Something’s wrong with me. I’ve been working so hard, so efficiently it’s like I’m a shark and if I stop somehow I’ll die. Stress has pushed my normal waking time back an hour and stretched my bedtime to the wee hours. I’m crazed; last night I actually did something so productive, so pre-emptive that I’m beginning to scare myself. For each job I send out, I wrap up the box top that the album I give with the photo package comes in (it’s got a big label on the box and the box is black and the label’s white and it’s an odd size box precluding me from buying plain empty boxes so this is the best way I’ve found to cover the label.) It’s sort of a pain – something I usually leave until the last minute and then rush to get the job out and spend all day preparing stuff and I always say I should really take one day and wrap all the boxes so I can just pull one off the shelf, etc. etc. LAST NIGHT I WRAPPED TEN BOXES. This is unheard of in my little world. I’m actually prepared for a change.
And not only am I working hard to get everything done, but I’m churning out some of the BEST work I’ve ever produced. Photographs that make me feel incredibly proud of my work. Like I’m not some faker with a camera. I wish I could show you some of my stuff, but I don’t really feel comfortable with that – I do photograph kids for my living and every picture I show has a signed model release behind it. I take this Internet stuff seriously.
I’ve got three more shoots this weekend and then another incredible push to get the work out next week and then my season is essentially over. I won’t be shooting anymore. I really wish we could just cancel Thanksgiving. It would make my life SO much easier. SO MUCH. As it is I think I might just be running down to Philly for dinner and coming right back up. I’ve got ten days to get as much done as I can. Ten days. And my house is in incredibly bad shape. That needs to be taken care of before G comes home from the hospital.
Knitting is non-existant. My poor Casino shawl lies in it’s half tinked-back row state where I left it LAST Friday. Yesterday I sat in two doctors’ offices, a hospital waiting area and the DMV and I didn’t take out my knitting once – even though I had two socks and the shawl with me. Yes, folks, it’s come to this. I’d rather stare at the walls at the DMV than knit. It’ll come back – there will be lots and lots of knitting time next month.
Yesterday also marked a new day in my relationship with my husband. I had to give him an injection – and I’m gearing up to give him the next one shortly. The doctors want him to take Procrit for the next ten days to boost his hemoglobin before surgery as a precautionary measure against blood transfusions during and after surgery. His hemoglobin is normally a bit low due to Thalassemia – a condition prevalent among Meditteranean types, i.e. Greeks and Italians. (Specifically he has Beta Thalassemia Minor.) So I’m giving him shots. Good thing I’m an old pro at it having given myself shots for the IVF. They’re little insulin needles – barely a prick, but still. I never thought I’d ever have to do this. The doctor told us this is what the athletes take when they do blood doping. That made G feel a little bit better about it.
And just so you don’t think it’s all fun and games over here – there’s an emotional element as well. I think I might be working so hard – working so freaking efficiently and single-mindedly – to keep my fears at bay. The other night it didn’t work so well. I was multi-tasking in bed – writing lists of all the things I need to get done before the 27th and while simultaneously editing Yarnival! when suddenly I remembered I needed a shower. (Yeah. That’s how bad it’s gotten.) So I flipped back the bed covers and headed to the shower. When I got back to bed I discovered that I left a hot pink sharpie open on the bed.
My brand new midnight blue duvet cover and my gorgeous new down comforter were covered in hot pink ink. I literally became hysterical. I haven’t cried that hard since the summer. 😉 Georgie came running into the bedroom thinking I was dying or something and he was so upset that I was so upset which only made me more upset. This just about killed me. The next day I went out and bought a new duvet cover. Excessive maybe, but it made me feel so much better. The stained one will go on the guest bed. The down comforter, well, now it matches the old comforter which had a huge ketchup stain on it. Don’t ask. I’m consoling myself with the fact that it probably didn’t ruin the down and the comforter will always be inside a duvet. Still, though, I want to cry everytime I see it. Judge my drama not, less you leave a sharpie open on your bed.
Posts will probably be sporadic at best for the next couple of weeks. I’m afraid that sitting in the OR waiting room will be the first time I actually stop moving in weeks. I just hope I can knit.
Sorry to hear that things are so crazy for you. I know how you feel — I’ve been so busy at work that last time I literally went half blind before I went to bed. At least we know that things will calm down eventually, right?
Thinking good thoughts for you and your hubby!
Cara, hang in there and try to be kind to yourself as you enter what is sure to be a tough few weeks.
Sometimes we just need a good cry to help us deal with life. Be good to yourself and know that your friends love you 🙂
i’ve cried in frustration over stuff like that. mostly because i work so hard to keep things nice and all it takes is something stupid to totally wreck everything. when you take a step back, it is really not all that important, but at the time, it drives one batty.
good thoughts for G.
acetone gets sharpie ink out by the way. maybe you might want to try a little spot and see if it works on the duvet.
**Sending sanity vibes your way**
Hang in there, sometimes we gotta do things like that (yeah, needles, wait in the hospital…) and it’s stressful! Take good care.
Well, whatcha gonna do? Sometimes you can shrug off stuff like that (well, maybe not the duvet cover), and sometimes it’s just the thing to turn on the waterworks and let the frustrations flow! As needed!!
I am happy that you are looking ahead — in a lot of ways — and preparing, as best YOU can, for what’s to come. Don’t scare yourself!! It won’t be perfect, Cara. It never, ever is perfect. But stuff will happen anyway, you know? You just do what you can do.
; ) And smile.
I’m sorry you’re so overwhelmed right now. That feeling totally sucks. Try and be gentle with yourself and if that doesn’t work, wine. Lots of wine.
Sometimes I think we cry over the unimportant things because crying over the important would lead to a very long crying jag. Gets the crying out of our system and allows you to cope with the stress of the rest of your life.
BTW – I once threw a pair of jeans on top of an open high-lighter. Fortunately they were hand-me-downs from the boyfriend and I didn’t wear them much to begin with. Even less so after they acquired that hugh pink splotch.
I think that is a prefectly okay thing to flip out about. Besdies, nothing makes me feel better than a good cry.
My hubby’s an architect and in order to relax before going to sleep he sketches. With an ink pen. In bed. And routinely falls asleep…with the ink pen. In bed. I’ve given up on trying to get the ink stains out and just put the stained end of the sheets at the foot of the bed.
Hope all goes well in the coming weeks.
Katia
good luck, cara.
it will be hard, but you can do it.
and sometimes, as crazy as it seems to us who knit for sanity, calm, and stability… sometimes it just goes beyond that (at least for me)… sometimes it *isn’t* the thing to do.
i’ll be sending good thoughts your way.
and i have cried over much, much smaller things. 🙂
p.s.
yarnival?
fabulous!
perfectly carnival-licious!
I feel your pain about the comforter. When my husband and I moved in together I was making the bed and the comfortor got caught on the corner of the bed rail. You know what’s coming, right? I tugged at it to get it off and rrriiiipppp….a huge 3-corner tear in it. I ended up cutting up one of my shirts to make a patch for it and using that fabric bonding stuff. Even though the comforter is always in the duvet cover I can still feel that patch and even now, 8 years later, it still makes me cringe.
If it’s a Sanford brand sharpie, and the stain is still somewhat fresh, I can tell you how to get it out… at least out of the duvet cover if not the duvet itself.
I feel your Sharpie pain. I did something similar in college (fell asleep while reading with a bright orange highlighter in my hand). It left a 6″ stain on my bedspread, which was handmade by my mom. Luckily, the blanket is a denim patchwork made from my old jeans from childhood, so I can just patch over the stain with more jeans! Hmm, or maybe one of those iron-on faux-denim patches. Ten years later I still haven’t fixed it, but I plan to soon…
Take care of yourself. You will be no good to your husband if you a run down. Yarnival was great! And I have lime green sharpie on my yummy 500 thread count sheets. It’s probably more common than you think!
If your feeling a bit creative you could try out a crazy dye experiment on the stained duvet cover :o)
Oh, no! So sorry to hear about the sheets. I would have cried, too.
Ooooh best hugs over the net! Take some quiet time each day just to breath! You’ll make your way through!
Sometimes a good cry feels really good (after the fact, of course).
Just think how great it will feel to reach for those pre-wrapped boxes!
I read online that you can get a lot of the ink out with hairspray, it might be worth a try if you’re up for it. I would also try Shout wipes, those things have gotten out stains I would NEVER have thought would come out, like coffee and blood! Good luck with everything!
Oh dear, why is your husband having surgery? (I must have missed something.) I am sorry to hear that.
You know, if it takes a new duvet to get things back on track, I highly support that type of activity.
Damn those Sharpies! It was so good to hear your voice for a few minutes yesterday. It’s good to be crazy busy on occasion…then we enjoy the peaceful times a bit more.
Hey-a silent lurker here-but just wanted to say that I would’ve totally cried about that-I have an unnatural love for down and snuggly things and I HATE when something gets stained/ruined in one spot but the rest is perfectly ok still-it is just not FAIR, you know??!!! but I just wanted you to know that there are others out there who understand the healing powers of a nice fresh down comforter! and if you find out from Grumperina how to get the stain out, pass it on!! (I also have an unnatual love for Sharpies-I have like 30 of them- that I’m afraid my lovely, yet “artistic” children have inherited and many a surface has been decorated by them-agh!) have a great day!
oh no 🙁 i totally understand where you’re coming from.. i’ve broken down like that in the past over something so blatantly dumb that i did under enormous pressure. but sometimes we all need a good breakdown to put things into perspective. i’m going to be sending good thoughts your way over the next couple of weeks!
by the way, when i saw “Beta Thalassemia Minor” i thought, “sounds like the name of a star” 🙂 doesn’t it?
Sometimes staying busy is the best way to stay sane when there is a lot of stress. When you feel like it’s too much, it’s important to stop and relax. I’ll be sending good thoughts your way. Take care of yourself.
Sending warm thoughts your way. This too shall pass!
Within a week of getting my new comforter, my dog had ripped little holes through the duvet cover and the comforter so that she could pull out the stuffing. So I got a new duvet cover after getting all upset – one night and it had little holes. I’ve just accepted that until the dog decides she doesn’t want to sleep on my bed anymore that I will always have little holes all over my comforter.
Oy, it sounds like you are completely stressed out. Crying was probably the best thing you could do under the circumstances. Yes, hairspray (I used Aquanet) will get out ballpoint pen stains, I haven’t tried it for Sharpie stains. Acetone might work, but try it on a corner, as it might stain or bleach the fabric.
Thinking good thoughts for you and Georgie…
The sporadic freak outs and crazy organization and yes, even the stoppage of knitting? All totally normal for someone in your position. When I was in middle/high school and again in graduate school, my mom had several operations. Every single time I would go through a complete disruption of my normal habits and start acting like a different person. I tidied up incessantly, I would occasionally go into hysterics with no real provocation, I stopped doing things I liked to do. It’s a natural human way of trying to cope with something huge and completely out of our control – we try to get some control by controlling our surroundings, but occasionally the enormity of it gets to us and we break down.
It’s okay, this too shall pass and when Georgie’s out of the hospital you will go back to your normal ways. 🙂 *hugs*
I always find that in times of great stress I am ENORMOUSLY efficient. Matching socks, folding laundry, filing, paying the bills, coordinating my clothing, working – it all becomes so minor in the face something big that it just gets done metronomically.
When normal life resumes it all goes down the toilet.
Hang in there – sending you and G all the postive brainwaves I’ve got.
I’m so sorry to hear about your comforter – I hate it when new stuff gets marred or ruined.
Though, better your comforter than one of those gorgeous handknit blankies.
Maybe you could re-cover the now stained comforter with a matching sheet set? My oldest comforters have sheet style duvets on them. I think you were right to go buy a new one. You have been working way way too hard..
Oh my, Cara. Stop, put everything down for a moment, and BREATHE! You’re carrying too much on your shoulders, no wonder you’re stressing. And yep, I’d cry about the Sharpie incident too, but if you’ve gotta make an permanent ink stain, magenta’s the way to go!
I’m sending really good thoughts your way and hoping for the best. Sometimes work is the only thing we can do to keep our sanity. I just know G will be fine (but I also know that doesn’t make the worry go away).
I used to take Procrit back when my kidney was burning out. Nice stuff, that. I actually felt like I wasn’t dragging on the ground.
I do hope you overcome your fears. You are beginning to sound a little like my mother. Perhaps, if you pray, you can take a moment to get back in touch and say a little prayer. I am sure it would help a little.
Good thoughts and prayers heading your way. Of course you snapped. You had to release some of that tension, frustration, exhaustion. Nature’s way.
And while you’re super-busy, I bet your brain is processing away – preparing yourself for the whole hospital, homecomeing, caregiving, need to be on top of things chain of events you’re facing.
Thanksgiving? It ain’t about food. Do you have to travel? Could you be grateful over takeout and watching some football together? Try to make it easy where you can. Thanksgiving with the food will show up again next year. We all love the you we’ve come to know – do what’s best for her and the rest will take care of itself. Peace, blog-friend.
Don’t forget to B R E A T H E.
Good God, hope I didn’t contribute to the Sharpie incident. I’m still waiting for my good cry. Do whatever you need to in that waiting room. Sometimes knitting just doesn’t fit. Sometimes it encourages monkey-mind. Sometimes you just need to stare at a wall.
I don’t know if you get dylon stain pens where you are, but they seem to shift most things – the blue one is the one I think you need….
Sympathies on the stress.
Hey Cara, Sorry to hear about the comforter and all the other stuff going on. Don’t worry, everything will work out, and you’ll get your knitting mojo back soon.
Dawn Dish washing detergent would probably be able to remove that sharpy stain. put some on teh stain with a little water until it is a little sudsy and let sit for about a half an hour, then rinse. Repeat if needed. Dawn is magic, works great , I have used it to remove many things from marker to paint.
Delurking to tell you that you are in my thoughts, as is your husband. Sometimes being over-busy is the best way to stay sane. I’ve done it a few times myself. And crying over the small stuff may be the way to keep yourself from going over the edge on the big stuff… Just remember that even while you are so busy, you need to take care of yourself as well, in order to take care of your husband when he needs you. Sometimes that’s the hardest part to remember.
I feel your pain about the sharpy. I came home last night to find my dog had taken out my purse contents, shredded them, and left them all over the living room. There was a sharpy in my purse – that he had chewed up – so there is now blue ink on my carpet, all over my purse and all over him. He’s white with black (and now blue) spots.
Yeah – not to mention the checkbook, my thunb drive, my makeup, wallet and credit cards that got chewed up too!
Hang in there!
-Jody
I’ll be thinking of you… knit, read, stare, cry, it all works if it gets you through that moment and into the next.
Stress can act like a funhouse mirror . . . making little things look huge, and big things look far away and tiny . . . Just try to focus on the positive, and hang in there!
Feel lucky we have a survival mode..I’ve been living in mine virtually non-stop since Dec. 16th, 2003, when I found out my husband of 20 years had a girlfriend and was leaving me. since then I have been homeless, my son nearly died of a staph infection, and I am $20k in debt (lawyer, and other people helping me) and I love my job working in a crafts store, so I don’t want to leave it to get a job making more money. something about a rock and a hard place.
Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t knit in the hospital, the walls were built to be stared at…and sometimes that’s all you can do.
Thank you for sharing all your stories, I look everyday to see if you have updated the page and I’m always grateful for the chuckle, inspiration, motivation, or just the down right laugh-out-loud!!
Remain upright and the rest will sort itself out somehow…or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. good luck to G
R U B B I N G A L C O H O L (Cara, I’m sure you read all your comments, but for the others who are already skimming at comment #4,587) gets “permanent ink” off of hard surfaces at any rate.
Hang in there. And get a good really absorbing book. Hubbins and I do really well to read an adventure story to each other when we’ve got a super stressful just-hang-in-there nothing-to-do-but-wait kind of a thing going on. Clearly, lots of good energy is coming your way from all of us, remember that, too.
*hugs*
This, too, shall pass. You’ll get through it and be stronger for it!
I’m sorry things are so crazy. Try to take some time to care for yourself as well. I’ll being thinking about you guys.
Oh, you poor stressed out girl! I have such empathy for where you are right now. I’ll keep positive thoughts for both of you.
But meanwhile, go buy Tide to Go (or Tide sticks, whatever they’re called). They look like magic markers). We have them in every room of the house and always in my purse. They work wonders on all sorts of stains. It’s at least worth a try. I see you got lots of other ideas here, too, so this is just one more.
Best wishes, Cara! We’re all here for you!!
Seriously, cancel Thanksgiving if you want. Boston Market does a bang up job for very little money. I am sure that you could use your energy better elsewhere instead of cooking. And as for the Sharpie, well, you could always take it one step further and try to dye the whole thing hot pink. Not really the most relaxing color, but it might work.
Keep your chin up . . . it all passes eventually. We’ll be thinking about you and G.
I use rubbing alcohol all the time to get Sharpie ink off (as mentioned above by Amber). If that doesn’t work, try another 100% alcohol -oddly enough some work better for some colors of sharpie ink than others. The only trick is that the alcohol does bad things to the stuff you are trying to clean so you need to FULLY rinse it once you are done scrubbing the spot.
I have let things sit for a few hours if the first treatment doesn’t work but then I’m risking ruining whatever it is. You do have to let it dry first or the water will dilute the alcohol and not be as effective. Good luck!
Hang in there girlfriend! My dh had heart surgery the day before Thanksgiving 2 years ago and it was a tough time. You will get through it, I promise!! Be EXTRA good to yourself and get a lot of rest while he is resting because you will need it as much as he does.
my mom had to give my little brother shots for a long time when he was being treated for cancer (he’s fine now!) so i know that can be uncomfortable.
good for you for replacing the duvet cover right away. and don’t worry one bit about the actual comforter! no one ever has to know.
hugs, hugs, and more hugs
good vibes and best wishes for G
you’ll get through it!
Oh no, you’re not crazy. I completely feel for you and the stain! {{{HUGS}}}
I know what it feels like to be that fried. You have my sympathy. While it’s good to be busy with work, when you have stuff going on at home the slightest (or pinkest) thing can just send you over the edge. Big hugs and huge thumbs up to G that all goes well. I’ll be thinking of you both. And don’t boycott Thanksgiving. In the midst of all this crazy you need a good meal and a moment to be thankful for all the good in your life!
Cara, Cara, Cara, What is all this with the taking the stain out?
It’s actually rather lovely and you should go buy 12 more pretty colors of Sharpie, mist the cover slightly, open those pens up and toss ’em around, have a nice hot bath, maybe a glass of wine, come back and see what you got. What you’ll have is hand painted, custom dyed, very fancy linens. Criminey, they’ll be all the rage at Bloomingdale’s next season. As the Sharpie fades in the wash, do it again. Some more.
Last week I accidentally woke up Johnny in the middle of the night because I was upset when I realized my belly button is almost nonexistent.
So your emotions could be stupider. 😉
I will be thinking of you and Georgie. It’s all going to be okay.
You and your husband will be in our thoughts.
I agree that you are likely keeping yourself busy so you don’t have time to feel your fears. I agree because I do that sort of thing myself. So maybe the sharpie accident was a blessing in disguise. Maybe you needed that big cry. It can be a huge release.
I’m sending good wishes to both you and your husband that everything will work out fine. Take care.
Serenity NOW.
xo
I can so. totally. relate.
To almost everything. No knitting, but huge leaps in other areas…emotional over mishaps that ruin something that was just made perfect.
If it makes you feel any better, you aren’t alone.
Hi, Cara,
I’ll be thinking of you and sending “positive vives” (as grandma used to say). Remember to be patient with yourself.
Take care,
Hannah
Cara, we must have been separated at birth! I, too, can get hysterical of the smallest of things – yet to me, the world is crashing down around me. If I was as stressed as you are, that inkstain would have sent me so far over the edge, Hubbo prolly would have had to call the men in white coats.
I’ve found a technique that helps me put things in perspective: I look at what’s going on like it was happening to someone else. If a friend told me about the inkstain, I’d probably say “Bummer. Go buy yourself a new cover and forget about what’s underneath.” Which is exactly what you did! Good on ya for taking care of yourself, even if others might think it’s silly. You know what you need to do to ease your stress, so just do it and anyone who doesn’t understand can just F-off!
i hope that wasn’t the pink sharpie vicki gave you! 😉 i scraped up our million dollar microwave the other day by using an abrasive sponge. i was so upset. glad you are feeling better. and hope georgie is handling his shots well.
Many hugs and positive thoughts coming your way.
I can relate to the Sharpie pain. Hope things go well in the OR – sending good thoughts your way!
*Positive vibes coming your way*
Sending smooth anesthesia vibes your way…..
We’ll all be pulling for you and DH.
Giving shots to your loved ones always seems like a difficult task to master at first–then that part gets easy (and it sounds like you are already there) and you’re just left with the emotional side of being a caretaker to someone who has always been your partner. A hard thing, at least for me. Lots of love.
No. *I’m* the faker with the camera.
🙂
I’m so pleased that your pictures are making you happy.