was also this amazing picture of my grandmother and Hockey Legend Bernie Parent. Awesome. I found a Blazers Jersey on ebay – signed by Parent. Hmmm. My birthday’s awfully close – except G says you can’t wear it because you can’t wash it.

The other thing I love about hockey is the ice skating – this may seem kind of obvious, but I defy you to be there, in person, watching those men, so graceful and FAST, and not want to strap on a pair of skates. For awhile I considered taking hockey skating lessons – and maybe joining a league, but I never did. It’s nights like tonight that I really want to again.

Georgie let me knit during the intermissions at the game and guess what? I love my Jaywalker socks. I forgot how much I love the pattern, and especially the yarn. I’m back to the Carbon Socks and it’s just wonderful. The thing that’s so obsessive about these socks for me, as I was telling Jen today, is that is so easy to hit those markers – you know – look how far I’ve gotten, why not keep going? I cast on and do my twelve rows of ribbing and next thing I know I’ve got ten pattern repeats done. Well it’s only another fifteen pattern repeats before it’s time to start the heel. And once you start the heel, you’ve got to finish the gusset. And once you finish the decreases you’re at about 37 repeats – and then it’s only 20 more until you start decreasing the toe – and well – then you’re done. You see what I’m saying? You’re always hitting the next step and how can you stop then? I’m hoping to have this pair finished by the weekend. I want to wear them out with the girls.

I’m blogging tonight, it’s technically Wednesday, because I’m driving G to an appoinment REALLY early tomorrow and when I get home I need to concentrate on classwork. So no blogging for me tomorrow. Besides, by the time FUCKLINES updates me it’ll be around noon anyway!

Have a great day!

Born In The USA (Guitar & Bullet Mic)
Devils & Dust
Atlantic City
Long Time Comin’
Used Car
Frankie (Piano)
Meeting Across The River (Piano)
Johnny 99 (Guitar & Bullet Mic)
Ain’t Got You
Brilliant Disguise (Feat. Patti Scialfa)
Maria’s Bed
Cautious Man
Reno ($200 straight in, $250 up the ASS!)
Two For The Road (Electric Piano)
Drive All Night (Piano)
The Rising
Lucky Town
Jesus Was An Only Son (Piano)
Leah
The New Timer (AutoHarp)
Matamoros Banks
I Want To Marry You (Ukulele)
Thundercrack (Piano)
Born To Run (Guitar)
The Promised Land (Guitar)
Dream Baby Dream

There was no fist pumping, but a lot of hand wringing – but my hand’s okay. It was a very interesting, VERY ENJOYABLE show. It’s amazing the level of intimacy achieved in such a big arena. A lot had to do with the crowd. This is New Jersey. Bruce’s New Jersey. And typically this means that every Born In the USA fair weather idiot who gets drunk and screams BRUUUUUUUCE and Candy’s Room all night long comes out from under their favorite diner rock. Apparently they got the memo because they all stayed home. I’m sure that Bruce’s rules contributed to this as well: all concessions closed 10 minutes prior to the show starting and remained closed throughout. You know what this means – no beer runs during the songs you don’t know. Everyone stayed in their seats too. Barely any BRUUUUUUCING (okay – I did it once or twice, but only between songs.)

The man was VERY loose last night. He was laughing and joking and telling stories and it was like (I imagine) the old days. He experimented with every instrument known to man – including some god awful horrid bullet mic contraption that completely distorted all vocals. It was pretty funny – there was a guy a few rows in front of us who got that he was playing Born In the USA about 3/4 of the way through and started getting all excited. The best way to explain it was he sounded like Darth Vader with a horrible head cold. Georgie and I laughed every time he brought it out.

Highlights for me – well, he played Drive All Night. I told G before the show that I didn’t care if he was sitting with me during the show, but if he played Drive All Night, he needed to be sitting next to me and holding my hand. He did – and we held so tightly to each other probably the most hand damage occured during that song. I won’t lie to you – we both cried. I, personally, wept silently as my heart beat so fast and the tears just fell from my face. He never ceases to amaze me – it’s as close to religion as I get these days. There was a red light on stage as he sat at the piano and it was aimed directly for our box, so we were bathed in a red light. This is very significant because whenever we’re in traffic at night G always tells me how much he loves looking at me in a red tail light (apparently the distortion brings out my beauty 😉 ) and it was like we were in the car and Bruce was singing to us and we were bathed in a red light of love. Laugh if you want, but that’s how it was. It was worth the entire night to hear that song. Actually, it was worth a lot more than that because honestly in my whole life I never thought I’d witness it live. Thank you. Thank you Bruce so much. You made us a very happy couple last night.

Other highlights – Meeting Across the River at the piano. My god he seemed so happy after the song. HUGE smile on his face because he knew he NAILED it! It was so beautiful. Born to Run – sung slow and quiet and more powerful than any stadium anthem has a right to sound. For you afficianados out there – think the Chimes of Freedom version. When Max was a baby I was listening to this version of BTR a lot and I would rock him to sleep and sing it to him.

Funny one – Bruce says he’s going to play his favorite song from Tunnel of Love – and G and I get really, really excited. This was my first Bruce album ever and G used to sing it to me all the time and there are so many beautiful songs on there and we’re thinking will it be this one, that one and then he plays Cautious Man and G and I start totally laughing because it’s like the only song on the album we don’t like and always skip over! Talk about disappointed!

He played the pornographic RENO and a song about anal, prostitutes and fellatio never sounded so incredibly beautiful. It was full of sadness and emotion and it was really good. Also good was the guy next to us who brought his young son who was FULL of questions after that one. HAHAHAHAHA! Bruce was all about the swear words last night too and after a particularly FUCK filled monologue the kid asked his dad – does that mean he’s pissed off? Pissed off doesn’t even begin to cover it, kid.

During The Promised Land you could literally hear a pin drop. It was that quiet. I’ve never heard a crowd so quiet in my life. It was beautiful. Comfortable. Intimate. I never wanted it to end.

https://januaryone.com/blog/post_4/

It’s all Bruce all the time here these days so if you’re one of those people that thinks Born In the USA equals Joisey Fat assholes and Ronald Reagan – GET THE FUCK OUT! 😉

Tonight Bruce and I will be in the same room. Yes. I’m well aware that the “room” I’m talking about has the capacity to hold 20,000 people, but whatever. WE WILL BE IN THE SAME ROOM. Look, I know that you think I’m bit over the edge about this and you’re not the only ones – my family and friends make fun of me on a daily basis (well not just about the Bruce thing, but you know. Ann? Ann is that you?)

I thought, given the anniversary and all and the fact that WE WILL BE IN THE SAME ROOM tonight I’d tell you the story of me and Bruce. It’s a love story to be sure. Ah hem. Here it goes.

Me & Bruce, Milan, November, 1995.
2gether 4ever!

I’ve said before that my taste in music has generally been governed by the man in my life. It’s not that I don’t like music, it’s just that it’s never been a driving force – not the way books have been. I mean, you want a book to read, you come to me. Want some music, well, I don’t know. So anyway, I started dating George. And guess what? He had a car! This may not seem like a big deal, but I came from a car based society (pseudo-Suburban Philly) and moved to New York City where no one drove anything. At all. G lived in NJ and had a car and he’d take me out to the malls in Jersey which was like a sort of homecoming for me. And we’d drive to Atlantic City and just anywhere. And he’d have music in the tape player. One of the tapes he had in A LOT of the time was Tunnel of Love. My first Bruce experience. (Which is kind of odd, I know, being that Bruce is HUGE in Philly – but I was into the Dead then. You know. It was a guy thing.)

Anyway, we’d drive around and he’d sing me the sad love songs on TOL and I was falling and falling and falling very, very hard. For both of them.

Georgie used to love to pull out a song (and it wasn’t just Bruce – this guy likes ALL music and isn’t afraid to show it) and say listen to this…and listen I did. He always knew right how to get me – with the words of course, since I’m a word girl, and the music and he’d sing and I was a goner. Gone, gone, gone! I’ll never forget the night I first heard Drive All Night. We were driving home – we may have been living together already – and we were going through the toll booths on the Jersey Tpke and G said listen to this song like he always did and we were listening to The River and I heard this:

When I lost you honey sometimes I think I lost my guts too
And I wish God would send me a word
send me something I’m afraid to lose
Lying in the heat of the night like prisoners all our lives
I get shivers down my spine and all I wanna do is hold you tight

CHORUS
I swear I’ll drive all night just to buy you some shoes
And to taste your tender charms
And I just wanna sleep tonight again in your arms

Tonight there’s fallen angels and they’re waiting for us down in the street
Tonight there’s calling strangers,
hear them crying in defeat.
Let them go, let them go, let them go,
do their dances of the dead (let’em go right ahead)
You just dry your eyes girl, and c’mon c’mon
c’mon let’s go to bed, baby, baby, baby

CHORUS

There’s machines and there’s fire waiting on the edge of town
They’re out there for hire but baby they can’t hurt us now
Cause you’ve got, you’ve got, you’ve got,
you’ve got my love, you’ve got my love
Through the wind, through the rain, the snow, the wind, the rain
You’ve got, you’ve got my, my love
heart and soul

For those of you who’ve never heard this song, when he sings heart and soul, it’s a wailing howling gut wrenching pull out your heart and see it beating bloody and battered in your hand kind of sound. Sigh. How could you not fall in love with these men?! I ask you – HOW COULD YOU NOT FALL IN LOVE?!

When I saw Bruce for the first time, it was in the Summer of ’92. Georgie and I were already living together in the Swamps of Jersey and Bruce was with the “other” band and I didn’t give a shit because all I wanted to hear was Because the Night and G said he’d never play it and then he did and I almost died. I shit you not, when I got home from that concert, my left hand was completely swollen and black and blue through the middle because I had it clenched in a fist all night long which I proceeded pump without stopping from the time the lights went down until the lights went back up again. I was completely hoarse from screaming. We were laughing about it the other day and G shook his head and said he had never seen anything like my hand after that concert. And this guy was at Bond’s when The Clash played and the riot broke out.

Over the years, it’s gotten really, really bad. I’m usually in tears through the first few songs. I have to take a Xanax. There’s a short list of songs that when I hear them I cry no matter where they are in the setlist. Literally. And then there’s the list of songs (really, just two) that if I ever got a chance to hear in concert I’d probably faint dead away. I think I might get that chance tonight. The first is The Fever, and while he’s played it in concert more recently than not (maybe even on this tour), it’s few and far between and usually reserved for Philly. The second is Drive All Night. He played it the other night in Philly for the first time in 24 years and G told me about it and I managed to get the mp3 bootleg from that night (if you want to hear it email me) and it’s Bruce all alone at the piano and I cried real tears when I heard it. Bruce has played it every show since. Tonight’s the last night on the tour. I may have to take two Xanax. To be standing with G when Bruce starts playing this song might be too much to bear.

Some of you asked how Georgie feels about my feelings for Bruce and while he thinks I’m a bit nuts, he does feel the same way – or at least as much as he can feel about another man, a man with whom his wife happens to be obsessed. Trust me. If Bruce plays Drive All Night tonight, G’ll be a little choked up himself.

Our seats won’t be so good – we’re actually in a suite with Corporate types and G’s warned me a milion times that these people won’t care and they will talk and be obnoxious and ruin the evening for me. It doesn’t matter. I’ll be the same room with my one true love and the man that helped seal the deal.

I broke the comments on my other Bruce post because somehow I triggered the SPAM filter with my craziness. Hopefully that won’t happen here.

Can you believe I didn’t open the 30th Anniversary Special SUPER FUCKING FANTASTIC OH MY GOD I’M DYING HERE Commerative Edition of Born To Run until 10:30 last night? Yeah. I’m crazy like that. I waited for Georgie to watch with me. So far we’ve watched the concert and a little bit of the documentary and my verdict?

It’s better than porn. I swear to you – I was actually physically turned on. And you know what – NO KNITTING TOOK PLACE DURING THE WATCHING. That right there should be a clue.

All I have to say, really, is that it’s a good thing I was five years old when this record came out and this tour took place because if I had been say, sixteen? Or a little tiny bit younger or a tiny bit older I would’ve have tracked Bruce down and made him my boyfriend. Even though I love Darkness more as an album, and I still think Bruce is super super beyond crazy sexy in the Darkness era – he seems to be in a bit of psychological pain – the romance is off the bloom so to speak and there are warning lights flashing everywhere – this guy’s been HURT. He will HURT you back. (And he probably still loves the other girl – I mean c’mon! He’s willing to Prove It All Night and everything!)

But the BTR Bruce? He’s the one. He’s dirty in that way that drives you CRAZY. With the hair and the beard and the skinny yet super strongness. You just KNOW he smells good. Not good like all clean good but earthy and real and like a man should smell when he’s been up on stage for 31/2 hours. And of course, we meet down the shore and I look like I did here and we sit in diners with all the guys and we’re in a booth and Bruce has his arm over my shoulders and I’m HIS! But deep down I know there’s a world of hurt waiting for me because when we’re alone, he’s busy writing and when I try to get close to him he says “Not now. Can’t you see I’m working?”

And during the shows when all the other girls hang out backstage I like to sit with the audience because when I see him up there with his eyes closed howling in the blue light with all that passion and love and intensity I KNOW he’s singing about me. I KNOW that I’m Terry and Wendy and Janey and Rosie and he loves me he loves me he loves me.

I beg of you – if you want to see a man, no – a genius – at the beginning of what it’s all going to be, watch this concert. Rent it, steal it – get it anyway you can. You won’t be disappointed. I PROMISE.

Here’s a comic that sums up how I feel – and I’m the luckiest woman in the world cause I only had to wait 20 years to find exactly this BOY!

ETA: Something happened to this post – I think it triggered the spam filter or something – and I can’t get the comments to work. If you’d like to comment, please do so on another post from today. Thanks!

Without further ado – a few Halloween pictures:

We’ve got Darth Vader, The Butterfly Princess and The Cutest Baby In The World. Any questions? 😉

Last night was fun – if anything, though, it made me profoundly sad that I’m not writing anymore. I think about it all the time and it weighs on me. The women who read, Deborah Eisenberg and Jayne Ann Phillips, said some interesting things about their process and what their writing life is like. They both agreed that writing is awful – it’s extraordinarily hard and boring most of the time and it’s something you have to force yourself to do. I completely agree. They also said they were lucky because they basically weren’t good at anything else so there wasn’t much competition for their time. BINGO. I don’t want to be good at anything else. I only want to be good at writing. But, fortunately or unfortunately my weekends say otherwise. I’m now double booked with photography jobs – shoots in the morning, shoots in the afternoon – and I’m happy about that. Don’t get me wrong. (Amazed is more like it!) I’ve always said – if you take away my camera tomorrow I will be extremely sad. But I’ll live. If you told me I’d never write another story – I’d be heartbroken. Devastated. I MUST DO IT! I MUST WRITE! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!

Did I ever tell you the story about how I used to tape a note to myself on my alarm clock? It said “How badly do you want to be a writer?” And I’d set the alarm for 5AM or something ungodly like that and try to wake up before my 9-5 job. Never worked. I’m not a morning person. At 5PM – That’s when I write best. Or mid-day. You can’t bully yourself into the process. That’s the lesson. But I’m going to try. An hour. Just sit there. Don’t do anything else. You don’t have to write. But you have to sit there. NO EXCUSES!

I’ve got something else painful to talk about: K1R2. I’ve let it lapse completely. I’m very sorry about that. I just can’t do it right now. I’ve got some feelers out about people taking it over temporarily, and I hope to have it fully functional come the New Year, but for now – it looks like I might have to shut it down for a bit. I’d hate to think it’s gone forever. Maybe a new incarnation? Something more self-sufficient? Message Boards with lots of discussions going on at once? We’ll see. I am sorry though. No formal announcements have been made as of yet – that’s why the post here. But I fear it’s coming. And soon.

How’s that for a cheery note to end the week? I am so busy I can’t think straight. My house is in CHAOS. I might not get to run today after all. AHHHHH! Januaryone can’t come fast enough!

L, C