Oh my god! I really thought I had killed my blog.
So I post this super long post in a super long while and… nothing happened. As far as I was concerned I didn’t get a single comment. At first I thought this was weird and then I did some snooping around – no comments in MT in the comment section OR the entry. Nothing in my email. The comments appeared to be working. This precipitated an existential looking back on the last almost five years of this blog and an OH MY GOD I KILLED MY BLOG! It was my own fault. If you don’t post, people don’t read and with all the competition out there (twitter, ravelry, facebook) who can blame them?
In the end I was surprisingly okay with it all.
Then I posted again and still no comments and I was curious but resolved that if I was going to continue with the blog, well, it WAS really only going to be for me! I said it all along and now it was really true and that was OKAY. Pressure was off and maybe I could even get back into writing again the way I used to about things I love and excite me and I could be all funny and pithy and I could build it all back up again. Or not. I did it once I could do it again and besides I’m doing it all for me anyway so what’s the difference if it works or not. I’ve always said you have to write for yourself in the end or it doesn’t really work even though the audience is a super big plus.
I end up being all proud of myself for not being so upset that I’ve lost you all and gone ahead and killed the blog and I’m sitting here patting myself on the back for being so grown up about it (I will be 40 in January and I’ve been thinking a lot about being grown up) and then I get a hit on bloglines from my comment feed and WAIT… there actually ARE comments!
Turns out that there were actually quite a few comments (THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!) and that somehow they had all been trapped by the spam filters and ended up in the junk bin. That’s why they didn’t show up on the blog – at least most of them didn’t – and they didn’t hit my email and they didn’t hit the MT entry and I have no idea why all of this happened but in the end I’m glad. (The truth is my MT needs desperately to be updated but I don’t have it in me to do it anymore. I used to be able to stay up for days figuring it all out but those days are long gone. I’m not sure what I’m going to do here.)
It was an excellent exercise in the long run because I’m still here. For better or worse. With you all or all by lonesome. Seems I’m not quite done yet.
Thank you for reading!! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your presence.