Wonder Woman

I have found my super power. I am The Human Pacifier.

About a week ago, Meli decided to give up her pacifier – the plastic one. Now many of you, especially the ones with teenagers who went off to college with their pacifiers tied around their necks at the ready, will think I’m extremely lucky that she seems to have given it up on her own. And I would be if she were say two. But she’s only eight months old and her need to suck is strong. She she sucks on me. A lot.

It used to be that whenever she went to sleep – for the night or for naps – we’d lay down and nurse and then when it was clear that she was asleep and only comfort sucking, I’d switch out the boob for the paci. She’d sleep pretty much through the night, maybe waking up once or twice to nurse for a short while and a lot of the time if I stuck the paci back in her mouth she was good to go. And she’d nap well too – maybe I’d have to go in and give her a cuddle and the pacifier, but I’d usually get a good hour or so.

No more. Now she wants to nurse and nurse and nurse and if I try to slip my boob out she literally clutches at it in her sleep and stuffs it in her mouth. Her desperation is simultaneously melt your heart and a bit scary. It takes forever to leave her for naps and when she finally does fall asleep, she’s up in like fifteen/twenty minutes still wanting to sleep but needing to nurse/suck all over again.

I can’t get anything done. That’s why I’m writing this at 2:30 in the morning. I’m up working. This is my most stressful month of the year and I have two more weekends of shooting and probably another month of processing and designing before I’m done for the holidays and man I’m already exhausted. I’m not complaining, per se. I’m happy to have work to do and I’m loving my baby more and more every second (if that’s even possible!) I just wish she’d go back to her pacifier.

Of course, the main problem is that in my exhaustion I’m questioning all of my parenting choices. I shouldn’t have let her sleep with us. I should’ve done some kind of sleep training thing so that she’d fall asleep on her own. In her crib. Deep down I’m happy she’s with us. I LOVE nursing and I’d miss her so much and I know Georgie loves having her with us. This is the right choice for us and if I wasn’t so busy it wouldn’t matter. But I am and it’s hard and doubt is easy.

She’s so much fun these days, I wish you could hang with her. Sometimes I’m sad that I’m the only one that really sees all her nuances and funny personality traits. By the time G gets home from work she’s sick of me and desperate for him (their love affair is precious!) and she’s also ready for the day to end and she doesn’t do her little laugh when I pretend to hiccup. Or when she burps and I say excuse you in a really exaggerated voice. Or when we lay face to face and look each other in the eyes and I just can’t believe she’s mine. I’m sad for G and all of you that you don’t get to share, but also I’m so so lucky that I get to be her mom. That’s my true super power.

I have to get back to work. Thanks for the chat.

PS – When I was growing up we sang The Inky Dinky spider. Most of the books and my sister’s kids all say The Itsy Bitsy Spider. But the class we’re going to sings The Eensy Weensy Spider. I just found it interesting is all. I’m not singing to Meli at 4 AM, but the thoughts do pop in.

PPS – The winners of last week’s contest were Lisa (grand prize) and Caitlin (sock yarn)! CONGRATULATIONS!!

4:00 AM Musings

So which is it: inky dinky? itsy bitsy? eensy weensy?

You’re All Winners In My Book!

So I’ve picked two winners and they have both been notified. I’m just waiting to hear from one of the winners before I announce them here. Stayed tuned.

But really – you are ALL winners! Way to restore my faith in contests! WHOO HOO! We’ll have to have another one soon. And because I love you all, I’m offering a conciliation prize!

Doing the Laundry with Daddy from January One on Vimeo.

Yup. That’s right. I love you so much I’ve uploaded a long boring video of my kid. It’s true, I’ve become one of THOSE parents. Anyway, my little one turns eight months old tomorrow! EIGHT MONTHS! I’m astonished. We were watching some video the other day of her when she was so little and oh my god already I miss my baby. This video is a good example of how she doesn’t stop. Ever. I fear teeth and true mobility are weeks if not days away. I’m afraid. Very afraid.



All Finished!

Bananas and Oatmeal! from January One on Vimeo.

We’re only doing two meals a day and already I’m exhausted. It’s bad enough, generally, that I have to feed myself – but all the prep and clean up are almost more than I can handle. I’m so not good at this stuff. Feeding her is fun though. Right now we’re doing bananas and oatmeal. She really loves the whole eating thing. I hope she’s like her dad in that respect. I could take it or leave it. Haven’t they come out with that time release pill yet? You know, the one you take in the morning and you don’t have to think about eating until you take that pill the next day? God I’d be so happy.

Tomorrow (or today, really) we’re off on a little family vacation. The beach in the Fall is so much fun and now that Meli’s sitting up – let’s just say I hope she doesn’t confuse sand with oatmeal. Besides quality time with my two favorite people in the whole wide world, my only goal is to sleep some and knit.

Have a great week! L, C

Eye Candy Baby! v.3

It’s like almost a thing, this eye candy baby on Fridays. I can’t help myself. She’s too cute, even if she was cranky all day. Poor baby. I think her teeth are really bothering her. These pictures were taken yesterday, when she was much happier. [Click for big.]

Thanks. I needed that. The next few weeks – months really – are exceedingly busy. Not just with work and baby but with lots of family obligations. I won’t be home much, which really sucks, and when I am home I’ll have lots of work to do. BUT! Big news! We’ll be at Rhinebeck. The whole JanuaryOne family! Yipee!!! Although, I’m a bit disappointed because I started a sweater hoping to have it done in time and there’s no way. Especially since I was just about done the back and had cast on the fronts and now haven’t knit for two weeks. I’m so tired. Here’s hoping it’s really hot like it always is and I won’t miss that sweater too much. It’s so gorgeous. An aran. Using really great yarn. Someday I’ll have the energy to tell you about it. Promise!

Have a great weekend!

Ten Meli Things That Make Me Happy

My own version of a list seen here and here:

1. That my baby girl is now 15 lbs, 9 oz and 26 inches! YAY MOMMY MILK! How big is my girl?!

2. That I get to take lots of pictures of lots of babies and then I get to come home to my own baby girl. Ain’t nothing like the real thing baby!


4. The fact that my baby girl is loving this new adventure. See here:

Rockin’ the Rice Cereal! from January One on Vimeo.

I can feed myself! from January One on Vimeo.

5. That my baby girl is okay enough with strangers (i.e. MomMom) that Daddy and I had a date last night. Man I was like a teenager in LURVE! God I love that man. Thanks Mom!

6. These shoes. You tell me. What little girl doesn’t need a pair of red patent leather mary janes? Dude. Let the shoe fetish begin! (Thanks Aunt Margaret!)

7. That I finally found my baby’s blanket. The one she’s going to love for the rest of her life whether she likes it or not. (It’s a DNA thing. Trust me.) Just like her mommy’s. A post will come about this – but it’s been quite a search and the result has been quite an experience in sense memory.

8. Naps.

9. Waking up from naps with those gurgly little sounds and a big smile.

10. Kisses. Lots of kisses from my baby girl. Wet, sloppy, open mouth, drooly kisses. THE.BEST.EVER.


Believe it or not (and I don’t know how you could because I hardly can!) my baby girl turned six months old yesterday. Six months. Half a year. I never knew time could go by so quickly. It’s kind of sad that the universe’s ultimate irony is that the time you’d like to go in slow motion whizzes by while the time you want to go fast (like waiting to find out if your husband’s body is clear of cancer) drags on interminably.

I don’t want to be all melancholy at my daughter’s progress, because her growing up and learning new things is very definitely progress, but milestones make me reflect and a six month birthday seems like a really big milestone. She’s doing so many more things – she can sit up for a decently long time now, she rolls over both ways (belly to back and the much harder back to belly), she grabs everything in sight, she babbles all the time (“Meli, what does a sheep say?” “Ba ba ba!” “HOW DOES SHE KNOW THAT?” said my five year old niece. My sister and I laughed our asses off at our very lucky timing! My baby’s a GENIUS!), she smiles and sort of laughs (never again repeating the belly laughs of a month ago), she’s just an absolute joy! She’s also much harder to care fo, staying awake for longer and longer periods during the day and demanding constant entertainment when she is awake. She gets bored really easily. And man can she get angry! Add to all of this my increasingly busy work schedule and I’m tired.

Really, really tired.

More tired than I ever was when she was first born.

It’s okay though and I’m not here to complain because even the moments I hate I love and being a mother has brought me more satisfaction and contentment in the last six months than anything I’ve ever done.

I’ll tell you why I’m here: I’m here to write. We’re still walking as much as we can (today we’re going for five days in a row) and increasingly my mind wanders on my walks and I find myself writing. I’ve missed the blog so much lately and I finally realize why! I miss the WRITING. When I was updating the blog on a fairly daily basis, every day I’d sit down and write. Maybe it was something silly, or pseudo-important, more often than not my catalyst was knitting (which I’m still doing – or was doing – ugh. I miss that too!) but it didn’t matter how I got started, the end result was the same. I WROTE SOMETHING. Anything. And I understand now that it satisfied me in ways that motherhood, wifehood, friendhood, sisterhood, knitting-hood, can’t ever really come close. It’s a different kind of satisfaction, and not something I can fully explain.

Long ago, in another lifetime it seems, I was in school for creative writing. Fiction to be exact. This adventure with the written word was truly the culmination of a lifelong dream. I always wanted to write. Always. It’s what I’m best at, really. It’s the hardest thing ever (next to motherhood – I can say that now with a little bit of authority) and just about the most satisfying when done right. I was lucky enough in my short career to have my work published and recognized and then I started trying to get pregnant and it was like all my creative energies went towards procreating instead of writing. I didn’t have any room left in my heart or my head to keep writing fiction (every character was trying to get pregnant. Talk about a rut.) I started the blog right after our failed IVF attempt and it saved me. Knitting saved me. Writing about knitting saved me. And then I found my blog voice. I so enjoyed it! I think I was funny – maybe even a little insightful – and people started reading the blog – lots of people and that just made the whole thing all the more fun! (I don’t care who you are – writers may write for themselves, but they all want to be read.)

Anyway, this is all just diarrhea of the word and the brain and I feel like this post has been coming for a very long time. I want to write again. On a regular basis. Whether it’s the blog or something else, I don’t know and I don’t care. I’d love it to be both the blog AND something else. I’m not saying I’m going to be blogging every day or anything like that – I’m making no promises to myself or to the blog. There are very distinct priorities in my life: baby, family, work. Everything else is icing on the cake. But I wanted to put it down that this is what I miss. This is what I want. Somehow, some time, I’m going to make it all work.


Last year on Labor Day I let you all know I was pregnant. This year? Well, this year we’re just lazing at home, having a grand old day with our baby girl.

I still miss being pregnant (a little bit) and it’s very weird connecting the baby that was inside me to the beautiful girl in my arms right now. She’s growing so fast. Too fast, sometimes. In the next couple of weeks we’ll be introducing her first solid foods. It’s all incredibly bittersweet for me – each new step gets her closer and closer to being on her own, out in this messed up world of ours. I hope your daddy and I make the best decisions we can for you, my love. We love you more than we ever could have known.

Here’s to your families – whatever shapes and sizes they come in – and here’s hoping you all have a fantastic Monday.

L, C

Command Center

Things are absolutely crazy around here! I’m back to work full steam and I’m finding it hard to juggle work and baby. When I’m working I want to be with Meli and when I’m goofing off with Meli I’m worried about all my work. I’m sure lots of you moms know my dilemma.

We bought Meli a new toy the other day – an exersaucer thingie. She even test drove a bunch in the store and this one seemed to be her favorite. While I was trying to do some work today, I moved the toy into the office. But she was so funny I videotaped her instead of working. Oh well!

Meli’s New Toy from January One on Vimeo.

I’m moving right along on a knitting project that I’m really enjoying. I want so bad to tell you about it, but I can’t seem to find the time to take pictures of it and really get down to blogging the project. In the meantime, I knit on it when I can and write blog posts in my head.

We’re heading into Fall and I couldn’t be more delighted, although with two family weddings and lots of jobs lined up I’m very overwhelmed. Weekends are booked straight through to November. I wish I was kidding.

See you all soon I hope! Thanks for reading!
L, C

Compare and Contrast

March 30, 2008

August 13, 2008

My daughter just gets bigger and more delicious every day – sometimes by the hour! The deliciousness gets to be so much that sometimes I don’t know how I can stand it.

I suffer gladly.