I’ve decided that if I spent half of the time and energy I spend on my anxiety, worrying about whether or not I’ll be anxious, thinking about NOT thinking – well, frankly, I’d have found the solution to world peace by now. Either that or I’d be building the Google Elevator.
Something, anything more productive than driving yourself crazy and then having to pull yourself out of the hole.
Margene, zen master, has an interesting post on Motivation today. I’m thinking in a similar, yet opposite direction. What kind of LACK of motivation allows you to slip down that slope – fully conscious of what’s going to happen THROUGH YEARS OF EXPERIENCE – and yet you can’t get off your ass to stop it? Do I need to feel like shit for some reason? Am I going to come out the other side with some great revelation? I KNOW how to stop it – even before it really starts, yet I let it happen. Granted, there were lots of things this summer working against me (Hello? People who control the Weather?) but still.
You know what? What’s done is done. This is who I am. I just hope it doesn’t take me too long to get through it. I am SO OVER me.
On to knitting.
It’s seems a little bit wonkier than the first version, but I’ve decided that because of the short rows, this will never be a flat knit. Blocking may help, but there are so many ends and so many starts and stops with the yarn. The size looks good – I’ve compared it to my prototype (the pullover in my closet that fits nice) and it’s right on. I’ve woven in half the ends and I feel good about the other half. The front is next, as soon as possible, and I’ll deal with the sleeves last. I have company coming tomorrow for a couple of days, so we’ll see how I do with it.
Socks are stalled. The Sunshine sock is stockinette and I need that like I need another hole in the head. Mindless knitting equates to idle hands. Which means the devils are hard at work. I’ve got (maybe) one more repeat on the long lost never ending Retro Rib sock and then I can turn the heel. Don’t hold your breath.
Since socks aren’t doing the trick, I started something new. After finishing the Flower Basket Shawl and the Acorn Socks, I wanted some more lace. But I couldn’t find a yarn or pattern that I was happy with. I didn’t want to do the Leaf Lace – too similar to FBS. I actually bought two Robert Powell shawl patterns – #103 (pattern) and #106 (kit). The kit came with 4 oz. of Jamieson & Smith 2-ply jumper-weight in Cream which I will probably never knit (look for a contest soon!) but I still like the patterns. Couldn’t decide on a yarn.
Sivia Harding’s Diamond Fantasy Shawl
Twinkletoes Sock Yarn – Foggy Dew
I also bought some Twinkletoes Denim Multi – hard to photograph though.
So far I’m liking the pattern – although I have yet to finish the first repeat section. But it’s easy to understand and I feel like I will have the charts figured out – you know what I mean – when you GET the lace pattern – pretty soon.
The yarn. I don’t know. I definitely like the colors and the weight and the texture. I don’t know if I’d ever use this for socks though – it’s kind of scratchy – but for the shawl I think it will be good. It seems like it will block well. One thing though – when I was winding up the Denim Multi – the yarn broke once at the beginning and once at the end of the wind. May be I was too tough with it? But it also has a few knots here and there, which annoy me. Juries still out on this – but like I said – I can’t imagine I’d use it for socks. Maybe there are lots of shawls in my future. I do have like 1500 yds of the denim. Not sure what I was thinking there. Or NOT thinking. Hahahahahaha.
I started this post on a dark note and I’m going to finish it on a good one. A couple of weeks ago I received an email to my blog address asking if I was the same person who wrote a story entitled “The BBC” which appeared in Fourteen Hills, the literary journal out of San Franciso State University. I replied that indeed I was. Welp, it turns out that FH is putting out an anthology of fiction from the first ten years of the journal and they’ve decided to include my story. I also found out my story will appear along side some of my favorite writers! Lydia Davis! Lynne Tillman! Peter Orner! Pam Houston! Next to little ol’ me! What an ego boost! As you know, my writing has suffered the last couple of years – but this has spurred me on! I actually took out a story yesterday – one I’ve been wanting to revise – and read it and took notes! This could be it the opening I’ve needed….
Open up the windows and sing out loud! It’s a beautiful day today!