May the next year, and all your years, be filled with beautiful color, wonderful yarn, and knitting that comforts you in all the right ways. May your minds be content and your hearts full. May 2017 exceed all expectations. And be filled with stacks and stacks of hats and the best binge knits! Thank you all so much for sharing this space with me! I appreciate you all and thank you for the inspiration you provide on a daily basis! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! L, C

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged, it feels weird to just show up like this. But this is January One and it IS January 1st and I would feel even worse if I didn’t show up! I’m still here and I’m still knitting up a storm and every day I blog in my head and every day I don’t write it down. Some of my shit is so damn good it’s gone viral! Hahaha! I know a lot of you have found me over on Instagram (I’m january_one) and I feel really at home over there. It’s like a mini blog and I enjoy the short format – especially for sharing knits and kids and quick pictures I like. I do, though, have much more to say and I miss the long format of the blog. I say this every year, but I will get back to it. I will, I will, I WILL! I’m not done over here yet, and I hope you aren’t either.

Happy New Year my friends! I miss you! And I wish you all the best in 2016 – the best for you, the best for your families, the best knits, the best books – just THE BEST!!

L, C

This is an excerpt of a letter I recently wrote to my grandmother, who taught me to knit. I had been thinking about it for awhile, and finally got off my ass to write it. I’m posting it here because I think many of you share my feelings about the gift my grandmother gave to me. Thank you for reading.
L, C

Yom Kippur

September 14, 2013

Dear Grandmom,

I’ve been wanting to write you a thank you note for forever, and finally, on this Yom Kippur, I’m taking the time to thank you properly.

Thank you.

I want to thank you for the greatest gift anyone has ever given me. I don’t remember the exact date, but that rainy day after lunch when I asked you to teach me how to knit is a sacred day in my life. I was in a very bad place, my anxiety was overwhelming me and I wasn’t sure I would ever find peace. Who would have thought that neon orange acrylic yarn and slightly crooked aluminum needles would deliver that peace? You taught me to knit and purl that day. I don’t think that either of us could have predicted that knitting and purling would also show me how to live a more balanced and contented life.

Here are some of the invaluable blessings that knitting has given me in my life: I’ve learned that no one is perfect. Through my knitting I’ve come to accept that everything I make, by virtue of being made with my own two hands, will bear some mark of my humanity and therefore be imperfect. Oftentimes this has been a difficult lesson to accept, and on many occasions I have ripped out yards and yards of knitting to fix a mistake. But no matter how many mistakes I’ve made and fixed, there are always more coming, reminders of what’s important and that my knitting is beautiful because of the mistakes, not despite them! There are many traditions that specifically suggest that you add mistakes to your handiwork so you don’t offend the gods. Humans cannot be perfect – that’s the realm of the gods. Perfectionism and feeling like I need to be perfect in my life has caused me a good deal of anxiety. Learning to let go of that, especially through my knitting, has been wonderful.

One of the pioneers of the modern knitting world, Elizabeth Zimmermann, said: “Knit on with confidence and hope, through all crises.”  This has been true for me on so many occasions, it’s impossible to count! I will recall for you one time – George had been diagnosed with Melanoma and he was being operated on to remove the growth. I had sat in the waiting room through countless of his orthopedic surgeries by myself and didn’t even think to ask someone to wait with me for this surgery. I was wrong. It was dreadful waiting – the hospital specialized in treating cancer and the waiting room had an unbearable life or death pale over it. I was alone and scared, but I had my knitting. I worked row after row of a sweater and the knitting helped calm me. Counting the stitches and following the pattern kept me in the moment and prevented my mind from wandering too far into the unbearable places my brain likes to linger.

It’s not just in the life or death moments that knitting helps my monkey mind. On a regular, easy afternoon, anxiety lurks in me, ready to ruin the day and knitting is there for me then too. It keeps me grounded and in the moment. My love of knitting is so strong it can pull me back from the brink of despair. Another example: During my pregnancy with Cali, when Meli was so small and we had only been in our house a few months, I was sick from all the hormones and knitting was the last thing on my mind. I tried here and there, but it wasn’t doing it for me. Fast forward to the next winter, Cali was about six months old, the days were dark and I was in a bad place again. Besides being exhausted, anxious and on the edge of postpartum depression, I felt like I had lost all my creativity. Someone gave me advice to go out and get it back and I took that advice to heart by pulling out a  huge pile of brightly colored squares I had knit to make up a blanket years before I had kids. Every day, a little bit at a time, I seamed those squares together. All those stitches I had knit so long ago in a better time, came alive under my fingertips and ignited my love for knitting again. Soon I was sitting in my parked car while Melina was in school and Cali napped, listening to the radio and knitting for a couple of glorious hours. Peace was mine again. Even if the world was chaos around me, I knew that for a couple of hours I could knit and catch my breath.

Besides helping me through the bad times, knitting has expanded my capacity for joy and friendship! Infertility really hurt my ability to write fiction – I was too preoccupied. But I stumbled upon a different community – online diaries that talked about knitting! I started one of my own and was back to writing every day. Through my knitting blog, I have met people all over the world that share my love of the craft. I have learned new techniques, been exposed to new yarns, but mainly I have been welcomed into an amazing community. Through the seemingly simple act of knitting and purling, I have found best friends that will be with me throughout my life. I have cried with these people, been lifted up by these people, been made better by these people. Most of all I have laughed with these people – deep, healing belly laughs that make my world a more peaceful place.

Knitting has also given me a wonderful link to my past. While you are a good knitter, you’ve often told me that it was Nana who was the real knitter in the family. I sadly don’t remember her knitting, but I do remember the fisherman sweaters and ponchos we all had when we were kids. Sometimes, while I knit, I think of her and like to imagine that my skills as a knitter have come from the Frankel women – it’s in my DNA. Sometimes I like to imagine that really I have no choice in my life but to be a knitter. Knitting is my destiny.

It may seem like a tall order to expect from wool and sticks, but knitting has had a tremendous impact on my life. Thank you Grandmom. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for teaching me to knit.  Thank you for everything.

I love you with all my heart.

Cara

The other day I participated in an Instagram hashtag thingy #adayinthelifephotochallenge. While I was taking pictures all day, I thought it might make an interesting blog post. I’ve added all of the captions I used on the IG. Feel free to ignore this if you already followed along on IG. And if you’d like to follow along on IG in the future, there’s a handy button over on the side bar. I really like Instagram so am on there quite a bit more than the blog.

A note about the day and the past week: Meli started Kindergarten the Tuesday after Labor Day and things went pretty well the first week. The second week – well – not so much. She’s had some transition issues that we’re working on but it’s been stressful to say the least. I know she’ll be okay, eventually. I have everything crossed that it doesn’t take forever – for all our sakes. I thought maybe the knitting gods had smiled on us – her teacher’s name is ROWAN for goodness sake – and we would escape the transitional badness, but no. Kids. Who’s idea were they anyway?!? 😉

6:44 AM: Up before I need to be. This is how I spend at least a
few hours every night – a kid on each side – not very conducive for sleep.
I also have a sore throat. #fun #theresalsoahusbandinthebed

7:50 AM: Packing lunches. The advil is for me. After a
good first week, the kindergarten situation has
deteriorated rapidly. #realitysetin
#schoolalldayeveryday #withhomework

8:29 AM: First school drop off. Just left my baby
crying hysterically #myheartisbroken

8:59 AM: Drop off #2. This one. While her sister was having
a breakdown, she was crumbling pancakes all over the sofa
and breaking a windowshade. #thangodforher #nightandday

9:20 AM: Waiting for the 9:30 class. My oasis. This studio and
especially my fellow classmates, teachers and owners have come
to mean so much to me. I’m going to try to sweat out the badness.
#thankyou #barmethod

10:48 AM: After class treat – it’s called the Gut Buster –
spinach, lime, apple and orange. #juice

11:36 AM: Stopped by a friend’s to leave hangers for her epic tag
sale this weekend. #andcryonhershoulder

12:33 PM: Pick up the little one. Made it to the car just in time.
The weather turned really ugly really fast.
#severethunderstormwarning

1:07 PM; Lunch, finally! My fave Fage fruyo vanilla yogurt and
KIND Dark Chocolate & Cranberry Clusters on top!
#yesthatisarealnewspaperimreading

2:24 PM: Scrolling on my phone and decided I had to have this.
I’ve been dreaming about a big cowl neck for forever. So I called
my bestie Ann and voila! Instantly in my library!
#ravelry #instorepatternsales
(PS – Bought yarn for the project yesterday!)

3:03 PM; Kindergarten pick-up. She said she had a good day
even though she was sad a few times. She’s still not eating much
though. She looks so tired and worn out. #mylove

3:30 PM: Gorging herself on the lunch she didn’t eat at lunchtime.
#poorbaby #justlikehermother #canteatwhenshesanxious

3:42 PM: Stopped at a red light. Now that’s one of those goofy
family car decals I can get behind! #yetiftw

4:01 PM: Teaching my girls young: when going gets rough,
GO SHOE SHOPPING! #lifelessons

5:03 PM: Quick trip to the supermarket. #justtheessentials

6:38 PM: The motto of boy scouts and preschoolers every where:
be prepared! #thunder #lightning #lightsarestillON

8:15 PM: Ready for a story and bed.
#fuckinglongandstressfulday

9:17 PM: My millionth cup of tea for the day. My throat still
hurts. My kids are sleeping though. Not sure how long it will last.
#switchedoverfromtheearltothelady #decafofcourse

9:30 PM: Only took me until now to get to the mail. What an
excellent mail day!! Two books by authors I know in the flesh!
BTW, Jeff Jackson is one of my best friends from my MFA
program. He is exceedingly talented – a true literary genius.
I am so so proud of him! #allthattosaygivehisbookatry
#youwontbedisappointed
(PS – you should all know Cari Luna! She’s one of us!)

10:24PM: Chilling in bed BY MYSELF. Not sure how long it will last.
I realized that I didn’t knit at all today – and barely at all this week.
Of course, when I need it most. I snapped tonight putting the girls
to bed and M said to me, “You can’t handle us! Why did you ever
want to have kids? That’s why I’m never having kids. It’s too hard!”
Wow. Thanks kid. Way to cut me deep. If you only knew how hard
I worked to have you. And with that my day is over. Thanks for
tagging along. #motherhoodisfuckingthehardestthingever

 
 
Here’s hoping next week is better for all of us!
Love, C

Today I’m 43. And I feel pretty good.

It’s been a long time since I posted to the blog, but I’ve never missed January One in nine years. Nine freaking years.

I’ve got some goals for 2013 – one of them is to get back to writing. My youngest starts school next week so I have some afternoons free and I really really really want to write again. So if you’re reading this, check back in a week or so. I’ve got a million knits to talk about. And some other stuff too.

I wish everyone a very happy new year. May 2013 be a peaceful, contented year for all of you.
L, C

Happy New Year!

Since I last checked in here, I’ve done a ton of knitting! I knit ten squares of my Spectrum Crosses blanket, then school let out for summer vacation and I lost my knitting mojo. But then it turned to Fall and I actually managed to knit a whole sweater in time for Rhinebeck! Granted it was in a bulky yarn on size 10s, but still, A WHOLE SWEATER! Complete. With sleeves and everything! And when I was done that I knit ANOTHER whole sweater. This one on size 6 needles with all kinds of new to me tricks. This sweater, honestly, elevated my knitting to higher heights. It gave me so much confidence that I started yet ANOTHER sweater which I’m currently about 1/3 of the way through. LOVING THE KNITTING!

Which brings me to the blog because honestly I don’t have many people to talk to about my knitting. And the people I do have are sick to death of me. So I’m giving you a sneak peak of my sweaters and a super cute picture of my girls and then I’m coming back to talk about all the knitting. I hope one or two of you are still out there!

I know it’s been awhile, but I hope you’re all doing great and looking forward to the new year. I feel like it’s gonna be a good one!

I’ve been thinking about blogging again for a while now and this post isn’t going to be what I’ve dreamed about, but it will be significant for me. Firstly, because I’m blogging. Period. It’s been a long while but I couldn’t let this day go by without blogging and secondly and most importantly because I have something to say. It might not be very important what I’d like to say but I feel the need to say it and that’s pretty significant in my life these days. To feel something pushing me – something that doesn’t have snot running out of its nose, or poop in its diaper or a hungry belly or a stubborn streak as long as the earth is wide – is really really nice and I’m not going to let the opportunity slip.

About a month ago I was feeling like I had lost all my talents, and on twitter I lamented that fact then questioned whether or not I actually had talents when they could be lost so easily. Yes, I was feeling sorry for myself. I had barely done any photography work for the holiday season, but the work I did do came with problems and frustrations. I wasn’t knitting at all and I was missing it desperately. Basically I was being a mommy day and night and complaining about the fact that I didn’t have any other kind of life.

I was also feeling a little jealous. Vicki posted about her magnificent Parcheesi blanket and topped the gorgeous knitting off with a fantastic photoshoot and even though I love her desperately, I was hating on her a little too. I used to knit gorgeous blankets and photograph them in fantastic ways. I called Vicki to let her know just how much I loved her work and how she was inspiring me to get gorgeous and fantastic back into my own life. She reminded me of my little girls and her big girls and yes, yes, I know I don’t have time to breathe let alone knit big huge blankets, but still I want that in my life. I need that in my life.

Then I sent my pity party tweet out into the universe and something quite inspiring came back. Sara aka ChickenBetty read my tweet and suggested back to me that losing my talents wasn’t something to mourn, per say, but an opportunity. To quote her, “But doesn’t that turn it into a treasure hunt to find them again?”

Huh.

I didn’t tell her this and I’m sorry for that and right now I’m telling her – Sara – you kicked my ass with that one! I couldn’t stop thinking about the idea of finding my lost talents. At first it bugged me a little bit – I wasn’t looking for someone to tell me to work at my talents – they’re either there or they’re not – but maybe Sara was right. They didn’t go anywhere they just need prodding. I took her advice to heart and started searching.

It wasn’t that day but soon after I went into the basement and found the box marked Miter Project and took that sucker out and pulled it up into the light of day. Since that admonition to get off my ass and GRAB BACK MY TALENTS I have successfully woven in 484 ends on 120 miters. (That’s four per square – with two squares having two extra ends each.) I have also started the arduous journey of blocking the miters and I have one ready to seam as we speak. AND, in all this frenzy, I’ve been looking at all the leftover yarn (figured I’d use it to seam) and a new blanket idea has jumped out at me and won’t let my brain go. If it is what I hope it is, it might take me another three years. But that’s okay.

In this past month, I also knit a small sweater ornament out of leftover sock yarn, a gorgeous cowl (also inspired by Vicki) and a headband to match the cowl. I’m sort of consciously choosing projects that are small – or at least you can feel like you’re accomplishing much in a short period of time. For instance, a small sweater ornament takes no time. A cowl using bulky wool can feel like a mighty accomplishment when you don’t have much time to knit and miters, well, it turns out miters are addictive no matter what you do with them – even weaving in ends.

More inspiration in my life: I found a fantastic babysitter. Not only is she great with my kids, but I taught her how to knit! She’s a natural and even went and signed up for a ravelry account all on her own, thank you very much. She’s been inspiring my with her enthusiasm and having her here a few hours a day a couple days a week frees me up to spend some time on my own. FREEDOM = TIME = CREATIVITY.

It’s all been really really good. Finding these talents is like finding myself all over again. It’s also an exercise in patience because obviously sometimes I can spend a lot of time and sometimes I get no time but I have it in my head and I don’t have to let it go or push it aside. I can nurture it a little bit each day so it can grow and grow and grow. Just like knitting.

I want to end on a note about blogging. I’m planning on being her much more often – hopefully on a regular-ish schedule of a couple of times a week. I’ve been spending a lot of time here lately looking over my Miter Madness archives and not only do I miss writing, but it feels disingenuous of me to continue the miter project WITHOUT blogging about it. I blogged that whole damn thing – every single square – and I’m not about to stop now. So I hope you’ll look out for me and my projects if you have the time. And I hope I can inspire someone just a little bit like Vicki and Sara have inspired me. Thank you so much!

Happy New Year! Happy JANUARY ONE!
L, C