THE WIFE TAKES A CHILD
She has come next door to practice our piano.
Fat worms, her fingers hover over the keys,
dolce, dolce, advance to a black note.
I call out answers: she blinks a trusting eye.
From the window I can see the phlox
bank and flower, the violets’ broad train
at the yard’s edge, and beyond, the bee-boxes,
each one baited for summer with a queen.
Love, how long must we reproduce ourselves
in the neighbors’ children, bees in false hives,
bright inviting blossoms, mine for a season.
Against the C-scale’s awkward lullabye
I carry the offense of my flat belly,
the silent red loss of monthly bleeding.
Poetry Reading by Grace’s Poppies, found via Juno
Powerful words. My thoughts and hopes are with you and G as you work to make your family. You will be fabulous parents when you do get there.
{{{{{{{{{{{Cara}}}}}}}}}}}} and G, too, of course.
Dear Care, as one who had been in that poem and come out the other side, I offer hope and prayers. Be gentle with yourself.
I posted about my jaywalkers..if I could keep my head screwed on they’d be going better!!! LOL.
Cara… I lived with this for 18 years…. infertility…
a scourge…. wearing the sign childless on my chest….like the big red A in THE SCARLET LETTER… not fitting in….. feeling inadequate…. not coping…. I gained 100 lbs…. I loved my dog to excess…I hated my husband…. I did the routine…. the shots, the pills, the hormone swings…..the trips to the hospital…the sex on a schedule…. I’ve been there… I UNDERSTAND….at 38 I got the surprise of the life…his name is Brian Thomas….you never know…. they (whoever they are)– talk about God’s time… I was mad at God…
he took too much time… if you ever want to talk about it… here I am…
I, too, have the emotional and physical scars from infertility. In my case it was secondary infertility. Now as I type, with my newly adopted Guatemalan daughter on my lap, I am vividly reminded of the pain I once was in. My heart goes out to you.
Damn girl, you make me cry. I love you. Lots.
This is powerful. I am just learning of your journey, but thought you may like to know about a dear friend of mine in her mid-30’s who was having trouble conceiving.
She went on a well deserved beach vacation, had a few obnoxious frozen beverages, relaxed…and poof. She has a beautiful 4 year old.
Struggled with it again 2 years later…went on another vacation, and POOF! Now she has two beautiful girls.
It’s got to be proof that our bodies know when we are ready. I hope you book that trip!