Everyone who ordered notecards – they went out today! I spent the whole day boxing and labeling and I hope you’re thrilled. It turns out I have about 30 boxes left, so I’m putting up the For Sale sign one more time.

Palette Blank NoteCards

Box of eight press printed notecards. 5″x7″ glossy card stock. Blank inside. Envelopes included with each box. All cards in box are the same. $4.50 shipping and handling charge added to each purchase. Quantities are limited.

Thank you! I promise this blog will not turn into a look what I’m selling this week blog. If I sell the notecards again, I will be giving them their own site. I’m thinking of doing the sheep cards press printed as well and maybe some other series. That won’t happen until the new year so this is it. Thank you for your patience.

I’ve got no pictures for you because it’s dark out and I’m just sitting down to do stuff. I sincerely apologize for all of the lost weekends out there because of my last post. I won’t link to it or the game lest I be accused of getting people fired, losing their jobs, or ruining their home lives. I managed to get to level 28 and then I got stuck. And then I stopped going back to it. I think I will try again, but for now I’m satiated. Snood isn’t really doing it for me lately either.

And Ariann is freaking killing me! Don’t get me wrong – I’ve written a lot lately about putting things down when you are not satisfied with a project and the pain I’m feeling with Ariann is absolutely NOT that. This is oh my god when are the sleeves going to end pain. I’m still completely enamored with the finished product and the more I see of Ariann around the blogs the more I love it. That said, I’m still not done with the sleeves. I worked on them all day yesterday hoping to get them finished and I did complete all of the increases, but I still have like three inches to go to get to what the pattern states and then I’m going to tack on a few repeats because of my short row gauge. And then I was measuring the body again and it somehow shrunk so I’ve got a few repeats on that as well. My new goal is to somehow get all the knitting on the sleeves and the body done tonight and join it together so that when I’m sitting in the hospital all day tomorrow I will have something exciting to keep me occupied. I’ll be bringing an unfinished sock as well in case I can’t concentrate.

Tomorrow is G’s surgery and I won’t be blogging. Chances are we’ll be leaving pretty early for the hospital and a lot of the day will be hurry up and wait. I will try to update when I can – we probably won’t have any news good or bad for a while yet.

Thank you for your continued good wishes.
L, C

We went to the Cancer Hospital today which is possibly the saddest place on Earth. But everyone is extra friendly which somehow makes it sadder. Like you have to get cancer for humans to extend a bit of courtesy and warmth. I know that’s not really true but sometimes it feels like that. And yes I’m still a little bit bitter.

Next Tuesday G will have surgery to remove a wide area around the lesion (he’s calling it his pound of flesh) and at the same time they will biopsy the lymph nodes where the melanoma may have spread. The doctor we saw today told us we have every reason to be very optimistic that it hasn’t spread, so that’s what we’re going to be. If it hasn’t spread, that’s it. It’s done. There’s nothing more to do except be vigilant with sunscreen for the rest of his VERY LONG life. If it has spread, well, then, that opens up a whole other can of worms but we’re not going to go there. If the expert doctor told us to be optimistic then there’s no reason NOT to be. We won’t know the results of the biopsy for around two weeks.

Which leaves me about a week before my birthday. G’s been asking me if there’s anything I want for my birthday and I told him that the only thing I will ever want for the rest of my birthdays is for our family to be healthy. But this year especially for HIM to be healthy. That’s all I want. There was a question in the comments about where to send me a birthday present – thank you so much for thinking of me, but no presents are necessary. If you INSIST on doing something for my birthday, please consider a donation to the Skin Cancer Foundation or a charity of your choice. That would be the best present ever – besides my husband being healthy.

Thank you all for your comments on yesterday’s post. I’m in awe of all of you! There is so much to learn from each other if only we could get over our own hangups – you know? Remind me next time to tell you about the summer I thought I should be admitted to a mental hospital – now that’s a DOOZY! 😉

Off to knit more sleeves….

Super humoungous out of control points to whomever can name the song I mangled for today’s title. Seriously. You will get huge props here at January One.

Sooooo. Where was I? Oh yeah. Coming off possibly the worst weekend of my life, we now have no more information than we did when we started. Well, that’s not exactly true. We’re a bit less worried that the melanoma has spread throughout his body – basically because he’s had a chest x-ray and blood work up the wazoo in the past 30 days and not one test came back abnormal – so we’re taking that as a good sign. Please don’t tell me to think otherwise. I beg of you. Also, the lesion they removed was 1.4mm which in melanoma terms is not fantastic, but it’s not super bad either. Although we have reason to believe it’s probably thicker than that because the melanoma had spread to the margins. Bottom line is that he’s got an appointment at Sloane-Kettering next Wednesday and hopefully we’ll know more then. The next step is a sential node mapping and only then will we have the information we’ll need. I don’t know when that will be scheduled.

For the next week, or until we know something definitively, we’re trying to get back to normal. As normal as normal can be once Cancer has stepped into your life. Adapt or die. And dying is absolutely NOT an option.

What’s normal for me? I’m still working, which is good. Keeping me busy. And my house is an absolute disaster, so I have some huge cleaning/organizing projects to look forward to now that G won’t be home from the surgery – or at least not the surgery we thought he’d be home from. And knitting. Blessed, blessed knitting. I picked up the Casino shawl a few days ago and managed to work through about ten rows slowly. I like it pretty well, but it’s still very hard to see the pattern emerging – I haven’t even finished one repeat yet – and the rows are very long.

Today, though, after reading Margene’s post, I became obsessed with Ariann! I’m hoping to use some Jo Sharp I’ve got in the stash, but I’m not sure and of course I want to cast on RIGHT NOW. I can’t imaging anything better than wrapping myself in a soft sweater. I wish it was done already.

Thank you all for your comments and concern and love. It means so much to us. For right now, though, I’d like to get back to my crazy fucked up kind of normal. Next time I know anything, I’ll be sure to share.

L, C

It’s officially official. I HATE Thanksgiving. Hate it. Will never ever never enjoy it again.

Four years ago on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, G and I found out that we would have an incredibly difficult time getting pregnant.

I thought I hated Thanksgiving then, but now the deal’s been sealed.

My beloved husband won’t be having surgery on Monday to fix his damaged hip – the one that gives him so much pain sometimes he can’t sleep at night. Why won’t he be having this surgery? Because he has Skin Cancer. We found out today, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, that the lesion he had removed last week is Melanoma.

You know what? I’m not thankful. I’m not thankful that my young beautiful courageous generous adoring husband will have to face yet another physical battle. I’m not thankful at all.

I give thanks every single day that I’m lucky enough to spend my days with this man. Why should I have to separate out a special day to do that? Especially a day that gives me no thanks back.

Bitter? You bet. And I’m not going to apologize for it.

I’m closing the comments on this post because honestly I can’t deal with all the good wishes and stories about this person or that person who survived the mole they had removed above their ear. I want to feel badly and I want to cry and I want to go and hold my husband.

I’ll be back on Saturday to sell shit, because, well Daddy needs another new doctor.

I am thankful for one thing, though, and that’s you. Thank you for reading my blog.

Something’s wrong with me. I’ve been working so hard, so efficiently it’s like I’m a shark and if I stop somehow I’ll die. Stress has pushed my normal waking time back an hour and stretched my bedtime to the wee hours. I’m crazed; last night I actually did something so productive, so pre-emptive that I’m beginning to scare myself. For each job I send out, I wrap up the box top that the album I give with the photo package comes in (it’s got a big label on the box and the box is black and the label’s white and it’s an odd size box precluding me from buying plain empty boxes so this is the best way I’ve found to cover the label.) It’s sort of a pain – something I usually leave until the last minute and then rush to get the job out and spend all day preparing stuff and I always say I should really take one day and wrap all the boxes so I can just pull one off the shelf, etc. etc. LAST NIGHT I WRAPPED TEN BOXES. This is unheard of in my little world. I’m actually prepared for a change.

And not only am I working hard to get everything done, but I’m churning out some of the BEST work I’ve ever produced. Photographs that make me feel incredibly proud of my work. Like I’m not some faker with a camera. I wish I could show you some of my stuff, but I don’t really feel comfortable with that – I do photograph kids for my living and every picture I show has a signed model release behind it. I take this Internet stuff seriously.

I’ve got three more shoots this weekend and then another incredible push to get the work out next week and then my season is essentially over. I won’t be shooting anymore. I really wish we could just cancel Thanksgiving. It would make my life SO much easier. SO MUCH. As it is I think I might just be running down to Philly for dinner and coming right back up. I’ve got ten days to get as much done as I can. Ten days. And my house is in incredibly bad shape. That needs to be taken care of before G comes home from the hospital.

Knitting is non-existant. My poor Casino shawl lies in it’s half tinked-back row state where I left it LAST Friday. Yesterday I sat in two doctors’ offices, a hospital waiting area and the DMV and I didn’t take out my knitting once – even though I had two socks and the shawl with me. Yes, folks, it’s come to this. I’d rather stare at the walls at the DMV than knit. It’ll come back – there will be lots and lots of knitting time next month.

Yesterday also marked a new day in my relationship with my husband. I had to give him an injection – and I’m gearing up to give him the next one shortly. The doctors want him to take Procrit for the next ten days to boost his hemoglobin before surgery as a precautionary measure against blood transfusions during and after surgery. His hemoglobin is normally a bit low due to Thalassemia – a condition prevalent among Meditteranean types, i.e. Greeks and Italians. (Specifically he has Beta Thalassemia Minor.) So I’m giving him shots. Good thing I’m an old pro at it having given myself shots for the IVF. They’re little insulin needles – barely a prick, but still. I never thought I’d ever have to do this. The doctor told us this is what the athletes take when they do blood doping. That made G feel a little bit better about it.

And just so you don’t think it’s all fun and games over here – there’s an emotional element as well. I think I might be working so hard – working so freaking efficiently and single-mindedly – to keep my fears at bay. The other night it didn’t work so well. I was multi-tasking in bed – writing lists of all the things I need to get done before the 27th and while simultaneously editing Yarnival! when suddenly I remembered I needed a shower. (Yeah. That’s how bad it’s gotten.) So I flipped back the bed covers and headed to the shower. When I got back to bed I discovered that I left a hot pink sharpie open on the bed.

My brand new midnight blue duvet cover and my gorgeous new down comforter were covered in hot pink ink. I literally became hysterical. I haven’t cried that hard since the summer. 😉 Georgie came running into the bedroom thinking I was dying or something and he was so upset that I was so upset which only made me more upset. This just about killed me. The next day I went out and bought a new duvet cover. Excessive maybe, but it made me feel so much better. The stained one will go on the guest bed. The down comforter, well, now it matches the old comforter which had a huge ketchup stain on it. Don’t ask. I’m consoling myself with the fact that it probably didn’t ruin the down and the comforter will always be inside a duvet. Still, though, I want to cry everytime I see it. Judge my drama not, less you leave a sharpie open on your bed.

Posts will probably be sporadic at best for the next couple of weeks. I’m afraid that sitting in the OR waiting room will be the first time I actually stop moving in weeks. I just hope I can knit.

DUDES!!! I KICKED ASS yesterday work-wise. KICKED IT! Seriously worked hard and saw RESULTS for it. So today, since I’ve got nothing knit wise (I haven’t picked up the sticks in a couple of days, to be honest) I thought I’d show where my butt will be plastered from this second until they wheel G into the operating room.

This is my messy, messy desk:

Snood baby! I did not play Snood in college, or graduate school. Well, that’s not true – I played in my last stint in graduate school. And I have to say, contrary to ruining my life, Snood has helped me in many ways. I’m like Dr. B. in the comments yesterday. She said it helped her through school because it centered her – for me it’s a really great way to open my mind a bit and relax. I used to play one or two games before I would start writing. In a zen sort of way, I would forget all about Snood and start the writing process before I ever opened up the word processing program. Admittedly, it has gotten out of hand once or twice, and for the longest time I wasn’t playing at all. But then I stopped visiting certain websites that caused me much grief (fertility stuff) and since then I’ve had some free computer time so I’ve picked up Snood again. Yesterday I upgraded. That new Armageddon level is a bitch.

I almost forgot – here’s my calendar shot for Deb:

BOOOORING! But necessary. Got to keep track of stuff.

Georgie knows this guy (and when I say know I mean has played tennis with him once or twice – you’ll see why I make this designation in a minute. It’s not like they’re friends or anything.) who developed Deep Vein Thrombosis. Know how he got it? By sitting at his computer for hours on end playing online poker. (You see now why I said Georgie just knows the guy, not really KNOWS the guy? L O S E R.) So my superfantastic friend Ann has taken to calling me every fifteen minutes to tell me to stretch my legs a bit. Her whining concern coupled with the 8 gallons of water I’ve been drinking are making it hard for me to sit still.

She really has nothing to worry about because I rarely stay in one position for long. I try to start out at my desk like this:

But quickly move to this position:

Although most of the time I sit like this:

I want you to know, I put shorts on just for you. 😉
Back to the grind. Don’t forget. YARNIVAL! tomorrow.

Last night I dreamed that I had been elected to the Senate AND the House of Representatives (yes – at the same time – my dream ego is large) but I had to turn them both down because I have too many pictures to process.

Suffice it to say, I’m really busy. Things have kicked into HIGH GEAR at little old CDC Photography and I’m trying really hard to get most things done by 11/27. Which means there are abandoned knits strewn willy nilly all through my house. I tried seaming up some of my squares from the other day, and turns out? I suck at garter stitch seams. In my defense the fact that these seams were knit on the bias might have something to do with that. (By the way, thank you all so much for your support of my crazy projects. It means a lot to me that I can share this stuff with you. Georgie is patient and says the right thing, but somehow I don’t think he really cares about whether to increase every row or every other row, or whether or not you should slip the first stitch. And god help me – don’t ask him about color.) I started back on the Casino shawl and got to the end of row 1 and realized that I had made a mistake somewhere because I have an extra stitch. I found the mistake about a 1/4 way INTO the row. Did I mention there are 300 stitches on the needles? I tinked back about halfway and then had to do something else so it’s still sitting there. Untinked and unknit.

Half knit socks are everywhere. It’s quite sad.

I understand now why I went crazy with the Jaywalker at this time last year. IT WAS EASY! I could knit those socks in my sleep and I practically did and the yarn kept things interesting and it soothed me after a day in front of the computer. I can tell already that I miss socks. But for some reason, OF COURSE!, not the ones I’m knitting RIGHT NOW. Such is the craziness I live with every day.

Yarnival’s due in two days. DUDE. I totally forgot.

The only thing keeping me sane is SNOOD. But I warn you. DO NOT START PLAYING THIS GAME. It will suck you in like a straw trying to get those last remaining drops of a vanilla McDonald’s milkshake. THOOOOOOOOT! DANGER! DANGER! I’m warning you – for your own good – DO NOT PLAY SNOOD.

PS – In my brain addled ness I keep forgetting to mention something VERY IMPORTANT! The fabulous Wendy has set up a fundraiser for my favorite charity Heifer International. She’s giving away some FANTASTIC prizes – so hurry up and show her the money!!!

WTF, Random, Walk with me, Hump Day – whatever you want to call it, it’s still freaking Wednesday.

I’ve been wholly unproductive this week during a time when I should be doing NOTHING but working. The weather sucks ruining my one and only plan for the day (I may actually have no choice but to get work done) and my knitting is only blah. I fixed the Pomatomus sock out of desperation yesterday (I can only go so many days without knitting) and that was only because I’m at a standstill on the Casino shawl. Yup. You heard me. A standstill. After a WHOPPING three chart rows. In my defense, each row is 300+ stitches.

I ended up starting it on 7s, but I’m not feeling the love all of a sudden. I’m worried that when I block it the 7s will be too open. I want the pattern to show, not be a cobwebby mess of holes. So. Do I continue on in the 7s doing one whole repeat and then decide to rip, or do I rip now and go back to 6s. My swatch isn’t helping at all, to be honest. I washed it and sort of blocked it and it’s softer than soft but when stretched it looks down right meshy all over the place – 6s and 7s. One of the things I liked about the 7s pre-wash was the drape. But really – once it’s all done and blocked will that even be an issue? It’s Merino/Tencel. Isn’t that just another word for drape?

So it will sit and I will continue to feel uneasy about it.

There’s been talk of odd feelings around the blogs today – I saw it in at least two places – and I have my own oddness on a regular basis but today I’m feeling almost angry. Don’t get me wrong – I’m deliriously happy that the election process went the way it did but I can’t help but feel an extremely guarded optimism. ATTENTION DEMOCRATIC LEADERSHIP: DO NOT FUCK THIS UP. A win is only a beginning. We, as citizens of this fine land, have done the best we can and given you the power – not because we have so much faith in your abilities but because the alternative was untenable. Do not think that this administration will go gently into the night. You must be dilligent and focused. We need CHANGE NOT VENGEANCE, as tempting as the latter might be.

ETA: Okay. Maybe I’m feeling a little bit better about things. But just a little.

And this article in the New York Times yesterday? As scathing as it is, it doesn’t even come close to how bad The Gilmore Girls has become. Dude it’s like the fucking Waltons.