Thank you all for your comments, commiserations and counsel. I really appreciate it.

Yesterday was a classically shitty day (no pun intended.) I was the most anxious I’ve been since I got pregnant, probably because of a nice little trifecta called going off the meds (because I was feeling so freaking good!), exhaustion and PMS. Yeah. PMS. My little friend returned at the 5 month post-partum mark. WHOOHOO for breast feeding on demand!

Anyway, yesterday was crap for me and Miss Meli because it seems she had a bellyache and the accompanying poop problems to go with it. I told you it was a shitty day.

We’re also at my sister’s through the weekend, and while I brought my laptop, I can’t get it to talk to her wireless network. So not a lot of blogging for me.

Today, thankfully, was a much better day. Meli’s stomach’s been fine all day. Mommy’s head seems to be on straight. And we had a lovely day with my sister and her baby at the Philadelphia Please Touch Museum. If you live around Philly and you have young kids – RUN – don’t walk. They’ve moved and completely renovated the museum. It’s really spectacular. I recommend it highly. (Even for the young kids – they have areas set apart for kids 3 and under. Meli had a good time!)

The best news I can give you, besides that we’re feeling a bit better, is that I’m knitting. I”m really and truly knitting. I’m saving the deets for my fun post, which I hope to have up soon!

Thanks again for all the mom-love!

Read what my beautiful friend has to say, then come back. Go. I’ll wait.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what Tina wrote and maybe it’s selfish, but the peace I’ve always wanted more than anything is peace of mind. Living with anxiety as long as I have, internal peace always seemed so fleeting. Every year it’s getting better and better as I get older and my life changes and I learn to accept myself and the world around me. Giving up control is a huge part of it – at least for me. Adjusting expectations. And just knowing that it’s okay to fail sometimes.

What’s this got to do with knitting? Just everything. I’ve talked about this before, but I think knitting has taken me far in my quest for peace of mind. When I’m involved in a project, it soothes my monkey mind and carries me away just like a great novel. If I’m anxious, I can pay particular attention to what’s in my hands and it distracts me – count those stitches, pay attention to that pattern – let the anxiety flow through my fingers to the needles and out of my body and my mind. Knitting has allowed me to indulge my perfectionist tendencies, but it’s also humbled me. Learning when a knit is working and not working has taught me patience and when to just give it up already. There’s a reason EZ said to knit through crises – because it WORKS!

So I knit and I find peace and what does that do for the rest of the world? Can one person knitting really bring about world peace? Maybe not. But if I’m centered and balanced and content: AT PEACE, then maybe the way I live my life will somehow rub off on the person annoyed behind me at Macys all pissed off because I have a complicated return. Maybe my inner peace and a conversation about knits will calm an anxious relative waiting at Sloane Kettering. It could be that my daughter will find her own peace at the sound of my needles clicking – mommy’s calm, all is right with the world.

Maybe knitters, one at a time, can bring about world peace. I don’t know, but I wish it for me and for you and for all of us.

Today I turn 51… I mean 39. But Wii Fit thinks I’m 51. (Apparently I suck at the whole balance test thing because my weight and BMI are within normal. I’m skinnier now than I was before I got pregnant. I think there should be some kind of dispensation for the kid under one….)

Today is my birthday and I’m getting old. My reality is that even though I’m more tired than I’ve ever been in my life, I feel young too. Maybe the youngest I’ve felt in a long time.

Age is a very strange bird.

I’ve read lots of things lately about how 2008 was a very up year and a very down year as well. Amazing highs and super lows and the thing of it is – it was possibly the best year of my life. The most fulfilling year. Certainly the hardest. And on this, the first day of the new year, I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings.

I’m hoping to post on a regular basis this January. It’s a slow month and I feel like I should be able to make the time to get back the blog. It’s important to me and there’s no better place to start than the new year. I’m going to kick things off tomorrow with a fabulous contest with some prizes you’ll only see here! Right now, though, I’m off to play Guitar Hero. I’m telling you, age be damned. I’m just a kid! (And my Wii might be one of the best presents EVER!)

A HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOURS FROM ME AND MINE!
THANK YOU FOR READING JANUARY ONE!
L, C

I’m done. Not in the that’s it, throw your hands up, I’ve had enough variety (although I came very, very close) but in the WHEW! We made it! kind of done. Thank god. I might’ve actually lost it but I was too tired, am too tired, to know.

While I had so much work to do, Meli and I got into the habit of having her nap in my lap while I was doing computer work. It was much better than having to run to her every five minutes and I was desperate for large chunks of time to get stuff done. So she slept on the boppy in my lap and whenever she stirred I’d stick a boob in her mouth and she’d happily suck herself back to sleep.

Now, after weeks staring at the screen, I’m tired of being on the computer. But Meli likes lap naps. Really likes nap laps. Right now she’s in my lap and I think she’s been sleeping for close to two hours.

I have to pee.

And I want to get other stuff done. Stuff that involves my using the parts of my body that make up my lap.

Really, though, how can you ever wake a sleeping baby? I don’t care how badly I have to pee.

Actually, I elfed the whole family. We’re all sick now and miserable and tired and it figures because I’ve only got a few packages left to go out and then I’m DONE.

Anyway, I thought this would be fun and distract myself from the misery:

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

I’m in a sharing mood, so I’ve also posted some new Meli pictures after the jump. They’re outtakes from our unsuccessful holiday card shoot. I took a million pictures and wasn’t truly happy with any of them. These aren’t bad though – just not card worthy. Thanks for looking.

[Read more…]

It’s 5:16AM and I’ve been up since about 4. I thought that instead of lying in bed listening to my husband and daughter breathe/snore, I’d get up and do some work. But the printer is LOUD when the house is so quiet and I should really just go back to sleep.

Last night I was up at this time with the baby – she had her first real fever. Not fun. But thank god for Tylenol and she was fever free all day yesterday. Oh and she has two teeth. I have the bite marks to prove it. You can’t see them yet but man are those little suckers sharp!

Is anyone else being inundated with Russian Comment Spam? It seems no matter when I post these days, I get more comments in Russian than anything else. I’m sure it’s because I haven’t updated my Movable Type in like forever but it’s so annoying. They don’t get caught by my spam filter so I have to go in and manually move them to junk. I can’t be the only one? Right?

I can’t believe it’s been almost a month since I last posted. That’s ridiculous. Life has been kicking my ass, but we’re hanging in there. I’ve been at my sister’s for the past two long weekends, and when I’ve been home, I’ve been literally pulling all-nighters in order to get the work done. I have some packages to get out and one more card to do and then I’m done for the year! I’m grateful for the work, don’t get me wrong, but it sucks that most of it gets condensed into a six week period.

Meli turned nine months old while we were away and she’s doing all sorts of fun stuff. She talks nonstop, pulls up on everything (especially her mama) and is FINALLY cutting two teeth. Of course, she also has a cold at the moment so we’re talking copious amounts of snot, drool and tears. Poor baby girl! She’s absolutely miserable, which is so unlike her.

Here she is at a happier time!

At my sister’s, we celebrated Hanukkah early as they’re away for the real Hanukkah and Meli had lots of fun with her cousins!

Of course, when it came to opening presents, she was way more interested in eating them than opening them!

Her cousins gave her a new doll that she liked very much!

I know I’m biased, but she’s too cute!

I’ve had lots of fantasies about what I’m going to do with my self when I’m back to being unemployed (things get VERY slow in the winter.) Besides clean, organize and babyproof my house (ah, what delightful fantasies!) I’ve been dreaming of knitting again (REALLY!!!) and blogging again. I probably shouldn’t say this, but I’ve been seriously considering trying to blog every week day for the month of January. I really miss having something to say and someplace to say it and just thinking about things. My mind feels so blank. Probably because I’m exhausted, but I think blogging may just jump start my brain again. We’ll see how I feel in the next week or two. I have a birthday coming up as well (DUH) let’s just say Good Ol’ Jack Benny and I will finally have something in common. Well, if he wasn’t dead, of course.

I hope you’re all doing really, really well and I hope to see you very soon!

PS – All photos courtesy of my sister. I tried to take pictures of Meli for our holiday card yesterday and they all came out crap. I guess I’ve used my good camera mojo for the year. Wasted it all on clients. 😉

The relief I feel this morning is palpable.

My “come to Obama” moment came fairly late in this election. I voted for Hillary Clinton in the primary and wasn’t going to give in to all the hype surrounding Obama. My sister, who at 26 is in a very different stage of her life than me, was all about the ideology of the election. “Things are changing! Even if we lose, look at all the young people who have mobilized because of him.” But I was very, very afraid. For me, this attitude change wasn’t enough. We needed to WIN at all costs. This country has been so severely damaged in the last eight years that it might not be fixed in my lifetime. I wondered why the democrats couldn’t just put up an easy win. What were our choices? A polarizing woman who had dynasty written all over her, regardless of her intelligence and readiness for the job and a fairly inexperienced man of color. Were they kidding?!?

I didn’t just vote for Obama because the other choice was not an option (and in my opinion, offensive on many, many levels), but because I came to respect his intelligence, his pragmatism and his thoughtfulness. He ran an admirable campaign – especially in this day and age. And the idea that we would have a leader who was (FINALLY!) smarter than me – well – that was just the icing on the cake.

Still, though, I was very scared. This election, while historical and significant for our country and the world, is historical and significant for me on a whole other level. This election, I voted as a mother. As a parent, I’m making decisions that will affect my daughter’s life on a daily basis. I will never forget the day I voted in the primary – I was pregnant and the whole walk over to the polling center I talked to my baby. I told that baby that we were going to vote in an historic election. That we were going to choose a woman to possibly lead our country. But I also told my baby that there was a man of color on the ballot and the fact that I had to choose between a woman and a man of color was the hardest and best possible choice to make. Everything they had ever told me in my life might possibly be true.

In the end, I didn’t vote for me or my country. I voted for my daughter. I elected a president that can change the trajectory of her path in this world, the vision she has of our country, her own self-esteem. I elected a president that truly shows her – not just with platitudes, but with action – THAT ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

Thank you America. Thank you for helping me make all things possible for my daughter. Thank you.