How do you make a hormone?

Don’t pay her.

Ba dum dum.

Ever since I’ve been pregnant and all talk turned to hormones I’ve had this goofy joke running through my head. I can’t say the word without telling myself the joke. It’s almost as annoying as the effects of said hormones. Which, incidentally, are KICKING MY ASS this week.

Yes, it’s true, I’ve been working nonstop. I’ve had a couple of nights of not a lot of sleep. These may in fact have added to the ridiculous crying jags, but I prefer to blame the hormones, and the fact that my husband left on a trip yesterday. I swear on the day that embryo attached itself, I have become more and more attached to my husband. Usually it’s no big deal if he goes away – I take off myself to see my sister and the kids or a friend or whatever. But this trip – this trip it was all I could do not to BEG him not to go. I know he sees it as a last trip on his own (which I’ve told him isn’t the case) and he’s been so stressed at work lately a part of me is glad to see him go – but I miss him so much it’s making me cry. All the time. So I blame the hormones. (See, I told myself the joke again.)

There are good things on the horizon though. Like today is the LAST DAY of working like a maniac. If I can get all the things I need to get done DONE today, then I’m just about done for the season. Sure, there are always holiday cards to bang out, but they aren’t nearly as time consuming as processing jobs. All of my deadlines are just about met and things should be good! Clients are happy. I’m tired. Another successful year. (This one doubly successful compared to last year! Grow business grow!)

Tomorrow I head out to my sister’s for some downtime with the kids. I come back the same day as my love and then it’s time to hunker down for THE kid. A new year is just around the corner and I can’t wait!


  1. alternate answer: “pay her an extra $20.” 🙂
    good luck with the work stuff and have a fantastic time with your sis & the kids! 🙂

  2. I can’t hear the word horticulture without hearing an old SAT prep tape in my head “You can lead a whore to culture but you can’t make her think.”
    Thanks for the new joke.

  3. I can already see that this post might be a useful source for whore jokes in the future, should I ever have a need. For jokes.
    XO. Get your work done and have a good trip. G will be back before you know it!

  4. When I was pregnant with Z, I felt exactly the same way — only I was the one who had to do the traveling. After she was born, the first day John went back to work was very strange feeling. But when I had a small person to watch over, it was hard for me to focus too much on wishing he was at home with me.
    Hopefully some relaxation is coming your way soon!

  5. I’m so happy for you! And I’m sure you can get everything done that needs to be finished…before you know it the baby will be here 🙂

  6. yeah, the hormones suck. but just wait until the baby is actually here, it’s a million times worse. i am such a boob now, it’s not funny. my baby smiles at my husband and that’s it for me, i’m a mess!! i too became very very attached to my husband once i was pregnant. in my last 6 weeks (besides the fact that I became crazy, claustrophobic and a severe insomniac) i really hated when he had to go to work and i was at home. anyway, hope you are feeling well despite the crying jags!

  7. Sending hugs…just hugs.

  8. I always heard it as, “Punch her in the stomach.”

  9. Big Hugs. Enjoy the time with your sister and the kids. Get some sleep and you will feel better.

  10. I was devastated to be alone one night during my first pregnancy when my husband couldn’t make it up the driveway because of heavy snow. I knew it was a challenge of being a grown up, but I felt like a character from a novel. I understandt the detachment.
    We moved down the hill after the baby was born.
    I distracted myself by preparing for baby (sorry). My nesting instincts were through the
    Good for you for treating yourself with loved ones. Remember, you’re not alone: your baby is there and loves you.

  11. Wait til the hormones decide on the change! Yuk! What a cool thing to see here: THE kid!

  12. This is my husband’s favorite joke. If I throw an unnecessary fit at a certain time of month, he will often ask if the whores are moaning. I hate it when men blame mood swings on hormones, but his joke always makes me smile.

  13. Yeah, totally the hormones. (Tell yourself the joke again.) I will spare the couple horror stories of the craziness I inflicted on my husband and myself when I was pregnant with #1. It’s all part of your body learning about Protecting The Young So The Tribe May Prosper.

  14. *Hugs* He’ll be back soon!

  15. The hormones get better, trust me. What happens is you channel it into anyone who threatens your child in any way. How do you think Mama Bear got to be known as a Mama Bear?
    Sorry G will be gone, but you have that pettable Catbird to keep you company…
    Blue skies!

  16. As tough as things are…there is some serious optimism in this post. 🙂 That’s good. Wish you could have come out to Ann’s this week. Told you those dogs needed some whipping. 😉

  17. Here’s to the LAST DAY of working like a maniac and to enjoying the holidays and the rest of the process.

  18. What do you call the children of a prostitute?
    Brothel sprouts.
    Enjoy the holidays!

  19. okay.. so we all give a collective groan and a big gafaw for a great joke (grin)
    Hormones are a bear during pregnancy.. I remember crying over AT&T commercials on TV (you know the ones where they show a young man calling his Mother just to say he loves her – yeah – that one.. sob) Not to worry.. it’ll pass (in another 6 months or so – har har 🙂
    All us Mother’s out here are totally loving how you are diving into pregnancy – rock on grrlfriend.

  20. The hormones never go completely away. Any time my girls did anything precious I cried. I still do and they are 24,21 and 18! It’s a curse. They tease me all the time about crying but I can’t help it.

  21. I’m so happy for you, hormones and all.
    (Now wouldn’t be a good time to tell you that my hormones never quite went away after having a baby, would it?)

  22. It makes perfect sense to me, your emotional response to your husband’s absence. On an instinctive and primitive level, you feel vulnerable, even when you have no reason to be afraid. We are pack animals, after all. And I mean that in a good way. 😉
    And yeah, it might get worse after delivery for awhile.

  23. Betty Morrissey says:

    Yes when I was pregnant all I could think about was how do all these women get pregnant and go through it all by themselves. Nuts.

  24. It makes perfect sense that you are missing G terribly, I hated it when my husband had to travel while I was pregnant. This will be the last time the two of you are alone together for a LONG time, so make the most of it. Hurray for meeting deadlines! I’m glad the business is doing well. Have fun at your sister’s house and don’t stress.

  25. I love the baby belly pictures and I think your joke is hilarious – I am snorting as I type. Thank you for the laugh and smile.